


The Stages

by marchofmay



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Eventual Lyanna/Elia, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-03-06 13:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18852316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marchofmay/pseuds/marchofmay
Summary: Elia glanced at her brother, his strength obvious in the way he stood, in the broadness of his shoulders, his lean form.But it was also there in the curve of his mouth, the set of his jaw, the line of his brow. It was in the unapologetic black of his eyes. Their mother’s eyes. Her own eyes.Elia looked back out to sea, the sun dancing on the waves.The tide was coming in.[If Rhaegar had won at the Trident and Lyanna had survived the Tower of Joy, what would happen next?]





	1. Death

Elia Martell carried the wailing child down the stairs of Maegor’s Holdfast. The sound of his screaming echoed across the stone walls, the cold of them having seeped into Elia’s bones long ago. She didn’t think she’d ever feel warm again.

 

His wails bounced around in her head, making her dizzy and flustered, she almost tripped on the next step and a gloved hand gripped her upper arm to keep her steady. Some Northman. She nodded her head in thanks, taking care to take the next step carefully.

 

Rhaenys was in the arms of another soldier, the little girl quietly sobbing, her fear almost palpable. Elia wondered if Rhaegar was okay. She cursed herself for even caring, but she knew her little girl wanted her father, and curse it, Elia wanted Rhaegar too.

 

They neared the bottom of the tower, the sunlight streaming in from the open doorway was pale and cold and the smell of Fleabottom that stunk up the city was mixed with the stench of death. The sacking had ended after Aerys’ death had been announced, the ringing of bells calling it out across the city.

 

Elia had heard it in the tower, a wave of relief crashing over her when she learned the news of the Mad King’s demise. Who knew who else had perished in the streets of King’s Landing? Elia found she couldn’t bring herself to care.

 

The Northmen escorted Elia and her children into the main building of the keep. She was met by Lord Varys.

 

“My queen.” He bowed, his soft voice holding a note of amusement in it that was entirely inappropriate for what had just occurred.

 

But it was what he had said that startled Elia and stopped her in her tracks.

 

_Queen?_

 

The realisation dawned on her. Rhaegar was King now. Not yet coronated, not yet officialised, but recognised as such. And so she was Queen.

 

Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

 

Elia scoffed a laugh, receiving a small smile from Lord Varys who stood before her.

 

It was such a strange and empty notion. She had almost lost all she had left and now she had everything she had ever wanted. Or what her mother had wanted. All Elia had needed were her children, and Rhaegar, and her brothers, and a purpose. She had two of those things at least.

 

“Our King rides back with the other Kingsguard. Jaime Lannister is in the throne room, detained by the Northmen. Lord Stark is there and he’s waiting for you, my queen.” Varys spoke, and every word held another message. She exchanged a glance with him. She would forever be grateful to this strange and shifty man. She looked down at the baby who had finally settled in her arms. Aegon would be back with her soon. A pointed look from Varys let her know this.

 

Elia walked beside Varys and Rhaenys followed along, her hand in her mother’s. Elia glanced between her children, then turned to Varys. “Tell Lord Stark to wait. I need to get my children settled.” She said.

 

Varys hesitated, then bowed and shuffled ahead to the throne room.

 

Elia made her way to her chambers. The rooms were dark with the shutters closed, probably just as it was left after they had been moved to Maegor’s Holdfast those weeks ago. She let out a sigh. Jaime Lannister had done what she could not. Had killed the king who had locked her and her children away. Who had been hurting her good-mother all this while. She hoped Rhaella was okay, and sent up a small prayer for Jaime Lannister’s honour before she turned to Rhaenys.

 

She set the little girl down on the bed, a chambermaid entered silently, setting about getting the room into order as quietly as she could. Elia sang softly to Rhaenys until the exhausted toddler fell asleep.

 

“Watch over them please.” She ordered the maid before leaving the rooms.

 

She walked down the hall, her thoughts a storm and her emotions even more so. She had to stop for a moment, and she braced a hand on the cold stone wall of the Red Keep, tears filling her eyes.

 

Where was Rhaegar? She needed him here. What was she meant to do?

 

Her mother’s voice sounded in her head. Telling her to wipe her eyes, to straighten her back, to march into the throne room the queen that she was and do what she thought was right.

 

Elia took a deep breath, dug her fingers into the hard stone and pushed herself forward down the hall.

 

The guards opened the doors to throne room and she entered, alone and silent. The hall was dim, the sky darkening outside and with none of the many candles lit the room was a crypt. Aerys’ body lay in a heap by the throne. Elia didn’t avert her eyes when she caught sight of it. It filled her with such joy. She fisted her hands, her gaze moving across the men in the room.

 

Jaime Lannister was the first one she saw. His golden armour and golden head stood out amongst the grey and brown of the Northerners around him. He looked up at her as she entered, his green eyes - usually so sharp - were empty. She swallowed hard. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. Jaime and her had been friends. Now he looked at her like he didn’t know who she was. Like he didn’t know who he was.

 

She scanned the group of men, easily recognising Eddard Stark among them. He was Lord now, because of what Aerys had done.

 

“Lord Stark.” She said, stopping in the middle of the room. “I should have you all arrested for what you and your men have done.”

 

The Northman bowed to her, his dark grey eyes unreadable. “My queen. Robert is dead, as you know,”

 

She watched his face, the quick flash of grief colouring his expression before it was hidden away behind that mask of stone.

 

“I have learned that Rhaegar returns to King’s Landing. Whatever judgment he decides to pass on me and my own, I will respect.”

 

Elia nodded, “And what of Tywin Lannister? Where is he?” She glanced across to Jaime and found him watching her.

 

“He is on his way. He too has recognised Rhaegar as the true heir.”

 

Elia frowned, “This is a sudden change of heart. All this because Aerys is dead?”

 

Eddard nodded, his eyes sharpening with dislike as they turned on Jaime. “There is no other who claims the throne. No other we can fight for. We have lost, and Rhaegar will decide what is our fate. For now, my queen, we are at your mercy.”

 

Elia took a deep breath, “You will be stripped of your weapons. Your men will be locked in the second level of the dungeons until Rhaegar has decided what to do with you. You, Lord Stark, will be given accommodation, but will be under guard. As will Lord Tywin.” She said.

 

Lord Stark nodded slowly, a melancholic sigh escaping him. Elia thought this was for the best. She didn’t know who to trust. And Lord Tywin would be as slippery as he always was. She wanted to keep him where he could do no more harm.

 

“Jaime Lannister will be held in Maegor’s Holdfast, under guard. Until my husband has returned and made a decision about his fate.” She looked to Jaime, allowing a reassuring smile to grace her lips, but he remained unmoved.

 

Eddard began to remove his sword, the clank of the buckle of his scabbard echoed in the high-ceilinged hall.

 

“Lord Stark,” She spoke, gaining his attention. “Thank you for remembering my children and I. For sending your men to protect us during the sacking.” She said. Without Eddard’s help, who knows what Tywin would have done to them before the news of Robert’s death stalled the fighting.

 

Eddard gave her a grim smile, and nodded. This man was full of honour, she felt as though Rhaegar would show him mercy at least.

 

She dismissed them, guards collecting the Northmen’s weapons as she left the hall to return to her chambers.

 

Rhaegar would have to show Eddard mercy. Especially if he had done what she had suspected he had done regarding the Stark girl.

 

Elia felt certain she knew who travelled back to King’s Landing alongside her husband.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“My queen.”

 

Elia still wasn’t used to this new title.

 

“The king has asked to see you.”

 

Elia turned from the window of her chambers, nodding to the servant who had come to get her.

 

Rhaegar had returned late last night, riding in with the Kingsguard and Lyanna Stark. Varys had whispered to her this morning that the Stark girl was heavily pregnant and ready to give birth at any moment.

 

Elia had thanked the Master of Whispers and dismissed him, then spent the day in her chambers, crying and raging and then preparing for when she would finally see her husband.

 

She walked to his chambers, Oswell Whent - scarred but alive after the Trident - escorted her. Jaime had been her personal guard before Aerys’ paranoia had forced the boy to his side, and now he was locked away in the rooms beneath her own, awaiting Rhaegar’s judgment. Unless he had already decided and dismissed the golden haired Lannister from his service.

 

Elia nodded to Gerold Hightower who stood guard outside Rhaegar’s rooms. He and Whent, and Arthur Dayne had known about Lyanna, she was sure. She could barely look at them without rage flowing through her. They had let Rhaegar do this to her.

 

She entered his chambers, walking through to the central room. He was seated at the end of his bed, his back curved, his elbows on his knees.

 

He had scars across his right cheek, and when he looked up at her his purple eyes were almost unrecognisable. He got this way after battle. It would take him time to return to normal.

 

Elia wondered if this time was different. This time he had returned from battle as a king. No longer a prince who had some semblance of freedom.

 

“Elia.” Rhaegar spoke, his voice like a song. She felt her anger and sorrow rush back in a wave.

 

“Rhaegar.” She said, her voice thick with emotion.

 

He stood, noticing her pain and his eyes filled with sadness. That was the last straw. She felt tears fill her eyes, felt the anger sharpen her tongue. “You betrayed me.”

 

He rushed to her side, a hand lifting to comfort her, but she stepped back. “You didn’t kidnap her, did you? You love her.”

 

It wasn’t a question. But Rhaegar nodded solemnly - confirming it.

 

“She’s pregnant?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“With your third dragon.”

 

He blinked, his eyes wide and glassy, “Yes.”

 

Elia let out a harsh laugh, turning to walk to the fireplace. This damned prophecy. Her weakness was what led him to betray her. If only she had been strong enough to bear his third child.

 

“I’m so sorry, Elia. I understand you must be feeling lost. You must be hurting, and I cannot help because I am the one who has hurt you. I am so sorry for what has happened.”

 

Elia fisted her hands, “Go and see Rhaenys soon. She was terrified. She kept asking for you.” She turned to look at Rhaegar, and let the sadness fill her eyes. She had lost him. For good. He would send her away now, to be with Lyanna.

 

“I would rather take them to Dorne with me. At least until Aegon is of age and must return here. Unless-” She paused, “Unless, he is no longer to be your heir.”

 

Rhaegar frowned, shaking his head and approaching her slowly. “Elia, you’re still my wife. They are still my children. I won’t send you away unless it is what you want.”

 

She frowned, “But you cannot have two wives.”

 

“And why not?” He asked, looking sheepish. It was a sight so endearing to Elia that she had to look away. He still held sway over her.

 

“Aegon the Conqueror had two wives. Countless kings have had mistresses.”

 

At Elia’s horrified expression he panicked. “Not that either of you will be considered my mistress!” He ran a hand through his silver hair. “I leave the decision to you, Elia. You can leave for Dorne, with Rhaenys and Aegon. Or you can stay in King’s Landing, in the keep. With me.”

 

“And with her?” Elia asked softly.

 

He took her hand and she let him.

 

He nodded once and it sent her reeling.

  


\---------------------------------

 

Rhaegar’s ultimatum weighed on her mind. She did not have to decide yet, not until his coronation. Not until his marriage to Lyanna was announced.

 

Elia had not seen her yet. It was said she was bedridden, unable to move as she was heavily pregnant. Elia could understand, she had not had an easy time with Rhaenys or Aegon. And this girl was just that - a girl. She would be wishing for her mother.

 

Elia shook her head to clear her mind of such thoughts. She was sitting under the canopy in the gardens of the palace. The stench of death that still wafted in from the city couldn’t reach her here. Not when the salt of the ocean and the strong breeze were all she could smell. She gazed out across the water, watching it shift and sparkle.

 

Tywin Lannister and Eddard Stark had been pardoned, a show of mercy from Rhaegar. He would have to strike a balance if he were to be seen as an ally, but also a strong ruler. He had taken out his revenge on Robert Baratheon’s remaining family, forcing Stannis to bend the knee to him and sentencing a number of Baratheon men to death.

 

The people were baying for blood after the sacking, and the public executions would appease them.

 

Of course, it should be Lannister men who were being executed. One Lannister man in particular, Elia thought.

 

Jaime had been pardoned, a punishment for Tywin who so desperately wanted his heir back in Casterly Rock. But Jaime was here with her now, guarding her as he once had. She hadn’t tried to speak with him, the boy was someplace else in his head. And Elia could not blame him after what he had had to do.

 

She glanced at him where he stood. His green eyes looked out across the sea, unseeing. She could only imagine what he must be thinking.

 

“My queen, Lord Oberyn has come to see you.” A voice spoke behind her.

 

Elia turned in her chair, dark hair brushing over her back. She glanced behind the servant who had spoken, catching sight of her same dark hair and the familiar garb of her younger brother.

 

Immediately her spirits lifted. She stood suddenly. Jaime finally returned to the present and turned to face Oberyn as the Red Viper swept forward to embrace his sister.

 

She clung to her brother, his strong hold and familiarity dragged her terror and grief from deep within her and she cried quietly onto his shoulder. He only tightened his grip on her.

 

“Elia, my dear sister.” He whispered.

 

She pulled back to look at him, searching his face. “I thought I would never see you again.”

 

He was angry, she could tell, but he was pushing that aside for her in this moment. He had been terrified for her, she could see that too.

 

“Are you well? How are the children?”

 

Elia nodded, “They are both fine.” She said. Aegon had been returned to her the day before, the other baby had been taken back to where he had been found and Elia had her son back in time for Rhaegar to visit them both.

 

“Did you hear about our uncle?” She asked.

 

Oberyn’s eyes saddened and he nodded. “He fought well.”

 

Their uncle - Lewyn Martell - had perished at the Trident, along with Jonothor Darry. Rhaegar had two positions on his Kingsguard to fill.

 

“He did.” Elia stepped back from him, wiping her cheeks. She caught sight of Jaime watching her. His eyes were full of pity.

 

She turned away from that reality, facing the sea.

 

“You should come home, Elia.” Oberyn stepped up beside her, his dark eyes shining with the anger he had attempted to subdue. “After what he has done, how can you think to stay?”

 

Elia sighed, her hands ran over the stone parapet, separating them from the cliff that dropped to sharp rocks and the roiling sea.

 

“He has brought her with him.” Oberyn snarled.

 

She nodded. “She is his wife, and is bearing his child. She is due any day now.”

 

Her brother froze and Elia was reminded of his nickname. The Red Viper. She could feel him readying to strike.

 

“What does that make you? His whore?”

 

She grit her teeth, sending him a sharp glance. “No. I am his wife. Mother to his heirs.”

 

“Then order her to leave! How can you debase yourself by staying here, allowing this to happen? You are a Princess of Dorne-”

 

“I am a Targaryen queen.” Elia snapped. “I have not been a Dornish princess for a long while.” She turned back to the ocean, watching the waves roll in.

 

“And what a pity that is.” Her brother murmured sullenly.

 

The siblings stood in silence. Elia thought over what Oberyn had said. Maybe she was a Targaryen queen now, and maybe she had been something else before Lyanna had entered their lives. But now?

 

She glanced at her brother, his strength obvious in the way he stood, in the broadness of his shoulders, his lean form.

 

But it was also there in the curve of his mouth, the set of his jaw, the line of his brow. It was in the unapologetic black of his eyes. Their mother’s eyes. Her own eyes.

 

Elia looked back out to sea, the sun dancing on the waves.

 

The tide was coming in.

 

\---------------------------------

 

The Stark girl wasn’t at his coronation, and Elia thanked the gods for it.

 

She didn’t think she could deal with her at the moment, let along the gossip that her presence would stir up. The pitiful glances Elia was receiving now were enough to sour her mood.

 

The great houses had all gathered in King’s Landing for the occasion. Or rather, whoever had been able to at such short notice. The lords who had been involved in the Rebellion were conveniently absent. Their presence would have stirred up far too much gossip.

 

Rhaegar looked like a god. His silver hair shone bright in the sun streaming into the sept. He wore the dark cloak of his family, bearing the sigil of his house. Of Aegon the Conqueror.

 

Aegon had had two wives. Maegor too had taken many. Rhaegar intended to do the same, it seemed. Elia was still unsure how she felt about this new arrangement.

 

Oberyn stood beside her, watching as the High Septon lifted the crown of Valyrian steel and held it above Rhaegar’s silver head.

 

Her brother would tell her to go home. To leave this madness behind. To send a message with her absence.

 

But he was a young man. He didn’t have children to think of. He didn’t love Rhaegar still.

 

And though Elia would never make a decision based off of how she felt about Rhaegar, not after what he had done, she did think of her children. She was carrying Aegon now, and as she looked down at her son she knew that Dorne was not the place for him. He was a Targaryen prince, he belonged with his father. So did Rhaenys.

 

And gods damn her, she knew she couldn’t be apart from her children.

 

The High Septon placed the circlet on Rhaegar’s head and he stood from his kneel to thunderous applause. Rhaenys cheered the loudest, the little girl tugging on Oberyn’s arm. Her brother remained stone faced, watching on without a smile.

 

Rhaegar turned to face them all, his eyes looking over the crowd. They came to rest on her, and in them she could see his gratitude. He knew she would stay.

 

But to be certain of this choice Elia needed to see the Stark girl.

 

She needed to talk to Lyanna.


	2. Disbelief

Oberyn left after the coronation, carrying Elia’s decision back to Dorne and to her elder brother. She knew Doran would have his doubts, and Elia expected a letter from him, condemning her choice.

 

Though sometimes he did surprise her. Perhaps he would understand, being a father himself.

 

“My queen. Lady Lyanna is ready to see you.” Jaime said, shaking Elia from her thoughts.

 

He was still strangely distant, although after the coronation he seemed less tense around Elia at least.

 

She smiled to him, standing up and smoothing out her gown. They walked out of her chambers, leaving Whent to guard Rhaenys and Aegon while they napped.

 

She glanced at Jaime as the two of them walked through the halls together. His golden hair brushed the top of his white cloak as he walked, and the sound of the cloth sweeping the floor distracted her for a moment. He noticed her staring and cleared his throat, which brought her back to reality.

 

“How are you, Ser Jaime?” Elia asked.

 

He tensed, eyes looking ahead. “I am well, my queen.”

 

Elia nodded, “I am glad.” She paused mid-step and he stopped as well. She faced him. “I must thank you.”

 

“For what?” He asked, his frown betraying his confusion.  
  
“For what you did. For killing him.”

 

Jaime’s eyes hardened. “Please, my queen, do not mock me.”

 

“Mock you?”

 

“They are calling me ‘Kingslayer’. Ser Gerold has made it clear I am without honour. I cannot-” He paused, “I cannot bear to know you think it as well.”

 

Elia shook her head earnestly. “No, Jaime. I’m not mocking you. I am truly grateful.” She said. “I knew Aerys. I knew what he could do and what he did do to Rhaella.” She swallowed hard.

 

Her good-mother was at Dragonstone still and heavily pregnant. They would hear news soon, she was sure. Soon enough Rhaella would be back in the keep, her two children in tow.

 

Jaime sighed, “I know, my la- my queen.” He corrected himself quickly.

 

Elia smiled, and he returned it.

 

“It’s still foreign to me too.” She said.

 

The two of them walked on together in comfortable silence. She was glad she had addressed it. He should know how grateful she was, and it now felt more comfortable between them.

 

“What are you going to say to her?” Jaime asked.

 

Elia shrugged a shoulder. “I barely know her. We shall have to see how she approaches this. I will respond appropriately.” She said.

 

Jaime nodded, coming to stop before Lyanna’s chambers. He nodded to Arthur Dayne. His violet eyes found Elia, but she avoided his gaze.

 

He opened the doors, announced her, and stepped aside.

 

Elia walked into the dim rooms, the curtains drawn and letting in only a sliver of sunlight that stretched out across the marble to reach Elia’s shoes.

 

She cast her gaze over the rooms, finding the bed and the woman lying in it.

 

All thoughts left her mind when she locked gazes with a pair of grey eyes framed by a beautiful face.

 

Despite the strain of her pregnancy, Lyanna was beautiful. Her hair clung to her face, sweat shone on her brow, and she looked tired, but she was beautiful.

 

Elia felt her heart beat harder in her chest. How could she compare?

 

She pushed that thought aside.

 

“Lady Lyanna.” Elia said, stepping forward. “May we speak alone?” She asked, pausing by the small set of steps leading up to her bedroom proper.

 

Lyanna nodded weakly, looking to the midwives and maidservants who hovered in the room. They filed out past Elia, and she did not look at them as they passed. She could feel their judgment.

 

“I should call you Queen Lyanna.” Elia said once the door had closed behind to leave the two of them alone. “But I was unsure as to whether Rhaegar has announced it yet.”

 

Lyanna offered her a small smile, sheepish and sad. “I am sorry, Elia.” She said. “I truly am.”

 

Elia hadn’t expected that. An apology so earnest and so soon. Lyanna was a girl, a strong-willed, hard-headed Northerner. And yet, this wasn’t a girl lying here. It was a woman.

 

She didn’t know what to say in response.

 

“How is the baby?” She asked instead.

 

Lyanna looked down to her swollen belly. She placed a pale hand on top, stroking circles. “He is strong.”

 

“A boy?”

 

Lyanna smiled - a real smile - and it lit up the dim room. “I can feel it.”

 

Elia couldn’t bring herself to smile back. A boy. Elia hadn’t been able to give Rhaegar a son as quickly.

 

She cast that thought aside, too.

 

“I’m sorry to bring this up while you are so ill. But I have a decision to make.” Elia said softly, approaching the bed. She stood at the end of it, but Lyanna beckoned her closer, gesturing to the side of the bed she lay on.

 

Elia stepped forward, and up close Lyanna was even more intriguing. She had a sharp quality to her, a strong jaw and keen eyes. No wonder Rhaegar fell for her. She was the sort of beauty men would write songs about. Elia wondered if he had written one for her already.

 

“Rhaegar told me. I don’t want you to go to Dorne.” Lyanna said. “I feel horrible enough as it is. I don’t want to chase you out of your home. And the prince and princess, they shouldn’t have to leave. I want you to stay. I want you all to stay.” Lyanna smiled. “But I understand why you wouldn’t want to. I understand the decision you have to make.”

 

Elia nodded, “What would you do? If you were in my place?” She asked.

 

She wasn’t sure why she asked it. Who cared what the wolf girl thinks? She’s just a girl. She’s the reason Elia faced this decision in the first place. The reason why she could not have Rhaegar any longer.

 

Lyanna looked down at her pregnant stomach.   


“I don’t have a child yet.” She murmured, “And there is no guarantee I will be alive to love this baby or to care for him.” She met Elia’s eyes, and Elia could see the winter in them, the strength of a wolf, the honour of a Northman. “But I would die to give my son everything. I would bring him the world. I would suffer everyday if it meant I could do that for him.”

 

Elia had her answer. “So would I.”

 

The two women looked at one another.

 

“I know he cares for you, Elia. I want you to know that I only admire you. I have no ill will towards you or your children.”

 

Elia nodded.

 

Gods, how she wished Lyanna would say something else. How she wished she would give her a reason to hate her. To yell and scream at her. To tell her to get out and leave her and Rhaegar alone.

 

Elia’s eyes landed on her stomach.

 

It was far too late for that.

 

There would be a baby soon. Proof of what Rhaegar and Lyanna had together.

 

“I will stay.” She said. “For my children.”

 

Lyanna nodded, a tentative smile on her lips.

 

Elia turned to go, but Lyanna’s soft voice stopped her before she could leave. “Will you help me, Queen Elia?” She asked. “When the baby comes?”

 

The Dornishwoman met those grey eyes again, searching her expression. There was fear in those eyes. Lyanna didn’t know if she would make it through her labour.

 

Elia had been there before and she had felt that fear, perhaps that is why she spoke her next words.

 

“Of course.” She nodded, “I will be here when you begin. And I will be here until the end.”

 

She left the chambers without a backwards glance.

 

\---------------------------------

 

The call came in the middle of the night. Lyanna was in labour. Elia had made sure a maid would wake her, so she could keep her promise to the Stark girl.

 

She got out of bed quietly, donning a dressing gown and leaving for Lyanna’s chambers. Whent fell into step beside her as Jaime’s shift did not begin till the early morning.

 

The rooms were lit with candlelight, casting warmth across the room. Elia first noticed Rhaegar in the corner alongside Arthur Dayne. The two had stationed themselves by the windows and they were open to let in a soft breeze.

 

A cry of pain called her attention away from her husband and the Kingsguard and towards the bed. A gaggle of midwives were rushing about, taking basins of water and strips of cloth to and from the bed. Lyanna lay uncovered, her shift damp and clinging to her form. It was hiked up around her thighs, her legs bent and spread.

 

Elia caught Rhaegar’s gaze for a moment. His eyes were filled with concern and excitement and Elia looked away as she moved over to the bed, weaving between the midwives.

 

“Lyanna.” Elia said, coming up beside her.

 

The girl’s eyes opened, wide and terrified. “Elia.” She grunted in pain, her face twisting into a grimace and her eyes squeezed shut.

 

“Can she begin to push?” Elia asked a midwife beside her.

 

The woman shook her head, “Not just yet, my queen.”

 

The girl looked up at Elia, grey eyes wide. “I’m afraid.” Lyanna said. “How did you do this?”

 

Elia shook her head, “I didn’t do well. You shouldn’t take advice from me.”

 

“But you brought them into the world. You survived-” Lyanna let out a cry of pain, and Elia took her hand instinctively.

 

“Hush.” The Dornishwoman whispered, squeezing Lyanna’s hand. “Save your breath and save your strength. You will need it tonight.”

  


The Stark girl was braver than Elia thought. She took each instruction well, never once losing her temper. For some reason Elia thought she would be like her brother - Brandon - hot tempered and quick to anger. Perhaps she had some Eddard in her, too. Just as Elia was, Lyanna was a mixture of her brothers.

 

She pushed when the midwives told her to push, but the baby wouldn’t come. Elia gripped her hand as Rhaegar hovered by the bedside, unsure what to do, but hoping his presence was enough.

 

When the midwives ordered her to push again Lyanna let out a yell that echoed around the chamber. Elia found her hand moving to the girl’s forehead, stroking her damp hair back. The strands were dark, like her own, but they shone copper when they caught the light.

 

Lyanna looked up at Elia, her grey eyes exhausted.

 

“Once more.” Elia said firmly, squeezing her hand.

 

The girl sucked in a sharp breath, and pushed again.

 

The baby’s cries filled the stone chamber. The tension that had filled the room deflated and was replaced with relief. The midwives took the baby to the stone basin in the corner of the room to wash them. Two others wiped Lyanna down, cooling her body and soothing her.

 

The Stark girl was wide awake now - not like how Elia had been. She had passed out the second her babies were born.

 

“How is he?” Lyanna asked.

 

Rhaegar looked to the baby, his purple eyes sharp and searching.

 

“He is well, my queen.” A midwife spoke back, a bright smile on her lips. Lyanna returned it.

 

But Elia’s eyes were on Rhaegar. He let out a breath, a slight frown on his brow. His eyes turned to Lyanna, looking over her. And finally, the Stark girl looked at him.

 

Elia saw the moment when Lyanna noted his disappointment. She saw the tension fill her slight body, her brow furrowing, her lips parted to speak - to question him.

 

“Congratulations, Queen Lyanna.” Elia said, letting go of her hand finally.

 

Lyanna turned to her, distracted from Rhaegar for a moment. “Thank you, Elia. For being here.” She offered her a tired smile.

 

Elia stepped back from the bed as the newborn baby was brought over to his mother. The boy was placed on his mother’s chest, and Lyanna’s arms came around him naturally.

 

Elia knew she shouldn’t be here. She had no place here now. Lyanna no longer needed her.

 

She glanced to Rhaegar, watching him as he watched his new son.

 

How could he be so cruel? To be so cold when she had just brought him a baby boy?

 

Elia couldn’t believe she was defending Lyanna Stark.

 

But Rhaegar had done the same to her after the birth of her daughter. He had named Rhaenys after Aegon the Conqueror’s sister wife, who was killed in Dorne. Now Rhaenys would carry that tragic name forever.

 

Elia couldn’t help but hope that Lyanna didn’t receive that sort of treatment.

 

Rhaegar’s prophecy consumed him. Until the man was no longer there, just a king who had a mission to see through. It had been why he had found Lyanna to carry his third child. But that child was a boy, not the girl who would complete his quest to recreate Aegon and his sister wives. The three-headed dragon.

 

Elia left Lyanna’s chambers, Arthur Dayne bowing to her as she left. She ignored him, heading back to her rooms and falling asleep in her own bed just as dawn broke on the new day.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“We’re going to Dragonstone. You, me, and Lyanna. The children will come with us.”

 

Rhaegar was pacing back and forth across her chambers.

 

Elia watched him as he passed in front of her.

 

Jaehaerys was two moons old, a healthy baby boy with a shock of dark hair that resembled his mother’s. Elia was secretly grateful he wasn’t silver-haired like Aegon was. At least she still had that and Lyanna did not.

 

“What about court?” Elia asked, plucking an orange segment from a silver platter. She put it in her mouth, letting the sweet juice flood her tongue.

 

Rhaegar nodded, looking to the floor as he paced. He would often do this. He would come to her chambers to air his worries and to seek her counsel. Elia wondered if he did this with Lyanna.

 

In truth she didn’t mind him coming to her rooms to talk. It was the only time she got to spend time with him nowadays. He would see Rhaenys and Aegon, but they were never alone together like they were now.

 

“My small council will take care of matters. Things have settled enough for me to return to Dragonstone for a while.” Rhaegar said, looking to her finally.

 

His eyes looked her over. Rhaegar cleared his throat and linked his hands behind his back as he turned to face her fully.

 

Elia bit back a smile at his formality. He was uncomfortable with her still. He didn’t know how to be around her. And Elia wasn’t helping, either. She would sit here and lounge around when he came to visit. She would answer him his questions, but otherwise she didn’t make an effort at conversation.

 

“How are you, Elia?” He asked.

 

“I am well. How is Lyanna?” She asked, popping another segment of orange in her mouth.

 

Rhaegar blushed, “She’s better. Almost back to her full strength. And she spends her days with Jaehaerys. She’s excited for Dragonstone.”

 

Elia nodded, her fingers fiddling with another orange segment. She hated how he spoke about her. Such love in his eyes. He couldn’t stop talking about her.

 

“She-” He hesitated, and Elia lifted her eyes to him in curiosity, “She wishes to see you again.”

 

Elia scoffed, abandoning the oranges and standing. “Whatever for?” She moved across to the fireplace, stoking the flames. It felt colder in the Red Keep nowadays. Like Lyanna had brought the Northern weather with her when she had come.

 

“Elia.” Rhaegar said softly. “You have decided to stay here with me. But with her as well. You should make an effort to befriend her.”

 

She rounded on him, fury in her eyes. Immediately, he winced.

 

“I’m sorry-” He started, but she cut him off.

 

“You should be.” She snapped. “What a thing to say to me!” She strode across to him, eyes furious. “That _I_ should make an effort to be friends with _her_! She is the imposter, not I.”

 

Rhaegar ran a hand through his silver hair, his violet eyes tired.

 

Elia noticed the bags under his eyes. Being king weighed on him. And Elia couldn’t deny she was proud of how he had risen to the title.

 

“I’m sorry, Elia. You are right.” He said. “Perhaps in Dragonstone. When it is just us three…” He trailed off and she was grateful. There was nothing he could say that would make it easier for her.

 

“When do we leave?” She asked.

 

“Tomorrow morning.” He said quietly, already stepping back towards the doorway. “We travel light. Ser Jaime will escort you to the carriage in the morning.”

 

Elia nodded, watching as he left with a final ‘goodnight’.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Dragonstone was a beautiful but brutal place. The grey rock looked like it had been petrified by dragon fire long ago. Rhaenys ran along the pebbled beach, searching for a shell or two to take to her father.

 

Elia had Aegon on her hip as she walked along the shore. She let the cold water wash over her bare feet. The waters in Dorne were always warm, but here they were freezing. This place was freezing.

 

Aegon babbled in her ear. The boy was soft-spoken and intelligent. Elia saw so much of his father in him.

 

She wondered faintly if they would ever travel to Dorne. Now that Aerys was dead they could go where they wished. Seeing Aegon in the Water Gardens with the other children, or watching Rhaenys run along a sandy beach instead of this grainy shoreline, would warm Elia’s heart.

 

How she longed for the Dornish sun.

 

“Rhaenys!” Her husband called from behind her. “Be careful, my love!” He ran ahead of Elia towards their daughter, but the toddler only squealed and began running in the opposite direction.

 

Elia laughed, watching as Rhaegar sped up, catching Rhaenys around her waist and hoisting her up into the air. Her giggles of delight made Elia forget how desolate this island was - if only for a moment.

 

“Queen Elia?”

 

The Stark girl’s voice brought her crashing back to reality.

 

“How are you?” Lyanna asked. She walked up beside Elia, her grey eyes paler than Elia had remembered. It was the grey sky that bleached the colour from them. She found herself wondering what Lyanna’s eyes would look like in Dorne - in that bright, beautiful sunlight.

 

“I am fine. How are you? I have heard you are doing well after Jaehaerys’ birth.”

 

Lyanna nodded, “He is healthy as well.” She said.

 

Elia cursed herself for not asking about the babe. He lay in Lyanna's arms, swaddled and peaceful. Elia looked him over and Lyanna lifted him a little higher as if to show her the baby better.

 

“He is handsome.” Elia smiled. “I’m sure he will take after Rhaegar.”

 

Lyanna nodded, “So am I. And Aegon is looking more like Rhaegar each day.” She cooed at Aegon. He looked away shyly, his hand tangled in Elia’s dark hair.

 

Lyanna smiled warmly. “You have been here before, haven’t you?”

 

“I have.”

 

“What did you do when you were here?”

 

Elia eyed Lyanna curiously. Rhaegar had definitely asked her to make more of an effort. But Elia would entertain her. “I was pregnant with Rhaenys at the time. I couldn’t do much.”

 

“Did you explore the island?” Lyanna asked.

 

A frown pulled at Elia’s brow. “No.” She said it with enough disdain that Lyanna’s smile faded.

 

“My apologies, Queen Elia. It is probably not your sort of activity.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“You are not the type of lady to seek adventure.”

 

Elia tensed, meeting Lyanna’s hardening gaze.

 

There was that hard Northern demeanour. She had offended Lyanna with her mockery and now the girl was striking back.

 

“You enjoy riding, don’t you?” Elia asked.

 

Lyanna nodded.

 

“And swordplay?”

 

The Northern girl grinned, a wolf-like smile that sent a shiver up Elia’s spine.

 

“Those are admirable qualities for a lady to have. You would fit in well in Dorne.” Elia said honestly.

 

Lyanna smiled, her eyes softening. “Thank you.”

 

Aegon babbled something in Elia’s ear and she leaned down to pick up a smooth pebble from the beach. She handed it to her son and he turned it over in his tiny, chubby hands before throwing it back onto the ground with a giggle.

 

Lyanna smiled, her eyes drifting from Aegon back to Elia’s face. “I could teach you, you know.”

 

Elia frowned, “What?”

 

“Riding. And swordplay.”

 

The Dornishwoman laughed - a bitter sound. “I would not do well.”

 

“You’d be surprised!” Lyanna grinned, “I think you have a fire within you. It may be a way to channel it.”

 

Elia considered her for a moment. Slowly, she nodded. “Then I shall teach you something. It will be an exchange. Though,” Elia paused, “I do not know what skills I can teach you that you do not already possess.”

 

Lyanna looked to Rhaegar ahead of them, holding Rhaenys’ hand as they walked along the beach towards the castle. “Rhaegar says you paint beautifully. And you can sew?”

 

Elia nodded. “I do. But surely you already know how to do those things.”

 

Lyanna shrugged a shoulder, her brown hair shifting to fall down her back. “Not as well as you.”

 

Rhaegar turned his head, looking back at the two of them with a smile. He met Elia’s eyes and something passed between them that made her turn to Lyanna with a decisive nod.

 

“Alright. We shall teach one another then.”

 

Lyanna smiled and adjusted her hold on Jaehaerys. “It’s a deal.”


	3. Denial

“Oh no, not like that!” Lyanna called out.

 

Elia tugged on the reins, halting the horse’s progress along the grassy hilltop.

 

She was wearing breeches. Actual riding breeches. The leather was tight and it clung to every dip and curve of her hips and legs. She blushed when she first donned them that morning, and she blushed when Lyanna had seen her in them. The girl had only grinned that wolf grin and told her to mount the horse she had borrowed from one of the Kingsguard.

 

Elia had looked at Lyanna blankly and she had had to get Arthur Dayne to help Elia up onto the horse. Elia could barely meet his eyes as she finally got atop the beast. Even Jaime had been stifling a smirk.

 

“You’re too gentle. She doesn’t know where you want her to go. Probably used to a stronger hand.” Lyanna approached Elia, her pale hand stroking the chestnut’s neck. “Don’t be afraid to tug.” She smiled up at her.

 

Elia nodded, readjusting her grip on the reins. Gods, why had she agreed to this? It was humiliating. The horse wasn't going to listen no matter how hard she yanked at the reins. Elia was sure the animal could sense her weakness, her fragility. She'd be thrown off and left a broken mess and they would all laugh.

 

Elia shook herself, casting the thoughts from her head. They had sounded like something her mother would say.

 

She turned the mare around, heels nudging the animal's sides to get her to move forward. The horse obeyed and walked onwards. Elia was aware of Arthur and Jaime watching her from a few feet away.

 

“Now turn.” Lyanna called.

 

Elia tugged firmly on the reins and the mare turned right.

 

“And stop!”

 

Elia tugged on the reins again and the horse halted, tossing her head with a soft nicker. Elia grinned and looked over at Lyanna who gave her an encouraging smile.

 

“Wonderful!”

 

Her husband’s voice reached them where they stood and both women turned their heads to watch him as he approached.

 

“Elia, you’re learning quickly.” He smiled up at her, his hand coming to rest on her knee.

 

Elia stiffened and his smile faded. His hand slid from her leg and he turned to Lyanna. “You’re a good teacher.”

 

He glanced up at Elia. “Isn’t she?”

 

The Dornishwoman nodded. “Very patient. Although I must beg from you more of your patience, Lyanna. I cannot figure out how to dismount.”

 

“Let me help.” Rhaegar offered and lifted his hands in preparation.

 

Elia shot him a sharp look. Silence fell across the hilltop. The only sound was the slight breeze that shifted blades of grass and strands of hair. Even Jaime and Arthur exchanged an uncomfortable look.

 

Lyanna cleared her throat to break the silence. “Ser Jaime.” She called, “Help your queen down.”

 

Jaime started forward as Rhaegar stepped back. The Lannister’s cat-green eyes held Elia’s gaze as he lifted her slight form down from the horse. He backed away immediately after releasing her, but a blush spread across his cheeks.

 

He was just a boy after all, Elia reminded herself.

 

She took the mare’s reins. “I shall walk her back to the stables. It will be good to stretch my legs.” She left them on the hilltop with Jaime trailing behind her.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Elia lifted a hand to rub at her nose for what seemed like the hundredth time. These furs around her shoulders were heavy and uncomfortable, and the wind kept sweeping the hairs up onto her face.

 

With a grunt of frustration Elia shed them, letting the heavy cloak fall onto the stone. “Must we have that window open?” She asked.

 

Lyanna looked up from her sketch, glancing at the window. “It’s too warm in here with it closed.”

 

“And it is too cold with it open.” Elia said. She stood abruptly, marching to the window and tugging it closed. She caught sight of the grey waves beating themselves against the black cliffs before she closed the shutters on the miserable sight.

 

Lyanna sighed. “You have been in a foul mood all day.” She set her sketch down and her grey eyes tracked Elia’s progress across the room.

 

“You do not know me well enough to know when I’m in a foul mood, Queen Lyanna.” Elia snapped.

 

Lyanna and Jaime exchanged a glance and Elia frowned at the two of them.

 

“Has this to do with Rhaegar?” Lyanna asked.

 

Elia didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure why their riding lesson the other day had shaken her so. She had made a deal with Lyanna and she could hear her mother’s voice in her head chiding her, telling her that she shouldn’t have. Perhaps she should have gone to Dorne. She should have taken Rhaenys and Aegon and left to her family home.

 

But then what would Rhaegar have done?

 

Elia glanced at Lyanna, meeting her grey eyes. He would have let her go to Dorne. And he would have lived happily with his new wife. His young, Northern, beautiful wolf.

 

Elia seethed at the thought.

 

At least here she could cause some trouble for him. He would not forget her so easily if she were to be a thorn in his side.

 

But with Lyanna?

 

Did she hold ill will for the girl?

 

Elia was still uncertain.

 

They were not friends, that much was true. But the two of them were in some sort of uneasy relationship.

 

Elia hadn’t been trained for this. How did she clear the air with her husband’s mistress?

 

She corrected herself.

 

Her husband’s new _wife_.

 

She sat down heavily in her chair, her own sketch set aside and barely begun. “I hate you, you know that.” She said.

 

Lyanna blinked, her own sketch set aside. She sat back in her chair. “I know. I would hate me as well.”

 

“Why did you do it then?”

 

Lyanna looked to the fire in the grate, the warm light bringing out the copper of her hair. “I don’t know.” She murmured. “I was betrothed to Robert Baratheon.” She whispered, her voice growing quieter.

 

“You didn’t love him.”

 

“No,” Lyanna breathed a laugh, a sadness filling her eyes and poisoning her smile. “I didn’t.” Her hands clasped in her lap and she looked down at them, her fingers toying with the forest green cloth of her gown. “Nobody cared though. Whether I loved him or not. What I wanted.” She looked up at Elia. “Nobody but Rhaegar.”

 

Elia opened her mouth to say that he didn’t care either. That all he wanted was her ready womb. But Lyanna continued.

 

“Or so I thought at the time.” She said. “I saw how he reacted when Jaehaerys was born. I thought he wanted to be with me. I thought he loved me, but I am not so sure what he wants now.”

 

Elia smiled bitterly. She had been in that same place not long ago. Wondering what Rhaegar wanted and how she could make him happy.

 

“He wants a daughter.” She said.

 

Lyanna frowned in her confusion.

 

“I know. A son is what every man wants. But not Rhaegar. He wants an Aegon, a Rhaenys and a Visenya. Another daughter is what he needs.”

 

The Northerner remained silent, her eyes searching the fire for answers it would not give. Elia was giving her answers she didn’t want to hear. Lyanna didn’t want to hear that Rhaegar was a little mad. Like his father, and so many Targaryens before him.

 

“The gods flip a coin.” Elia recited part of that famous saying. “Rhaegar is obsessed with a prophecy that requires these three children. You gave him a son and now he is shaken. If you were the right woman why did you bring him a boy?”

 

“He is thinking that?” Lyanna scoffed.

 

At Elia’s solemn nod the girl frowned.

 

“You know him better than I, Elia.” Lyanna leaned forward in her seat. “Have I made a mistake? I went with him to get away from Robert. And Robert is not coming back. He’s gone now. But I fell in love with Rhaegar.” She fixed Elia with her stare. “You asked me once what I would have done in your situation. And I told you I would do what was best for my child. Is staying with Rhaegar what is best for my son?”

 

Elia was asking herself the same question regarding her own children. “Rhaegar is not mad. Not when it comes to being a father, a husband.” Elia smiled sadly. “Only in this one thing. Only until you give him a daughter.”

 

Lyanna leaned back in her chair, biting her lower lip in worry.

 

“I’ll leave you now.” Elia stood and turned to the door. Jaime opened it for her and she caught sight of Arthur Dayne in the hallway outside. His violet eyes looked her over as she left.

 

They were a few rooms from her own chambers when Jaime asked, “Why does Ser Arthur watch you?”

 

Elia shrugged and ignored the pertinence of the question, “How am I to know?”

 

“If I recall correctly his house was close with your own. You’re both Dornish, after all. Why didn’t your late mother arrange a match between you and him?”

 

She rounded on Jaime, red skirts fanning out around her. “Now that was too insolent. Even for you, Jaime.” She chided. “What my mother did or did not do in regards to my marriage is not your business. And besides, it’s long past. I am married to Rhaegar now. Lest you and everybody else forget.”

 

Jaime’s bowed low, murmuring an apology, but when he straightened she saw the excitement in his green eyes. He was an arrogant Lannister and he loved a challenge.

 

Elia turned to head into her chambers, closing the door between her and Jaime with a loud enough slam to let him know he had angered her.

 

Rhaenys ran to her with a bright grin and Elia lifted her daughter into her arms. She dismissed the maids who had been watching the children in her absence.

 

“Where you, mama?” Rhaenys asked her. The little girl stared at her with her same dark eyes.

 

“I was with Lyanna.” She said, sitting down by the fire with Rhaenys on her knee.

 

“Who? Lya?” The toddler asked in her squeaky voice, stumbling over Lyanna’s name.

 

Elia kissed her daughter’s cheek. What could she say? She couldn’t tell her that her father had taken another wife could she?

 

“She’s your father’s friend.”

 

Rhaenys smiled. “My friend?”

 

Elia gave an absent-minded nod, too busy watching Aegon fuss in his crib.

 

“You friend, mama?” Rhaenys asked quietly, watching Elia from beneath her dark lashes.

 

Elia met her daughter’s eyes. “I’m not sure yet, my love.” She whispered.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Jaime apologised the next morning on the way to breakfast. Elia knew he was young, but he had never baited her that way before. She wondered if she would ever know this Kingslayer the way she had known Jaime before.

 

He escorted her and Rhaenys down to breakfast. Elia carried Aegon on her hip, but the boy wanted to walk. He whined and wiggled in her grip, but she did not have the patience to hold his hand through the winding corridors of Dragonstone and have them all be late for breakfast.

 

Rhaegar was seated at the head of the table already and Lyanna was seated to his right.

 

Rhaenys ran to her father when they entered the room, and he scooped her up onto his lap. “Good morning.” Rhaegar smiled, his voice soft and sweet. “How is my little dragon?”

 

Rhaenys beamed up at him, “Good!” She looked at Lyanna. “Hi Lya.” She said, waving her little hand.

 

“Lya?” Rhaegar blinked. “Already so familiar with Lyanna, are we?” He teased and automatically his eyes met Elia’s.

 

Rhaenys was their baby and he would always share moments with Rhaenys with her. It made Elia grateful - despite her anger at him. She would always have this. Lyanna would not.

 

Lyanna smiled. “Hi Rhaenys.” She greeted. Jaehaerys was in her arms, the baby blinking blearily in the cold light streaming in through the windows.

 

“Who?” Rhaenys pointed at the baby.

 

“This is Jaehaerys.” Lyanna opened her mouth to keep speaking, but she seemed to think better of it and stopped.

 

Elia sat down opposite Lyanna, to the left of Rhaegar. Jaime positioned himself by the door, the other Kingsguard flanking the entrance out in the corridor. Elia set Aegon down. The one year old took a few steps, flopped onto his bottom and then crawled under the table where Elia could not reach him.

 

Rhaegar smiled to his daughter, “Jaehaerys is-”

 

“A friend.” Elia interrupted.

 

Lyanna and Rhaegar looked to her. Lyanna was the first to nod, “Yes. He can be your friend, Rhaenys.” She smiled.

 

Elia looked between the two of them. They looked like what a king and queen should be. A beautiful young lady and a strong, handsome lord.

 

She looked down at the empty silver plate before her, catching sight of her reflection. She almost rolled her eyes at herself. Wasn’t she a little too old for doubt? She was a beautiful woman. And she wasn’t some harlot who married other women’s husbands.

 

Rhaenys was excited at the prospect of a new friend, but soon enough she joined her brother under the table and let her father eat in peace.

 

“How are you finding Dragonstone this time, Elia?” Rhaegar asked. His face was so carefully schooled into a polite expression that Elia almost laughed in his face. They had made love. They had been _in love_! Or so she had thought. They were married with two children and he was treating her like a guest here.

 

Lyanna too had a polite smile on her face. Elia raged at them both.

 

She stood up suddenly from the table, the chair legs screeching along the stone floor. “Just because I’ve chosen to stay with you on behalf of my children, _Rhaegar_ ,” she sneered, “does not mean I have to be pleasant. Enjoy breakfast with your new woman.” She hissed, turning on her heel and marching out of the room.

 

Jaime followed quickly down the hallway, but Elia knew he would come after her. And come after her he did. His footsteps were hurried, and as she turned to face him he lifted a hand to touch her arm.

 

She stepped back, putting space between them.

 

Rhaegar looked at her, confusion in his eyes before he turned to Jaime. “Ser Jaime, please leave me and my wife to speak alone.” He said softly.

 

The Lannister turned and left, taking up position further down the hall.

 

“What?” Elia snapped, barely waiting for Jaime to leave. “You cannot force me to be nice to her the way you forced me to accept her presence.”

 

“Forced you? Elia, things were going well as far as I could see.” Rhaegar murmured, stepping closer to her. “What’s wrong?”

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, not bothering to keep her voice down. Let them hear her. Let them hear her chide her husband like the child he was. “How can you ask me such a stupid question?”

 

Rhaegar shook his head. “I know. I know, I’m sorry.” He looked to the ceiling, his chest heaving with a deep sigh. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Why did you do it? What did I do wrong, Rhaegar?”

 

He winced, “Nothing. You didn’t do anything, Elia.”

 

She took a step back, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. “You cannot still love me? After what I did.”

 

Elia frowned, “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Then can’t we be friends? Family?” He beseeched her.

 

“I love you, Elia. Not the way you deserve. Not the way lovers do. But the way a husband loves a wife. You are my partner, and you always have been. You are my confidant and the mother of my beautiful children. Elia,” He took her hand in his. “You are my friend. And it hurts me to see how much pain I have caused you.”

 

Elia listened, watching his eyes as he spoke.

 

She knew Rhaegar. He wasn’t a liar. And he wasn’t one to manipulate. He was being honest with her now. He said he didn’t love her that way, and she believed him. He said she was her family. That she was important to him. And she believed that as well.

 

And yet he had tossed her aside so easily. Without a thought of how it would hurt her, or their children. He said he cared, but where was the proof?

 

“It will take time.” She said. “I stay for my children, Rhaegar. I stay because I want to be with them. Because they are a prince and princess and should not be parted from their father or their mother. I wouldn’t do that to them. I live for them, Rhaegar.” She breathed out the words, the strength of emotion they caused her almost brought tears to her eyes.

 

“I know. I feel the same.”

 

“But how are you going to explain to them what you did? How can you look Rhaenys in the eye when she’s old enough to wonder why Lyanna is around? How can you tell her that you married another woman while I still lived? While I still loved you and waited for you and was prepared to die to protect our children?”

 

Rhaegar nodded, his eyes on her own. “I know. Elia, I know I’ve done wrong. I do not expect your forgiveness. I just want to make this as easy as possible for you. And if it means I must keep my distance, then I will. If Lyanna must keep her distance, then so will she.”

 

“I just want my husband back.” Elia whispered. “I hate you. I hate her. But I want him back. That Rhaegar,” She smiled sadly up at him. “The one who thinks about me, who loves his children, who looks at me like I mean something.”

 

“You have always meant something.”

 

“Not when you married her.”

 

Silence settled between them and it felt like another presence, standing between their bodies and pressing them back and away from one another.

 

Rhaegar bowed his head. “I will give you all the time you need. You can do whatever you wish, Elia. You are not bound to me.”

 

Elia nodded, “Thank you.” She said quietly.

 

He looked at her once again, his eyes searching her face and taking in her anger, and her fear, and her deep sadness. She saw the pain it caused him in that moment, before he turned from her and walked back down the hall.

 

Elia didn’t wait around to watch him go.

 

\---------------------------------

 

She was sitting on the balcony, wrapped up in furs and freezing her backside off. Jaime was with her and thankfully he wasn’t being as insufferable as she knew he was capable of being.

 

“What is Casterly Rock like?” Elia asked. “I was there once, for a few days at most.”

 

Jaime nodded, “I remember.” He leaned against the parapet, the picture of nonchalance. “It’s not this cold. But definitely not as warm as Dorne. It’s a lot like King’s Landing.”

 

Elia snorted a laugh, “You barely described the place. I didn’t ask about the weather. I asked what it was like. What does it smell like? What are the best memories you have of the place? What makes you call it home?”

 

The knight paused and watched her for a moment before he threw his head back and laughed. “I don’t have answers to those questions.” He said, turning to face the grey sea that lapped against the rock of the castle.

 

He looked down at the rocks. “You must have answers to them.” He smiled sadly. “You love Dorne, anybody can see that.”

 

“Maybe not as much as I used to. I didn’t take the chance to go back when it was offered to me.”

 

Jaime looked to her, “But you stayed for your children. I understand that.”

 

“Do you? You’re only,” Elia paused, straightening up, “What? Twenty?”

 

“It might surprise you, but I’ve lived a lot of life for a man of twenty.”

 

“‘Man’ is stretching it.”

 

“I am a man!” Jaime protested.

 

Elia laughed, the wind blowing her dark hair back and then over her face. It took him a moment, but Jaime smiled, betraying his own amusement.

 

They both looked down at the waves. Elia remembered how she would do this from Maegor’s Holdfast and before that the Red Keep. She was always looking down from far away, separated from the people down there and what they did.

 

“You have changed, though.” Elia said. “I don’t know how you can’t be changed after what you have done.”

 

“You mean killing the king?”

 

Elia nodded hesitantly and wondered if she’d overstepped somehow by mentioning it.

 

“Do you ever worry?” Jaime asked. At her confused glance, he continued, “About me doing it again?”

 

Elia frowned, “Are you planning to?” She asked, something in her gut twisted.

 

“No.” Jaime smirked, shaking his head. “No, I wouldn’t do it again.”

 

“Thank the gods.” Elia laughed, but it was half-hearted. Why had he asked that?

 

A moment of silence passed between them.

 

“You killed Aerys for a reason, Jaime.”

 

He looked at her and in his eyes there shone a little uncertainty, as though he didn’t quite believe that. It made Elia reach for his arm. She placed her hand on his shoulder and when he didn’t pull back she squeezed gently.  “He was insane. You saved us from him.”

 

Jaime let out a breath he had been holding in. “Nobody else thinks that.”

 

“Nobody else knows who he was.”

 

Jaime smiled, a small and soft thing, but a smile nonetheless. “Thank you, Elia.”

 

She squeezed his shoulder once more and turned to head inside. Jaime followed her in soon after. It seemed neither one of them could stand the biting cold.


	4. Guilt

The news about Rhaella came by crow. 

 

Rhaegar’s mother had been weakened after giving birth. But nobody expected her to succumb to her ailment. It had been a moon since she gave birth to Daenerys and she had been strong enough to travel to King’s Landing to assist Rhaegar with his small council.

 

Elia had been saddened by the news of her leaving Dragonstone just as they were travelling there, but it had seemed like the smartest decision. There should be a Targaryen in King’s Landing to run things while Rhaegar was gone.

 

It occurred to Elia that perhaps her good-mother had pretended to be better than she truly had been. Perhaps it was done to reassure Rhaegar.

 

Rhaenys could tell something was wrong, but Elia did not yet have it in her to explain exactly what had happened to her grandmother.

 

The toddler was sitting by her feet, playing with a wooden top. The fireplace lit up the room, casting warm light over Rhaegar who sat opposite her.

 

He had come to give her the news personally, and the two of them had sat by the fire, not speaking a word.

 

Elia had known his mother. Rhaegar knew this and he knew her death would affect Elia just as badly as it did him. And Elia would let him stay with her tonight should he wish it. She knew what it was like to lose a mother. It tore a hole in you and sent you reeling. Her presence, and that of the children, would ground him.

 

He stared into the flames, violet eyes bright and vibrant, such a contrast to the deep sorrow within them. 

 

Aegon fussed in his cot, letting out a short wail for attention. It startled both of them from their thoughts, but Rhaegar stood before Elia could.

 

“I’ll get him.” He said quietly, heading over to the cot to lift his son out of it. He held him like he was the most precious thing in the world. The boy settled, his head on his father’s shoulder and Rhaegar pressed kisses to his silver hair, his eyes closed as he breathed in his son’s scent.

 

“We should go home.” Elia said quietly, watching the scene.

 

“Dorne?” There was a hint of fear in his tone, as though she would take his children away to Dorne right after his mother had passed.

 

“No.” Elia sighed, “ _ Our _ home. We need to go back for her funeral.”

 

Rhaegar winced at the words, the reality they brought with them. After a moment he nodded. “I thought-” He swallowed hard and met Elia’s gaze. “I thought I would have time.”

 

She nodded. They had both thought that they would have more time with Rhaella.

 

A thought occurred to Elia then. “Daenerys and Viserys…?” 

 

“My responsibility.” Rhaegar said firmly. “My younger siblings will be taken care of. I will have to explain this to Viserys.”

 

“I can help. He knows me well. And he likes me.” Elia smiled sadly. 

 

The younger Targaryen prince had been besotted by Elia in the time she had spent in King’s Landing after her wedding. He had held her hand as they walked through the Red Keep, had played with Rhaenys when she had just been born - and soon grown bored of the infant - and once he had shyly asked her if she would stay with him forever. Elia had smiled and promised him she would. 

 

He would need somebody after this tragedy. Some sort of parent now that both of his were gone.

 

“I will take them into my household.” Elia said suddenly. “Both Daenerys and Viserys. They need to have someone who can be like a parent to them.” She elaborated further at Rhaegar’s confused expression.

 

“Are you sure, Elia?” He asked. “I do not want to ask this of you. It’s too much.” He shook his head. 

 

“No, I want to. Let me do this for Rhaella.”

 

The two of them watched one another for a moment, thinking about the woman they had lost. He broke the silence first.

 

“Thank you. I am once again amazed at your kindness.” Rhaegar murmured.

 

Elia let him say it, although she wasn’t doing it for him. “I’m sorry, Rhaegar. I’m sorry this has happened.”

 

“You know that I am as well. You were her dear friend. And she loved you, Elia.” He said, a pained expression passed over his face. “She always said you were a good match for me.” He smiled sadly.

 

Elia didn’t say anything to that. He had chosen another match for himself despite what his mother had said.

 

They sat together in silence for the rest of the evening. Elia stared into the fire, unaware of the rest of the room as she thought of Rhaella.

 

She hadn’t thought much about death. Not even after her mother had passed, or her uncle. But it seemed to follow her wherever she went. 

 

It wasn’t just her. Jaime had been touched by it, Rhaegar and Lyanna too. They all were. And yet, nobody spoke about how to remember those who had passed. Nobody told you how to be alright after losing someone you love.

 

Elia wondered where Rhaella was. Where her mother was. Were they watching her now? Waiting for her to leave Rhaegar and Lyanna behind? If Elia took her children and left, would they rejoice?

 

But they had lived their lives already. They had made their own mistakes, their own choices. And it was her turn to do the same. She had made her choice, and she would do her best to stick by it. Even if it turned out to be a mistake.

 

It was dark in the room when she finally shook herself from her thoughts. The fire had died long ago and the room had grown unbearably cold. Rhaenys was fast asleep on the rug, curled into a ball and snoring softly. 

 

Elia smiled at her daughter and looked up to find a dozing Rhaegar. Aegon was asleep on him, his cheek pressed against Rhaegar’s chest. He rose and fell with each of his father’s breaths. Rhaegar’s long legs were splayed out in front of him and his back curved against the chair, forcing him to slouch. But he looked peaceful with his head lolled to the side and his breathing even.

 

Elia stood and carried Rhaenys to bed, then lifted Aegon from her husband’s chest to put him in his crib. 

 

Gently, she shook Rhaegar awake. The light from the moon was the only thing illuminating the room. It brought out the silver in his hair. 

 

She was struck by a sudden memory. 

 

The two of them alone in bed, bare and wrapped up in warm sheets as well as one another. Her brown-skinned fingers had run through his silver hair as he had sung softly to her - his voice relaxed every muscle in her body.

 

She recoiled from him just as he woke. The memory brought with it a surge of longing, but Elia suppressed it. She could not have that anymore. Those lazy moments with her husband and that love she used to feel were long gone.

 

“Elia?” His voice was thick with sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up straight with a soft groan. 

 

Elia cleared her throat, shaking off the strange feeling that the unbidden memory had brought her. “It’s very late. You fell asleep.”

 

He looked around and then stood up slowly. “I’ll leave you to rest.” He said.

 

She watched as he stepped around her to head to the door.

 

“Rhaegar.”

 

He paused, turning to look back at her in question.

 

“I do care for you still.” She whispered. 

 

She didn’t know why she said it. Perhaps it was the effect of the memory of when he had been hers. Perhaps it was because it was nighttime, or the darkness around them that made everything seem like a dream. Like she could say what she really felt and face no consequences. 

 

This was just a dream and tomorrow neither of them would remember what she had said. But right now, as the words left her lips, Elia knew it was true. She did care for him. Not the way she had cared before. Through kisses, and caresses and lazy nights together in bed. 

 

She cared in a different way now. Through shared glances and looking out for each other. Through raising their children together.

 

He smiled warmly, and that longing sprang back up in her chest and seized her heart. 

 

“I know.” He answered.

 

Rhaegar left the room, taking both that old feeling and the memories with him.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Aegon cried when they went to see Rhaella in the Sept of Baelor. Her body was hidden under a sheet so as not to frighten the children, but Aegon cried inconsolably regardless.

 

Elia had to leave early, taking Rhaenys with her and leaving Rhaegar with his mother.

 

She waited for him outside the sept and managed to calm Aegon down. Jaime watched all the while, standing to the side in his golden armour, his golden head gleaming just the same. His eyes left Elia and found Rhaenys as the toddler went up to him and took his hand. 

 

“Why sad?” She asked the knight.

 

Jaime sighed heavily, “Shall we take a walk in the garden when we get back to the palace, princess?” He asked softly, offering the child a soft smile.

 

Rhaenys nodded and grinned wide, obviously excited by the prospect

 

Jaime leaned in, kissing her forehead quickly before he straightened and met Elia’s eyes.

 

She smiled at him in thanks and he bowed his head in a slow nod. Elia was always surprised how the two of them could speak without uttering a word. It was almost how it used to be before he had killed Aerys and become somebody else.

 

Rhaegar joined them not long after, his face solemn and eyes watery. Elia lay her hand on his shoulder briefly. It was a poor show of sympathy, but it was all she could do for him. 

 

Lyanna greeted them back at the Red Keep, but she went to Elia first and let Rhaegar take the children inside, which surprised Elia. 

 

“I am so sorry about this.” Lyanna said kindly.

 

“I am too.”

 

“He’s not doing well, is he?” Lyanna looked back at the Red Keep.

 

“No, but I believe in him. He is strong and has been through much.” Elia nodded decisively. She found that she did believe it. Rhaegar would be alright in the end. He was a melancholic man usually and so Elia knew it would take him time. But he would be alright.

 

Lyanna nodded, her grey eyes scanning Elia’s face curiously. “You knew his mother well?”

 

Elia nodded.

 

“How are _ you _ doing?”

 

The Dornishwoman smiled, “Thank you for your concern, but I will be fine.”

 

“Well, if you ever need to speak to somebody I am here.” Lyanna said.

 

Elia smiled, “Thank you.”

 

The two women turned to walk back into the keep, the silence between them strangely comfortable.

 

“You have lost your own mother, haven’t you?” Lyanna asked after a moment.

 

“I have. But we all respond differently.”

 

Lyanna smirked, “I lost my brother and father to Aerys and his madness. And then I married his son.”

 

The acknowledgment of her marriage to Rhaegar no longer brought rage to Elia. The realisation startled her. 

 

Was she becoming accustomed to hearing it? Or accustomed to Lyanna’s position as Rhaegar’s wife?

 

It was too much to think on at the moment.

 

“Your brother was young.” She said.

 

“Too young to die, you mean?”

 

Elia nodded.

 

“You have brothers, too.” Lyanna stared ahead as they walked side by side. “So you might understand.” She glanced at Elia. “Brandon was a part of me. The way that Ned and Benjen are. We were best friends, the four of us. Brandon was insufferable and always acted like he knew best. I never listened to him. I always took advice from Ned.” She smiled, lost in memory.

 

Elia couldn’t help but return her smile. She watched Lyanna’s profile, the long lashes, the sloped nose connecting to beautifully soft lips. She smiled so sweetly, and yet she was strong, too. Everyone who knew her said she was not like any other lady they knew. Elia believed she could say the same. For many reasons.

 

No other lady she knew would marry an already married man. No other lady she knew could sword fight so well. No other lady loved to ride like she did. No other noble lady would run away with a man. No other lady was like Lyanna Stark.

 

Lyanna was another riddle for her to understand. She had thought the same of Rhaegar initially, but she had him figured out by now. Lyanna was a new challenge.

 

“What?”

 

Elia returned to the present to find Lyanna’s eyes on her own. She had stopped walking and was watching Elia with a bemused expression.

 

“Nothing.” Elia shook her head. “It’s just the way you speak of your brothers reminds me so much of my own.”

 

“Prince Doran and Prince Oberyn.” Lyanna smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about your younger brother.”

 

Elia grinned, her thoughts shifting to her younger brother. “He’s a character.”

 

“I would love to meet him one day.”

 

She laughed, “He would hate you! You don’t want to meet him.”

 

“Oh? I do deserve his hatred.” Lyanna smiled sadly. “Perhaps he would challenge me to a duel. I hear he’s a wonderful warrior.”

 

Elia nodded. “The Red Viper.”

 

“I wish one of my brothers had a nickname like that.” Lyanna laughed.

 

“You don’t. He’s insufferable. Demanding to be called ‘The Red Viper’ in normal conversation. He had a big head to begin with, but now he’s got one the size of King’s Landing.”

 

Lyanna threw her head back and laughed. 

 

Elia couldn’t help but do the same. 

 

When the two of them calmed they smiled at one another.   
  
“You know, if he could get past his hatred of you for what you’ve done, you two would get along well.” Elia said, continuing the walk to her chambers.

 

Lyanna tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’d like that. But I understand if it never happens.”

 

Elia nodded, “That’s all you can do.”

 

“I’ll see you at dinner, Elia. Thank you for talking with me.”

 

The Dornishwoman nodded, “Of course. Rhaegar will be distant over the next few weeks. If you need company then feel free to seek me out.” She said.

 

She said it because she knew how King’s Landing could be. The court hated Lyanna and her son. Elia wouldn’t have them attacked, especially Jaehaerys. If she could ease the court by showing that not even she was angry with Lyanna then she would do so. It no longer made her furious to think of helping Lyanna, and her mother’s chiding voice in her head had been silent since the news of Rhaella.

 

“Thank you.” Lyanna said softly. With a final smile, the Northerner turned and left Elia to head to her rooms alone.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Here.” Elia leaned over Lyanna’s shoulder and placed her thumb on the parchment before her. She was teaching her how to sketch in charcoal, using thick parchment and rough paper to smooth out the black lines.

 

“You can use your fingers to smudge the sketch if it’s easier for you.” She stroked her thumb over the black line, the charcoal diffusing across the paper. Her thumb came away black, but Elia was happy with the effect. 

 

Lyanna smiled, looking up at the older woman. “This is very different from swordplay.” She smirked.

 

Elia nodded with a soft laugh. “I promise you are much better at this than I will be at swordplay.”

 

“Well, you have your talents, I suppose.” Lyanna said haughtily, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

 

Elia blinked in surprise. Was she teasing her?

 

Lyanna paused, doubt crossing over her features.

 

“You sound like my mother.” Elia retorted and Lyanna laughed, turning back to her sketch. She had tried sketching Rhaenys who was sitting on the rug by the fireplace, playing with Aegon, but Lyanna’s sketch looked slightly off. Elia was sure she would improve over time.

 

They worked together in the silence of Elia’s chambers until Jaehaerys, who had been napping, woke with a cry. Lyanna made to stand, but Elia stood first. “Let me.” She offered.

 

She went over to the baby and lifted him up. She remembered when Aegon was this young. He had been a difficult baby, fussy and ill-tempered, but he had always liked it when she held him close and hummed a tune to him. The vibrations would soothe him and he would stop crying after a few moments.

 

She held Jaehaerys close enough that his dark hair tickled her collarbone. She began to hum an old Dornish tune, the sound not as beautiful as that of her husband’s, but it was decent.

 

The baby quietened as she walked about the room with him pressed to her body. Elia smiled, eyes closed as she came to a stop by the window and felt the breeze caress her face. She missed holding a baby like this, she realised.

 

“You are wonderful with him.” Lyanna commented.

 

Elia turned to find her watching them.

 

“Once you’ve had your first you find little ways to calm them down.” She explained. “After Jaehaerys you will be able to handle your next baby even better.” She said, looking down at the infant in her arms.

 

“ _ If _ I have another child.” 

 

“You don’t plan to?” Elia asked. She had assumed that both Lyanna and Rhaegar planned to have a second child. Or that they would keep trying until they had a daughter. Rhaegar, she knew, would not be settled until he had his Visenya.

 

“Rhaegar and I haven’t spoken about his reaction to Jaehaerys’ birth yet.” 

 

“Ah. I see.”

 

Elia cleared her throat awkwardly. It felt strange to give advice to Lyanna regarding Rhaegar. And a small part of Elia was glad they were having a little bit of strife. 

 

“I won’t speak to him on it just yet. Not after the news about Rhaella.”

 

“That would be wise.”

 

A knock on the door distracted them and Ser Gerold entered. “The king is here to see you,  Queen Elia,” He bowed to her, “Queen Lyanna.” He turned and bowed to Lyanna.

 

“Papa!” Rhaenys called from where she sat as Rhaegar entered the room. He smiled wide at his daughter and son sitting by the fire, then turned to look at his wives.

 

He caught sight of Jaehaerys in Elia’s arms, and Elia could see the way his eyes softened at the sight of his baby boy lying content in her arms.

 

Part of her felt the sudden need to set the baby down. That part of her didn’t want to bring Rhaegar any joy. That part of her didn’t want to show him that she was growing used to Lyanna’s presence. 

 

But Elia could only see Rhaella in his face. Rhaella in his smile. Selfishly, she wished to keep seeing it so she could remember her friend.

 

Rhaegar came over to her, peering down to look at Jaehaerys. Elia kept her eyes on her husband’s face. She couldn’t help but remember this happening before. Except then she had been carrying her own child, and Rhaegar had been just hers.

 

“May I?” Rhaegar asked, holding out his arms for his son.

 

Elia nodded, “He’s your son.” She said softly, feeling the need to say it. He needn’t ask permission to hold his own son. Not when this baby wasn’t hers.

 

Still, as she handed him over to Rhaegar, she couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him with his son.

 

“Elia?”

 

A child’s voice called from the doorway and caught her attention.

 

“My queen, Prince Viserys has come to see you.” Ser Oswell announced.

 

Elia immediately turned to the door, watching as the young boy ran towards her. She glimpsed short silver hair and a tear-streaked face before he was hugging her around her legs and pressing his face to her skirts. 

 

“Oh, Viserys.” She sighed, saddened by the sight of the boy. “My love, come here.” She knelt down on the stone, wrapping him in a hug.

 

He cried silently, his hot tears falling onto her bodice and soaking through to her skin. Elia looked up at Rhaegar and met his gaze. 

 

Rhaegar watched his younger brother solemnly and leaned down to stroke his hair. 

 

“Viserys.” He murmured, “Hush now. Don’t work yourself up.”

 

Elia stroked the boy’s back, meeting Lyanna’s concerned gaze over his head. She hushed Viserys gently, pulling back to meet his tearful eyes. The same purple as her husband’s and her son’s eyes. 

 

“I have missed you.” She smiled to her friend.

 

Viserys nodded, “I missed you, too.” He sniffled, hiccuping a little as he spoke. He used his sleeve to wipe his nose, his lower lip trembling.

 

“It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad.” Elia said, wiping away his tears gently. “You must have been very frightened here by yourself.”

 

“Dany was with me.” He murmured.

 

“Ah, of course.” Elia smiled, “I haven’t met your baby sister yet. How is she?”

 

“Good. She’s still very little. The maids won’t let me carry her.” He sulked.

 

“Well, that’s because she’s still too little. Like you said. Maybe when she’s a bit bigger and when you are too, you can carry her.” 

 

“Promise, Elia?”

 

“I promise, love.”

 

Viserys smiled and hugged her again. Elia lifted the boy up into her arms, his head on her shoulder.

 

Lyanna was standing, “I’ll leave you be.” She murmured quietly, waving goodbye to Rhaenys and Aegon who were watching the scene curiously. Rhaenys waved enthusiastically, but Aegon watched Viserys still.

 

“Can you speak with them?” Elia asked Rhaegar, who nodded and went over to his children.

 

Elia carried Viserys outside. “Shall we go see your little sister now? I want to meet her very much.”

 

Viserys nodded, but did not lift his head from her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her as she walked through the corridors with Jaime and Ser Oswell Whent following them both.

 

Elia felt quite overwhelmed all of a sudden. She was carrying her husband’s brother on her way to see their newborn baby sister, and both had just lost their mother and father. She had offered to care for these two children, but was she capable of it?

 

They had the space, they had the means, but did she have it in her?

 

Elia had always wanted a little bit more for herself. She had wanted children, like many women did, but to be at home and caring for them wasn’t her only goal. She wanted to travel, to sail across the sea to Essos, to learn to dance, and to fall in love. 

 

She’s done the latter. And how well had that turned out for her?

 

Elia kissed Viserys’ head as they neared the nursery where both children were currently staying. Elia made a mental note to move both children closer to her own chambers.

 

“Is she over there?” Elia asked softly, pointing to the crib at the far end of the nursery. The daylight streaming in illuminated the room, focusing on the crib and the occupant lying in it.

 

Viserys nodded and Elia carried him over to the baby. She looked down at Daenerys for the first time and, unbidden, tears sprang to her eyes.

 

Oh, how she wished for Rhaella to be here. 

 

She could imagine her, sitting on the armchair, Dany in her arms and Viserys by her feet. She could imagine her bright smile when she saw Elia, and how she would ask after Rhaegar.

 

Before he had left for the Trident, Rhaella had tried to reason with Elia regarding his betrayal. His mother had known he had made a terrible mistake, and she had never tried to force Elia to love him, or accept what he had done. Elia knew if she were here, Rhaella would be a voice of reason that she could listen to. She would be a friend. And Elia wished so desperately for someone who was on her side.

 

The baby stirred, but remained fast asleep in the cot. 

 

“See how small she is?” Viserys murmured. “She used to be in mama’s stomach.”

 

Elia nodded, “I know.” She sighed, watching the baby’s deep breathing.

 

“I miss mama. I want to see her again.”

 

“If you could, what would you say to her?”

 

“I would say I love her lots and lots.”

 

Elia nodded, kissing Viserys’ temple. “You have your brother and sister now. And me. I’ll always take care of you, Viserys.”

 

The little boy let out a deep sigh and the two of them stood by Dany’s cot for a moment longer before Elia sat on the armchair with Viserys on her knee.

 

It only took a little while for the boy to fall asleep.

 

Elia carefully set him down in his own bed, informed the maids she was leaving and gave them instructions to move the children to the chambers beside her own in the coming days.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Jaime and her had taken to walks in the gardens.

 

Elia loved the gardens. She felt free out here, instead of cooped up in the Red Keep. She had invited Lyanna along, but the girl was uneasy around the Lannister that Elia spent most her time with.

 

Out here in the garden, Elia couldn’t help but think of Oberyn. She remembered the first time they had come through here together.

 

_ “What do you think Rhaegar will be like?” _

 

_ Oberyn smirked, his sun-kissed skin practically glowing under the summer sun. “He will be far better than any of the suitors you have had so far. What a sad pack to pick from.” _

 

_ “You made it no easier.” Elia grumbled. “And I didn’t get to pick, may I remind you.” _

 

_ They stopped under a canopy of trees, blossoming with beautiful yellow flowers. Elia smiled up at them, remembering her own home in Dorne. It flowered there almost all the time. But the palace gardens had their own sort of beauty.  _

 

_ “I can see you coming here often.” Her brother said quietly.  _

 

_ Elia found his eyes on her and returned his sweet smile. “Not unlike what I do at home.” She said. _

 

_ “True. How am I to survive? Without company in the Water Gardens?”  _

 

_ “You? Without company?” Elia’s brows rose in disbelief. “How many more children will you have the next time I see you?” She teased. _

 

_ Her brother laughed, “How many will you have?” He teased back. _

 

_ The thought sent a thrill through her. Elia looked up at the trees again, nothing but hope in her heart. _

 

“What are you thinking about?” Jaime’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

 

They strolled between thick bushes, pink and purple flowers studding the vibrant green leaves. 

 

“I was reminiscing.” She said. “About my brother, Oberyn.”

 

Jaime smirked, “It’s always very exciting when he comes to visit.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“You two always end up arguing.”

 

Elia blinked in surprise. “Of course.” She laughed, a little embarrassed. “You’ve noticed that.”

 

Jaime shrugged, “I am charged with guarding you at all times. It means I overhear many of the conversations you have.”

 

“Siblings fight.”

 

“Yes, I know.” Jaime chuckled to himself.

 

Elia raised a brow, “Do you fight with your sister?”

 

“Cersei.” Jaime breathed her name. It was the first Elia had heard him speak of her. She wondered what it was like for him to be away from her for so long. They were twins, and rumours said they were exceptionally close.

 

“I do fight with Cersei. Siblings fight.” He shrugged, but his thoughts were elsewhere, Elia could see it in his eyes.

 

They stopped by the gazebo and faced the ocean. She thought of Oberyn when he had come to see her here in this spot and had chided her for her decision to stay in King’s Landing. 

 

Elia watched the sea, the calm waters looked cooling in the bright light of the sun. They were inviting. A breeze picked up and brought the salt of the sea towards the two of them. 

 

How she missed her home.

 

A thought occurred to her then. She turned to Jaime with a slight smile and asked.

 

“Have you ever been to Dorne?”


	5. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thank you again for reading this story, I'm enjoying working on it. 
> 
> Unfortunately, I have been receiving a few comments (from the same individual) regarding Lyanna and the decisions I've made regarding her in this story. I understand where this commenter is coming from, but I have decided to go a different route with my story and I would appreciate it if anybody who disagrees with me stops reading my story. 
> 
> I am not changing the way I am writing this story and it won't be satisfying for people who dislike Lyanna so vehemently. So again, I feel that the best thing is for those who are not enjoying my story to find another story that is better suited to how they feel about Lyanna. 
> 
> Thanks again to everybody who is enjoying this story and lets me know in the comments! And I'm sorry for having to write this message.

“It’s too soon, Elia. I’m sorry.”

 

Rhaegar’s tone was final, but Elia only crossed her arms, ready to keep arguing her point.

 

“It’s the perfect timing. There will never be a better opportunity!”

 

Rhaegar opened his mouth, already shaking his head, but Lyanna cut in.

 

“Elia makes a good point.” She said.

 

Both Rhaegar and Elia looked at her in surprise.

 

The three of them were in Rhaegar’s chambers, the table they sat at littered with old tomes and maps. Rhaegar had tried to clear away some of it, but eventually had given up.

 

Rhaenys and Aegon were asleep on Rhaegar’s bed, tired out after a long day of play. Viserys was in an armchair, asleep as well, with a book open on his chest.

 

Lyanna smiled to them both, “I would love to see Dorne.” She gave them that wolf grin, and Elia couldn’t help but return it.

 

The two women looked to their husband pointedly. He sighed, “Fine. I’ll make my excuses to my council.” He murmured, sitting down heavily in his chair.

 

Elia beamed. “You will love it there. I promise. Oberyn and Doran may not be so welcoming at first, but they’ll come around.”

 

“After you give them a good talking to.” Lyanna winked at her and Elia was reminded of that famous Northman charm. Or lack thereof.

 

Rhaegar nodded, “Alright, alright. I will make preparations. It will be good for the children to get away from the capital for a while.”

 

“And for you, Rhaegar.” Elia murmured.

 

He looked to her with gratitude in his eyes and nodded slowly.

 

Lyanna placed her hand over his and Elia looked away. She busied herself with gathering up the children. Viserys woke sleepily and stood to put back the book he had been reading atop one of the many piles in the room. He held Rhaenys’ hand as they left, Elia with Aegon cradled against her body.

 

They said goodnight to Rhaegar and Lyanna. Elia didn’t think too much about how she was leaving them behind, as if it were their chambers she left. She knew Rhaegar kept his own rooms separate from Lyanna’s, but she wasn’t a fool. She knew they slept beside one another more often than not.

 

A pang of jealousy shot through her. But not towards Lyanna. She had always wished for companionship. And growing up in Dorne had been strange while she remained a maiden. Her brother was a prime example of the sort of attitude Dornish people had towards sex. Her brother had sired many children and been with even more women. Women were allowed to behave similarly. Unless, of course, that woman was a princess.

 

And now, just after she had lost her maidenhead and gotten married, that aspect of adult life was taken from her.

 

She led the children to her chambers, bidding a sleepy Viserys goodnight and handing him into the care of his governess before she retired with Rhaenys and Aegon. The little girl was grumpy in her tiredness and immediately went to sleep once she had crawled into bed. Aegon was already asleep when Elia laid him in his cot.

 

A polite knock on the door turned Elia towards the sound and Jaime stepped in.

 

“Forgive me, my queen. I just came to inform you that we are changing shift for the evening. I will see you in the morning.”

 

Elia nodded, “Of course, Jaime. Rest well.”

 

He turned to go, then paused by the door. “Did the king say yes to your request?” He asked curiously.

 

She met his green eyes and found a hint of unease in them. “Yes, he did.” She nodded, “But don’t worry. I will ensure my brother keeps his distance from you. I know he isn’t fond of you and your family, but you will come as my guest and my Kingsguard. And my friend.” Elia added quietly.

 

Jaime nodded, but that unease didn’t leave his eyes as he left her room.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Dorne was as beautiful as she remembered it. They had left behind the muddy roads and stone paths long ago and now there was only hard-packed orange sand for as far as they could see.

 

Elia rejoiced but the children were unsure about this place they were travelling to. Rhaenys, particularly, stared out the window of the carriage and frowned.

 

“Where?”

 

“This is Dorne, my love. I was born here. I grew up here. It’s part of who you are, as well. You and your brother.” Elia smiled.

 

The toddler frowned and looked back out the window. But nothing could dampen Elia’s mood.

 

Rhaegar smiled at her every once in a while, his eyes clearing of his previous worry the nearer they got to the Water Gardens. Elia had known it would be good for him to leave King’s Landing, but she hadn’t expected the effects to show so soon.

 

Lyanna, on the other hand, shifted uncomfortably as they travelled closer to Elia’s home.

 

Elia could only guess why. Dorne was very different from Winterfell. Already, the younger woman was sweating in her cotton gown. Elia made a mental note to offer her some more suitable clothing once they reached the Water Gardens.

 

It wasn’t long before their carriage and their retinue pulled through the gates of the palace. The horses brought them up alongside a magnificent pool of water serving as a feature in front of the palace, the clear water sparkled like jewels in the sunlight.

 

Elia exhaled, Rhaegar and Lyanna forgotten, as she climbed from the carriage. Immediately, she caught sight of her family. Tears sprang to her eyes as Oberyn - dressed in a mustard tunic - swept her into his arms.

 

She breathed in his sweet orange scent and basked in the familiarity of his embrace. He cradled the back of her head in his palm and Elia at once felt at home.

 

“Thank you for coming, Elia. I was going insane here with just Doran for company.”

 

She laughed, bright and clear. “You two still don’t get along?”

 

“Not without you mediating.”

 

She smiled at her brother and the two of them parted to give her a chance to greet Doran and his wife - Mellario.

 

Doran embraced her first, and Elia felt as she had when she was small. Her older brother kissed her temple as they parted and Mellario took his place. Elia hugged her friend and then Arianne. She greeted little Quentyn with a kiss on his head.

 

When she had greeted each of her family members she turned back to the carriage to find her children. Viserys and Rhaenys were holding hands, the two eyeing Arianne in particular. Oberyn approached them first.

 

“Hello,” Her brother greeted them, kneeling down before them. “My name is Oberyn.”

 

“I know who you are.” Viserys said, his purple eyes wary. “You’re Elia’s brother.”

 

“I am.” Oberyn nodded, “And I am your uncle, Rhaenys.”

 

The little girl looked to Elia for help, not quite understanding what was happening.

 

“Oberyn is my brother. Like Aegon is your brother.” Elia explained.

 

Rhaenys nodded slowly and Oberyn straightened. “She’ll warm up to me eventually. I’m very good with children.”

 

“Perhaps because you have so many.” Elia murmured.

 

He laughed and the two of them turned to face Rhaegar and Lyanna. Both held babies in their arms, Rhaegar having hold of Aegon and Lyanna carrying Jaehaerys.

 

Doran approached first and Elia introduced her older brother to them both.

 

He was as polite as ever, although he was curt with them both. Only Elia and Oberyn could tell, but Elia was grateful for his courtesy.

 

Rhaegar and Lyanna smiled politely and bowed their heads to him in respect as Doran welcomed them to Dorne and introduced his family.

 

Then Oberyn approached. He stood beside Elia, his black eyes roving over the two foreigners before him. Elia nudged him in his side and Oberyn cleared his throat.

 

“King Rhaegar,” He bowed shallowly, then looked to Lyanna and fixed her with a cold stare. “ _Queen_ Lyanna.”

 

Rhaegar opened his mouth to speak and Elia winced almost immediately. Whatever he had to say would fall on deaf ears. Oberyn would not want to hear it.

 

But Lyanna spoke first. She bowed her head, “Prince Oberyn. Thank you for welcoming us here. Both you and Prince Doran are very kind.”

 

“Of course. Here in Dorne we are very hospitable. As our society expects of us. We have a respect for how things are done. Hosts and guests, mother and child,” He glanced at Rhaegar, “husband and wife.”

 

His smile was snake-like.

 

Elia’s gaze travelled behind Rhaegar to meet Jaime’s green eyes. The Kingsguard gave her a small smile and lifted a shoulder in a shrug. _Let him get his anger out now rather than later._

 

Perhaps Jaime had a point.

 

Lyanna’s answering smile was sweet. “I have heard only incredible things about you. Particularly your mastery of the spear. They must call you The Red Viper for a reason.”

 

“Lyanna is a masterful swordsman, brother.” Elia added.

 

Oberyn looked between them, a bored expression across his haughty face. “Is that meant to impress me?” He laughed softly. “Here in Dorne we have hundreds of women who are skilled in the art of war. Where you are from perhaps it is a novelty.”

 

Elia rolled her eyes.

 

“It is.” Lyanna replied, “Which is why I am very excited to learn from you.”

 

“I did not offer to teach you.”

 

“Brother.” Doran spoke up, his soft voice cutting through the tense atmosphere. “The queen has made a request.” Silently, his eyes spoke volumes. _You must oblige her._

 

Oberyn turned back to Lyanna and sketched a shallow bow. “Of course.”

 

“We shall show you to your chambers.” Doran said.

 

Elia took Aegon from Rhaegar as her husband and older brother walked side by side. She let her son stare at Oberyn with big purple eyes as her brother attempted to make him smile.

 

Mellario walked up beside her. “So, I assume you won’t be staying in Rhaegar’s chambers while you’re here?”

 

“No, definitely not.” Elia laughed.

 

“And what of the Northerner?”

 

Elia glanced back at Lyanna who followed along with Jaehaerys in her arms, Viserys and Rhaenys beside her.

 

“I don’t know. It’s up to her.”

 

Mellario watched her curiously. The Norvoshi woman had always been keen, and Elia felt she could read her mind when she stared at her this way.

 

“You don’t hate her.”

 

Elia sighed, “No. It’s very complicated. I will speak to you about it soon.” She smiled. “I have missed our conversations.”

 

“As have I. Your brother has been driving me mad.”

 

“Oh?” Elia watched Doran and Rhaegar, her brother a little shorter than the Targaryen king, but just as lean and graceful.

 

“We will talk about it soon.” Mellario winked at her.

 

They were led through the palace and Elia was given her old chambers. The only difference in it was a cot in the corner for Aegon who was currently fussing after the long journey. Elia had to tug Oberyn out of the room to let her son rest.

 

Rhaegar was given separate chambers to Lyanna, but the three of them were given rooms close to one another. Lyanna entered hers with Jaehaerys after politely excusing herself. Mellario left soon after with baby Quentyn in tow.

 

“If you are in need of anything, my king, please do ask.” Doran spoke to Rhaegar outside his chambers. “We will have a dinner tonight in your honour. As you are family, it will be an intimate affair. I hope this is acceptable to you?”

 

“Of course, of course. Thank you again for your hospitality, Doran.”

 

Her brother smiled and bowed, leaving Rhaegar, Elia, and Oberyn in the corridor together.

 

Her husband looked between the siblings, his violet eyes lingering on their faces.

 

“Elia,” He spoke, “Oberyn. Please excuse me. I must rest before this evening’s meal. And I will leave you two to catch up.” He smiled.

 

Once Rhaegar had retreated to his room, Oberyn turned to her. “I cannot believe she had the audacity to come.” He hissed under his breath.

 

Elia watched Viserys and Rhaenys out of the corner of her eye. Arianne was with them, the little girl brave enough to engage Viserys in conversation.

 

“I invited her.”

 

“Why?” Oberyn frowned.

 

“Because she is part of the family now.” Elia sighed, turning to walk down the corridor. She wanted to be outside in the garden. Oberyn seemed to understand, because he walked along beside her. Elia was aware of Jaime behind them, the clink of his Kingsguard armour echoing in the orange stone corridor they strode down.

 

“Is that really what you think?” He asked.

 

“Yes.”

 

He scoffed, eyes wide in disbelief.

 

“You would like her if you could put aside your animosity.”

 

“ _Like her_?” He paused as the corridor opened up into a courtyard, a large pool of water shone like a mirror in the centre and the large trees surrounding it provided shade from the hot Dornish sun. Elia remembered how she would lounge out there under one of the palms, Mellario by her side, the two of them discussing marriage, love, sex, and Elia’s uncertain future.

 

“Yes, like her. _I_ like her.” Elia said and once she had, she knew she believed it. She did like Lyanna.

 

“You’re mad.”

 

“Perhaps. I am married to a Targaryen after all. Perhaps their famous insanity has rubbed off on me.”

 

“That’s not funny, Elia. The Mad King burned people-”

 

“You think I don’t know that?” She snapped at her brother. Her venom was enough to shut him up. They both knew she could never forget what the Mad King had done.

 

He stared at her, black eyes searching. “I trust you. But I don’t know how you can be okay with all this. How you can like her.”

 

“You will be able to understand soon enough. Seeing as you’ll be spending some time with Lyanna as you train her.” Elia smiled, and in her eyes shone a smugness that made Oberyn scowl.

 

“You planned this, didn’t you? The two of you. King’s Landing has changed you, sister.”

 

Elia smiled sweetly, “Rhaegar had some input as well.”

 

Oberyn let out an exasperated sigh. “You are just like mother.”

 

“You take that back.”

 

“I will not. It’s true.”

 

Elia pinched his arm and he cried out in surprise.

 

She glanced behind her, catching Jaime’s eye and noting his amused smirk as he pretended not to be watching the siblings. She bit back her own smile and turned back to her brother.

 

“Train Lyanna, Oberyn. Give her a chance. For my sake.” She said kindly.

 

Oberyn paused for a moment, then nodded, and Elia knew he would try for her. He led her out into the courtyard, the sun catching in his hair and turning his skin golden.

 

Elia stepped out after him and into the warm embrace of the sun.

 

Her sun.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Elia had never been more content.

 

Aegon was on her knee, watching his sister, Viserys and Arianne play in the pools of the Water Gardens. He was a quiet boy and did not enjoy the loud squealing of the other children, so he had waddled over to his mother and taken a seat on her knee.

 

The sunshine was stronger in Dorne, the heat more keenly felt. Rhaenys loved it. Jaehaerys did not. The baby had been fussing and whining all morning, until Elia suggested the maids fan him and in the cooler air he had managed to fall asleep again.

 

Mellario was with her, the two of them sitting on a wrought iron set of chairs with a matching table between them. There was a platter of fresh fruit set out for them, which they both picked at before the flies could get to it.

 

“So, what is this between you and Doran?” Elia asked.

 

It had been obvious at dinner the night before. It had been a tense enough affair as it was without Mellario shooting Doran glares throughout the meal. Oberyn had made an attempt at humour, but when Rhaegar or Lyanna would speak he would comment on what they had said with a thinly veiled insult.

 

Elia had been exhausted by the end of the meal and had retired immediately.

 

“Norvos is very different from here.” Mellario sighed, her beautiful face tilted upwards into the sun. She closed her eyes, “Doran doesn’t understand the struggle I go through trying to assimilate.”

 

“That sounds like Doran.” Elia sighed. Her elder brother was a born ruler, a just man, and a kind soul. But he had expectations of everybody, as high as the ones he held for himself. Mellario was a carefree spirit and Elia could see how she would respond badly to the rules he set for her.

 

“He barely spends any time with us. He’s always off doing something or other.” Mellario waved a pale hand, her eyes opening to look to Elia. “I don’t know if he has taken a mistress, but the thought has crossed my mind.”

 

“You know he’s not the type.”

 

Mellario hummed, not a sound of agreement or disagreement. She closed her eyes again. Elia always loved how beautiful Mellario looked in the sun. Sometimes she had wondered what it was like to be so beautiful.

 

Now she had grown older, and she knew her own worth.

 

“I just feel-” Mellario sighed, “I feel like I do nothing here. I’m a mother and a wife, but that is all I am. I watch the children play, I feed Quentyn, I brush Arianne’s hair. And I love them, I want to spend time with them. But that’s not all I want.”

 

Elia looked to her good-sister curiously. She could understand what she was saying, she had felt the same.

 

“What else do you want?”

 

Mellario smiled, “Things I can’t have.”

 

Elia took the hint and changed the topic. “Viserys and Arianne are getting along nicely. He’s very shy usually.”

 

“She’s like her mother.” Mellario grinned, “Charming and friendly. And too loud.”

 

Elia laughed, kissing Aegon’s head when he whined and reached for a grape. She handed it to him and he munched on it, watching his sister curiously.

 

“And what about you?” Mellario asked. “How are you coping with all that has changed?”

 

“You mean Lyanna and her son.”

 

Mellario nodded.

 

“I don’t know. At first I was confused, I was unsure about what to do. Now, things have settled into a strange normality. She’s a solid presence. Unshakeable. She gives me advice when I ask for it, she has offered to teach me riding and swordplay. She helps with my children and with Rhaegar’s siblings. She is,” Elia paused, searching for the right word. “Family.”

 

Her good-sister looked to her in surprise. “Really? I would never let another woman-”

 

“Yes, I know. Believe me, I’ve gotten enough judgment from Oberyn to last a lifetime.” Elia plucked a grape, toying with it on the silver platter between them. “People are not good and evil. Lyanna Stark made a terrible mistake. And part of me can never forgive her. But a bigger part of me wonders where that hatred will lead me should I give into it. Why should I risk my own peace of mind?”

 

Elia shrugged a shoulder lazily, “I don’t _need_ Rhaegar as a husband. I don’t _need_ Lyanna as a friend. I only need my children. And they deserve what they were born to have. A life in King’s Landing with their father and mother beside them. And now,” Elia looked to Viserys, “Now I have made a promise to Rhaella to take care of the children she left behind. And that means I stay in King’s Landing. And make the best of the situation for the sake of my own sanity.”

 

Mellario chuckled softly, “I’m not judging you, Elia. I’m just confused. Westerosi custom doesn’t usually allow for your sort of family. Back home in Norvos this thing happens often.”

 

“It does?” Elia frowned.

 

“More often than here. In fact, sometimes the women marry one another.”

 

Elia blinked in surprise. “What?”

 

A snort of laughter behind them made both women turn to see Jaime standing there. He was in the shade, where Elia had ordered him to stand so he wouldn’t burn under the sun. The dappled sunlight lit up his golden hair and his armour and brightened the green of his eyes.

 

He caught them looking and immediately schooled his features into a blank mask. That of the Kingsguard. But Elia smiled at him and before she turned back to Mellario she caught a hint of an answering smile on his lips.

 

“Ah, the dragon approaches.” Mellario murmured. Elia followed her gaze to find Rhaegar striding across the courtyard towards them.

 

He looked so relaxed, it brought a smile to Elia’s lips. His silver hair glowed in the light, his usual black tunic swapped for a light linen shirt and breeches. He looked like he had been sparring, because his hair was a little disheveled and his eyes were bright with energy. Elia could see it in his body, in the lightness of step and the brightness of his smile.

 

“Good afternoon, Princess Mellario.” He bowed his head as he came to a stop before the two women.

 

Mellario grinned and lazily got to her feet. She reminded Elia of a wild cat, long and languid. She bowed her head to Rhaegar, “Good afternoon, your majesty.” She purred.

 

Elia rolled her eyes at her good-sister and shared a look with Rhaegar. He seemed bemused, if a little embarrassed. He cleared his throat. “May I speak with my wife alone?” He asked.

 

Mellario nodded, turning back to pick up an orange segment from the platter. The bangles on her wrist clinked as she moved her arm to bring the fruit to her mouth. “You need not ask. She is your wife, after all.” She popped the fruit in her mouth, raising a hand to Elia in farewell before she sauntered off towards the covered pathway leading back into the palace.

 

Rhaegar sat in Mellario’s place beside Elia. He sighed, watching the children play. “I took you from all of this, didn’t I?”

 

Elia hummed, popping a grape in her mouth. “I was going to have to leave it eventually. I could have been married off to some lord in Essos. But instead it was you.”

 

“Do you think you would have been happier with an Essosi lord?” Rhaegar asked.

 

“No. I fell in love with my husband. I wouldn’t change that.” She murmured.

 

At her honesty, they both fell silent.

 

“Did you ever love me?” Elia asked him. She hadn’t realised how important the answer was until she asked the question.

 

Rhaegar looked at her in surprise. It was this moment that Elia realised Jaime was still behind them and listening to everything.

 

She looked down at Aegon, the little boy napping against her chest.

 

“I did.” Rhaegar said. “I believe I did.”

 

“Not the way you love Lyanna.”

 

“No.” He sighed, “Not the way I love her. Does that anger you?”

 

Elia shook her head. “I know it already, Rhaegar.”

 

“Tell me about what you would do here.”

 

She smiled, thankful for the change in subject. “Mostly this.” She said, “Sometimes my mother would hold a grand feast, and the nobles would come and go. I was friends with many of the maids here. But when Mellario arrived it was her I spent most of my time with.”

 

“What of your brothers?”

 

“Oberyn and I were barely apart when we were younger. My mother hated it when we were together. He was mischievous and it only got worse when I was around to witness his antics.”

 

Rhaegar laughed at that. “Your mother, from all I’ve heard of her, sounds like a very strong woman.”

 

“She was.” Elia let out a breath. “I miss her sometimes. But she was a hard woman and very rarely showed any kindness. Oberyn was my heart. Doran, my sanity. And when I met you, you were my sanctuary.”

 

His purple eyes met hers over the table. It felt like more like an ocean between them. It was almost too late for him to cross it. He had made too many mistakes. Only time could heal the hurt.

 

“Now I have my children. And Viserys and Daenerys. They are enough for me.”

 

“Are they?”

 

Elia paused, looking to him with a slight frown. What did he mean by that?

 

Rhaegar ran a hand through his hair. “I only mean that…you do not have a husband in the traditional sense. A companion. Who could be intimate with you the way that I used to be.”

 

It took her a moment to realise what he was saying. Immediately, she bristled. “I do not need that.” She said tersely.

 

“I did not suggest that you _needed_ it.” He said, “I only meant that if you should want it there are ways to find someone who can be that for you.”

 

“You mean for me to bed another man?”

 

Rhaegar winced and took a moment to reply. “I know your pride and honour would make you opposed to such an idea. But,” He looked to her, worry in his eyes, “please think about it. You are a queen and can do what you will, but you have my blessing.” He shrugged a shoulder, “For what it’s worth. And every woman has those wants, just as every man does.”

 

Elia snorted a laugh. It felt wrong to her. But she would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it. She had lost that intimacy with Rhaegar, and would never get it back. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want it still.

 

She kissed her son’s silver head.

 

“Thank you for broaching the subject, Rhaegar.”

 

“I only want you to be happy. Even if I may not be the best person to give it to you.”

 

Elia smiled, “You are not.”

 

“If Oberyn has his way you would be remaining behind when it is time for us to leave here.”

 

“Oberyn is used to getting his way. He won’t be this time.”

 

Rhaegar smiled, relief in his eyes. “He is remarkably venomous.”

 

“He is ‘The Red Viper’ after all.”

 

Her husband laughed, the sound cut off by a cry of pain from the pool before them.

 

“Rhaegar!” Viserys called, his arm on Rhaenys’ back as the little girl cried. She was clutching her elbow, face screwed up as she wailed.

 

The other children had gathered around, watching in concern, but they made space for Rhaegar who was already running over to the children.

 

Elia stood as well to see what was happening, Aegon still asleep and cradled in her arms.

 

Rhaegar crouched down in front of Rhaenys and looked at her elbow. He turned back to Elia, “It’s just a cut, Elia.” He called back to her. Elia let out a sigh of relief and sat back down, keeping an eye on Rhaenys as Rhaegar wiped away her tears gently.

 

“Hush now.” Rhaegar said, “It’s okay.” He hugged the little girl and smiled to Viserys over her shoulder. “She will be fine, Viserys. Don’t worry.”

 

Elia watched as Rhaenys slowly calmed and Rhaegar took her hand to bring her inside and clean her cut.

 

Viserys came over to sit beside Elia and she let him finish off the fruit.

 

“Is this where we are living now?” Viserys asked her after a while.

 

Elia had been resting, her eyes closed in the warm sun. She opened them to look at the little boy. He met her gaze with steady eyes, a new certainty shining in them that she had never seen in him before. He was growing up, and somehow it made her sad.

 

“No, Viserys. We’re only visiting.”

 

“I want to stay here.” He said.

 

“Do you? Why?”

 

“I like the sunshine and the pools. I like Arianne. Why isn’t Dany here?”

 

Elia smiled, “She’s too young to bring along, Viserys. She’ll be safe back in King’s Landing.”

 

“I miss her.”

 

“I know.” Elia said sadly. The baby would always remind Viserys of their mother. Whether that was a good thing or not only time could tell.

 

“It’s easy to forget her when I’m having lots of fun. Or when I’m talking to Arianne or Rhae.”

 

“Rhae?”

 

“That’s Rhaenys’ nickname. We came up with it together.” The little boy said proudly.

 

Elia couldn’t help but smile. She let out a small chuckle, the motion shifted Aegon where he lay fast asleep against her chest. A comforting weight.

 

“Who do you forget when you are having lots of fun? Dany?” Elia asked.

 

Viserys watched her with wide eyes, the sadness in them made Elia’s breath catch. He shook his head, and she didn’t need to ask again who it was that this orphaned boy forgot.


	6. Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say a quick thank you to everybody who has left amazing, supportive comments after I posted the last chapter! You all are lovely!

Oberyn was fuming. He was fuming because he had been forced into this, and he was fuming because Elia had come to watch. She was smug, and she didn't try to hide it. She loved her little brother, but watching him sulk was always amusing.

 

Lyanna was in fighting gear, but because of the heat she had soon shed the little armour she had worn and it left her in a linen shirt with a tough leather chest plate the only form of protection she had. She was in pants and Elia couldn’t help but think how suited she was to them. She was far more comfortable in them and it was obvious.

 

This girl she saw - with Oberyn dancing around her, twirling his spear in the air - was not the same girl who had fallen in love with Rhaegar to escape a doomed marriage with Robert Baratheon. 

 

Or perhaps she was? Elia had to stop thinking in black and white. Lyanna was many things. Many horrible, wonderful things.

 

Oberyn - despite himself - was showing off. He leapt into the air, spear tight in his iron grip, except when he spun it in the air over and over till it made Elia dizzy to watch it.

 

Lyanna stepped around him, engaging him with her sword in bouts and then retreating when he spun around her. He was quicker and stronger than she was. And his fighting style so different. But Lyanna was clever and she could read his intentions the more she watched him move.

 

Elia looked on as Lyanna’s brown hair caught the light, copper strands illuminated. The Northerner swept her sword around to meet Oberyn’s spear. 

 

The impact of sword on sturdy wood reverberated across the training sands to reach Elia’s ears.

 

“He fights very well.” Rhaegar whispered to her. He was sitting beside her, transfixed by Oberyn. Elia knew that watching The Red Viper was a privilege, but Elia would never tell her little brother that.

 

Oberyn exchanged a few words with Lyanna before they broke apart to circle one another again. They got back to it immediately, the blows rapid fire and difficult to follow. Oberyn leapt into the air and pushed Lyanna back, but she spun around him, her sword reaching out and missing him as he spun again.

 

Lyanna let out a laugh, bright and full of energy. Oberyn grinned, his spear spinning around in front of him. He stepped forward languidly, the tip of his spear slicing open the back of Lyanna’s calf as she moved around him.

 

Elia watched Lyanna tense, the pain a brief expression on her pale face, before she straightened and bowed to Oberyn in concession.

 

Elia’s brother did the same, both of them speaking to one another before Lyanna held out her hand to him. He begrudgingly shook it and they walked over to where Elia and Rhaegar sat.

 

“You both fought wonderfully.” Rhaegar said as they neared. His eyes were bright with admiration. Elia was surprised to see that her husband’s admiration was for both fighters and not just Lyanna.

 

Oberyn bowed his head, his dark hair sweaty from the exertion. “It was a good fight.”

 

“Though I was outmaneuvered at every turn.” Lyanna laughed. She was still breathing heavily, but her smile was infectious. It was obvious that she had enjoyed herself.

 

Oberyn smirked, “We fight differently here in Dorne is all.”

 

Elia eyed him with a slight smile and tilted her head towards Lyanna with a raise of her brows. Her brother caught on to what she was silently asking, and he shot her an indignant look. With a soft sigh, he turned to Lyanna.

 

“You fight well.” He said.

 

“For a lady?”

 

Oberyn shook his head, “No. You fight well.”

 

Lyanna’s smile softened and she glanced at Elia. The Dornishwoman returned her smile, and winked to Lyanna, causing the Northerner to smile a little wider.

 

“Your Kingsguard must fight just as well.” Oberyn addressed Rhaegar, lifting his chin to eye the two Kingsguard behind them. Elia turned and met Arthur Dayne’s violet gaze. Immediately, she looked to Jaime, whose eyes were already on her. She could see him tense. No doubt caused by Oberyn’s sudden - and unwanted - attention.

 

“Of course.” Rhaegar nodded, “They are Kingsguard for a reason.”

 

Oberyn’s lips pulled into a smirk, “And yet one of them is called Kingslayer, is he not? If he can fight so well why stab Aerys in the back?”

 

There was silence amongst the group as their eyes turned to Jaime. The Lannister boy stared at Oberyn, his jaw clenched tight.

 

Rhaegar opened his mouth to respond but Jaime spoke first, his voice a lazy drawl.

 

“Killing a madman doesn’t require much skill.”

 

Elia winced and looked to Rhaegar, but her husband schooled his features into a mask of indifference. Only Elia could read his eyes. How much the comment disturbed him.

 

“Ser Jaime is a skilled swordsman. I can attest to that.” Arthur Dayne spoke, his voice soft and measured.

 

“I meant no offence, Ser Jaime.” Her brother said. “I do not mourn the late king. Not after what he did to my family.”

 

All their eyes were on Elia now. She looked to Oberyn, meeting her brother’s gaze with her own. He was unapologetic and it only made her angrier at him. He was provoking everyone.

 

“I agree.” Rhaegar nodded, surprising them all. “Your words are true, Prince Oberyn.” He glanced at Elia sadly, “But I deserve some of the blame for what was done to your family.”

 

“You do.” Oberyn nodded. “They are your family, as well.”

 

Suddenly, Elia was very aware of the spear in her brother’s hand.

 

“I think I shall have a bath.” Lyanna cut in, breaking the tense silence. “The weather here is pleasant, but it makes sparring disgusting work.” She laughed. 

 

“I shall join you.” Rhaegar said. 

 

The two of them left without preamble, Arthur in tow, although he bowed politely to Elia before he left.

 

Elia rounded on her brother once they were out of earshot. “Why must you be so abrasive?”

 

“He deserves it.”

 

“Perhaps. But it isn’t your job to punish him.”

 

“Yes, I know. It is yours! And yet you stand beside him and smile prettily! What would mother say, Elia?” 

 

“Do not talk to me about mother.” She snapped, “You never suffered under her as I did. You and Doran, her perfect sons. Always enough, always a source of pride for her. I was never that. I will  _ never _ be that! Why can’t you accept that I will always do things differently? That I am Dornish, but there are many ways to be Dornish.”

 

“There is a right thing to do here. It has nothing to do with being Dornish.” Her brother frowned.

 

“Oh? Is that so?” Elia raised a brow and stepped up to him. “This is my decision, not yours. These are my children, not yours. I have long accepted that I will never please mother. Please, do not take up her mantle. I will only disappoint you.”

 

At her stern voice and the finality of her words, Oberyn closed his eyes with a sigh. After a moment, he took her hand in his and squeezed. “Fine.” He said.

 

His eyes found hers, then shifted to Jaime, who stood behind them still.

 

“I will take my leave.” Oberyn said.

 

Elia nodded and watched him step back, tucking his spear behind him skillfully. He nodded to her, then met Jaime’s eyes. “Kingslayer.” He said as a farewell.

 

“Prince Oberyn.” Jaime replied.

 

Elia stood, tension in every muscle as she watched Oberyn walk away.

 

When he was gone, she let out a sigh. She felt Jaime come up beside her. And then his hand was on her arm.

 

The contact startled her. She looked up at him with wide eyes.

 

“I’m sorry for what I said.” He murmured.

 

“No, I understand why. Oberyn was provoking you.”

  
“Still, I shouldn’t have risen to it.” Jaime said. His gaze was gentle as he looked down at her, and his hand remained on her arm. “I know how you care for Rhaegar and Oberyn. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sure Rhaegar will give me a talking to.” A smirk appeared on his lips.

 

Elia smiled, “I’m glad you said it, Jaime. You are a good man and they all should know that as I do.” She put her hand over his and something changed between them almost immediately.

 

He stepped back and so did she, but their eyes did not leave one another.

 

There was a moment of silence in the wake of whatever had just passed between them.

 

“Shall we head back?” Elia breathed, unable to find her voice when he was looking at her the way that he was. With confusion in his eyes and something else she couldn’t place. She found she was too scared to try.

 

Jaime only nodded, and she set off ahead of him, aware of his presence at her back.

 

It was only when she entered her chambers alone that she really thought about what had just occurred. Rhaenys came up to her and began to talk about her trip to the pools with Viserys and Arianne, but Elia could barely concentrate on what her daughter was saying.

 

She thought about what Rhaegar had offered her. The chance to be intimate with somebody again. The embarrassing reality that she did want what he offered her. That freedom would lead her down a different path. And she wasn’t sure she was ready for it.

 

It would mean abandoning a traditional marriage, her traditional role. But she had abandoned that - not by her own volition - when Lyanna had stepped foot in King’s Landing. She was a queen now. And queens had often done what they wished. Taken suitors in secret. But Elia couldn’t see herself as that person. Did she want it that badly?

 

Elia was hit with a sudden realisation. Jaime had been present during that conversation with Rhaegar.

 

Had her husband planned it that way? With one of the Kingsguard in mind? Did the Lannister find her pathetic for being in such a position?

 

She and Jaime were friends. And only that.

 

Weren’t they?

 

\---------------------------------

 

The rain poured down on their final day in Dorne, as though the gods knew how much it pained Elia to leave.

 

Oberyn had been glued to her side all day, but she didn’t mind. It distracted her from all the thoughts running through her mind. Once she got back to King’s Landing she wouldn’t have her brothers here with her.

 

They sat in Doran’s chambers, Oberyn strolling about the room idly. He flipped through books, lifted scrolls to read through them, and hummed a tune.

 

Elia was sat opposite Doran who was seated behind his desk. Her older brother kept glancing at Oberyn in irritation until finally he set down his quill. “I cannot work when you are walking about making so much noise.” He said.

 

Oberyn turned, eyes wide in surprise. “I’m not making that much noise. Am I, Elia?” He asked.

 

“I’m not getting involved in this.”

 

Doran shot Oberyn a glare, “A wise choice. He is insufferable.”

 

“At least I’m not boring.” Oberyn walked slowly over to where his siblings were seated. 

 

“Grow up, Oberyn.”

 

Elia rolled her eyes, “Will you two stop fighting for a moment? I’m leaving today. You could at least try to make my last moments here pleasant.”

 

Doran turned to her, “Yes, we should try to make this as nice a day for you as possible.” He said pointedly.

 

Oberyn walked slowly over to where his siblings were seated. “But think of it this way, Elia. You won’t see us together for a long while. Don’t you want to hear us fight? You’ll miss it when you’re back in the capital.”

 

She laughed and even Doran smiled at that.

 

“I will miss you both. Please come and visit.” 

 

She looked to Doran, and he nodded. “If I can.”

 

“He won’t visit. He’s too busy.” Oberyn said.

 

“At least he writes to me. You never write.” Elia said, looking up at her younger brother with a raised brow.

 

Oberyn opened his mouth to reply, but paused when he caught sight of a figure by the door. The three siblings turned to see Rhaenys and Viserys. Then little Arianne pushed past them, striding in.

 

“Arianne, what did I say about coming in here while I’m working?” Doran sighed.

 

“But Uncle Oberyn is here!” The little girl protested. “You never work when he’s around.”

 

Oberyn frowned, looking to Doran. “I wonder where she picked that up from?”

 

Doran ignored his brother, “Arianne.” He said firmly.

 

“Oh hush, let her sit with me.” Elia smiled, holding her hand out to her niece. 

 

Arianne flounced over to her and Elia lifted her up onto her lap. Rhaenys and Viserys took that as a sign that they were welcome too and they walked in hand in hand.

 

“Is my study a nursery?” Doran murmured, but turned back to his work.

 

Oberyn grinned as Rhaenys came over to him with her wide dark eyes. She lifted her hands and he obliged, picking her up.

 

Elia smiled, “You have won her over very quickly.”

 

“I told you I was good with children. Particularly this little Dornish girl. She’s may be a dragon as well, but it helps that she’s the first one I have liked.” Oberyn smiled to his niece, bouncing her gently. The little girl giggled and hugged her uncle around the neck.

 

Viserys came up to Doran, his violet eyes peering over the edge of his wooden desk.

 

Elia’s older brother glanced down at the boy. “Hello.” He greeted, setting his quill down. “What are you looking for?”

 

Viserys linked his hands behind his back. “Nothing.” He said.

 

Doran exchanged a look with Elia, then turned back to Viserys. “Do you enjoy drawing, Viserys?”

 

The boy shrugged a shoulder, “A little bit.” He said, eyes cautious still and watching Doran curiously.

 

“Here.” The Dornish Prince took out a small wooden box of charcoal and a thick wad of paper. “Take this back to the capital with you. And the next time I see you, you can show me what you’ve drawn.” 

 

Viserys hesitated, but at Elia’s encouraging nod, he took the box and the paper. “Thank you.” He said.

 

Elia smiled, standing with Arianne in her arms. “Shall we leave Doran to work?” She looked to Oberyn pointedly and her younger brother nodded, heading to the door.

 

“I will see you off later, Elia.” Her older brother said as they left the room. 

 

Elia smiled to him, carrying Arianne out and setting her down to let the children play together a final time before they were to leave.

 

Jaime followed along behind her and Oberyn. The Lannister had been strange around her since the moment they had shared together. He had avoided conversation whenever she had been brave enough to initiate any and Elia didn’t blame him.

 

Still, it worried her to lose her good friend over an awkward moment.

 

“What will you do in King’s Landing when you return?” Oberyn asked, bringing her back to the present.

 

“The same as I usually do. Spend time with the children, draw, paint, ensure the court gossip doesn’t involve me too much.”

 

“Such an exciting life.”

 

Elia shrugged a shoulder, “It has its moments. Although, there are other things I’ve been thinking of doing.”

 

Oberyn raised a brow, “Such as?”

 

“I can’t tell you just yet.”

 

He frowned, “Now you’re keeping secrets? You really are changed, Elia. King’s Landing has done this to you.”

 

“Did you expect me to remain the same?” She asked seriously.

 

“No. I suppose not.”

 

She took her brother’s hand and smiled, “Please visit. You always bring me the most comfort. I can always count on you to be on my side. Only my side.”

 

Oberyn grinned, “I have no other loyalties.”

 

“Not until you are married.”

 

“Married?”

 

Elia laughed, “You will marry someday, surely.”

 

“Never.” Oberyn shook his head.

 

“But-”

 

“Never, Elia.”

 

She blinked in surprise. He said it with such conviction. A part of her wished for that same surety. She wished she could disregard her own marriage and take her pleasure the way her brother did. Dorne was a place of equality, after all. And if he could do it, then so could she. 

 

But only here. 

 

In King’s Landing things were different.

 

The sound of armour drifted towards them, but not from Jaime who was positioned behind them. Arthur Dayne rounded the corner, alone and walking with purpose.

 

The Martells paused to meet the Kingsguard, who slowed when he caught sight of them. It was obvious who he had come to find. His violet gaze found Elia’s face and did not stray from it.

 

He bowed low, “Queen Elia. Prince Oberyn.”

 

“Have you come to change shifts with the Kingslayer, Ser Arthur?” Oberyn asked. “A little early, is it not?”

 

Arthur shook his head, “I have come to speak with Queen Elia.”

 

It didn’t surprise her. He had been trying to speak with her for months now. Elia nodded to her brother when he turned to her with a raised brow.

 

“I will speak with him. Jaime, please allow us some privacy.”

 

The Lannister hesitated, his eyes flitting between Elia and Arthur. After a moment, he bowed his head, his gaze remaining on Elia. “I shall wait for you down the hall.” He murmured.

 

Oberyn and Jaime left together and Elia was glad she wouldn’t have to witness the conversation between the two of them. She sent up a small prayer to the Seven that Oberyn wouldn’t be too rude.

 

Then she sent up a small prayer for herself. So that she could get through this conversation with Arthur.

 

He looked to her with unreadable eyes, “Queen Elia.” He said.

 

She didn’t ask him to call her by her name despite their history together. “What is it you needed to speak with me about, Ser Arthur?” 

 

“I am glad to see you back in Dorne. I thought it was a good decision on your majesty’s part.”

 

Elia nodded, “Thank you. But this cannot be all you came to speak to me about?”

 

“No, it isn’t.” He shook his head, and still his expression was stoic. Elia found it disconcerting how she could not see what he was feeling. But it made sense, they had never really known one another despite what had happened between them.

 

“I know that this may be a sensitive topic for you. I know that you feel that the Kingsguard betrayed you just as Rhaegar did when he took us to protect Queen Lyanna.”

 

Elia joined her hands in front of her, nails digging into her own skin with how tightly she held them.

 

“But you do not have the same history with Ser Gerold or Ser Oswell as you do with me.”

 

“And what history is that?”

 

“Elia.” He sighed, and the sudden flash of exasperation on his face that she recognised set her slightly at ease, although his breach of propriety did not. 

 

“Elia, must you make me say it?”

 

“You are Kingsguard, as you have always wanted to be. You have honour, do you not? You can remind me exactly why our relationship is different. Why we are not just Queen and Kingsguard. Why you wrote those letters to me all those years, those moments we stole together, and all for what? For you to join the Kingsguard. For you to break every promise you made to me in secret. So that nobody could hold you accountable when you broke my heart. Not even I.”

 

“Elia, I am sorry.” Arthur said, stepping forward, his armour clinking. “I know I wrote those letters to you. I cared for you deeply, Elia. And I chose the Kingsguard instead. I know I promised to marry you. I-”

 

“I do not care about that, Arthur. It happened so long ago. I am married to Rhaegar now, I have children, and you are still Kingsguard. Why must we bring up the past?”

 

“Because it haunts me.” Arthur said, violet eyes intense as they met her black ones. “I cannot watch you from afar any longer. Elia,” He stepped closer and the air between them seemed to constrict. “Elia, I know what Rhaegar offered you.” He murmured.

 

He smelled of Dornish spices, the salt of the sea, the memory of her youth when she had kissed him in alcoves and poured her heart out into letters to him. That emotion, unbidden, sprang up in her again. And some new desire brought about by Arthur’s suggestion. His proposition to her, to have him again the way she once had.

 

“Has he asked every member of the Kingsguard to proposition me? Or just you?” She sneered.

 

“Just me.”

 

“Why can’t you both stay out of my business? If I wanted you like that I could have you in an instant, Arthur.” She laughed, “I’m a queen.” She didn’t quite believe what she was saying, but it was true. Should she wish to have him as a lover, Arthur would have little choice.

 

“You are not that sort of woman, Elia. You wouldn’t force it on me.” He shook his head, “So I have come to inform you that I am not unwilling.”

 

“Meaning you are willing?” She drawled.

 

Arthur - to her surprise - blushed. “I left you for the Kingsguard, but that doesn’t mean I am without emotion for you, Elia.”

 

She held back the rising emotion in her, coming up to meet his. It was that look in his eyes, like he carried fire in them. It was the way he stood close to her, close enough to reach out and touch. It was the deep breaths he took, calling back to her pressed against his chest, the stone against her back, his lips and teeth at her neck. 

 

But it was an old feeling. These were memories she had long forgotten. And she had been a girl back then.

 

And she couldn’t disregard his arrogance. What made him think she wanted him that way? Just because he was a handsome man she used to love? He didn’t come to ask permission, only to tell her that he gave his.

 

Elia looked to him, “Thank you for telling me, Arthur. But I will not give myself to another man who does not know my worth. You didn’t then, and you don’t now.”

 

He took a step back, his face back to being that stoic mask he always wore. She found that it didn’t pain her to reject him. Perhaps one day she could do the same with Rhaegar. The hurt wouldn’t hold sway over her any longer. Nor would her lingering love for him. It gave her a little hope.

 

Elia straightened, “Ser Arthur, I bid you good day.” She walked past him, that old feeling left behind with the Dornishman. He was just a Kingsguard to her after all.

 

She walked ahead and turned the corner to find Jaime. He leaned lazily against the wall, but straightened suddenly as she approached. 

 

Their eyes met and they watched one another for a moment. The Kingsguard smirked, sending heat into Elia’s cheeks.

 

“Come. We’ll be late.” She murmured, and he fell into step beside her.

 

She glanced at him as they walked through the warm corridors of the Water Gardens, the setting sun brought out the gold of his hair, the gold of his armour, the gold in his skin. He caught her looking and grinned - reminding Elia so much of Lyanna’s wolf grin. 

 

“What are you smiling about, Ser Jaime?”

 

“You rejected him.”

 

Elia paused, the statement shocking her. “How do you know?”

 

“I knew you would even before you had your conversation with him. He so obviously wanted you. But you could never be with him.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Because he’s like Rhaegar. He doesn’t see you for who you really are. Not the way your brothers do, or little Viserys,” His grin softened, “Or me.”

 

“You think that you see me for who I really am?” Elia raised a brow, a smile pulling at her lips.

 

“I do. I have seen you through it all, my queen. And I only want to see more.” 

 

His eyes shone with the truth of it, and Elia could see that he had only just realised it himself.

 

Elia turned away from the honesty in his eyes and in his words. She thanked the gods when Doran interrupted them, her older brother coming from his study to see her off.

 

They made their way to the courtyard where the carriages awaited. 

 

Elia tried not to cry when she said goodbye to her family, but when she climbed into the carriage and they rode away she watched the shrinking figure of Oberyn from the window and it was too much for her.

 

Aegon crawled into her lap and lay his head on her chest as Elia stared out the window to hide her tears. A gentle hand landed on top of her own and she turned to find Lyanna, seated before her, with a sad smile on her face. 

 

“Thank you for showing me where you come from. The children were so happy to see your home, Elia. And so was I.” Lyanna said.

 

Elia wiped her tears away and mustered a smile, “If anything it was an interesting trip.”

 

Lyanna nodded, some emotion that Elia could not place shone in her grey eyes, “Yes, it was.” The wolf-girl said.


	7. Plead

“Have you ever wanted to go sailing?” Elia asked Lyanna wistfully.

 

The two women were seated under Elia’s favourite canopy overlooking Blackwater Bay. The ocean was inviting, as it always was. The sea breeze was calling her name.

 

Lyanna shook her head, “The waters are not so inviting in the North. I never wanted to sail them.”

 

“What about these waters?” Elia turned her gaze to Lyanna and away from the rolling waves.

 

Lyanna smiled, she was glowing today, the sunlight lighting up her pale skin and bringing out the pale grey of her eyes. “These waters are inviting.” She said. Lyanna stroked a pale hand over her swollen abdomen.

 

The news had come in the months after their visit to Dorne. Lyanna was with child again, and she had proceeded with the pregnancy normally. Elia found she didn’t mind that Lyanna was pregnant with Rhaegar’s child. She had long since accepted their relationship and her mind was elsewhere. Namely, on Jaime Lannister.

 

She only hoped that this child would be a girl. For Lyanna’s sake.

 

Aegon had begun to run, his little feet carrying him quickly after his sister who would squeal and run away when he approached. He cried only once when she had done this, after becoming frustrated with how fast Rhaenys was and how he could never catch her. Now, he knew it was a game. And Rhaenys always kissed his silver head afterwards to let him know she loved him still.

 

Elia watched them sitting together under the table, drawing with coloured chalks. Viserys was seated at the table, his braided head bent in concentration. A large, sprawling book of maps was open before him and the boy was meticulously copying a map onto his parchment with the charcoal Doran had given him.

 

Elia smiled, watching as Viserys’ little tongue poked out in concentration. Lyanna watched him as well and stifled a laugh. The two women exchanged a look with one another.

 

Elia looked away first, turning to the bassinet beside her. Daenerys lay inside, the baby much larger and stronger than she had been when she had first arrived in the capital. She stroked her little silver strands of hair.

 

“How is she?” Lyanna asked.

 

“Healthy. She reminds me so much of Rhaella.”

 

“How?” Lyanna’s voice was soft, almost hesitant.

 

“She has the same eyes, but so does Rhaegar. And they all sort of look the same, don’t they? The Targaryens. But there is something about her smile. Rhaella smiled all the time, despite what she was being put through. Despite what Aerys did to her. Dany has her mother’s smile.”

 

Lyanna watched her curiously, her own baby boy lying in the bassinet beside her. After a moment she spoke. “Was it hard for you when Rhaenys was born?” She asked.

 

“With Rhaegar? Not really, he got the daughter and the son he wanted. I was confused at first, because I thought he would want a son. But when Rhaenys came first he was overjoyed.”

 

“No, I meant with how she looks.” Lyanna murmured, her eyes still on her son beside her.

 

Elia’s eyes softened in sympathy. “It was. Aerys made it clear that she was too Dornish in her colouring. Too like her mother.” She glanced at Rhaenys under the table. “But I’m proud. They are both just as Martell as they are Targaryen.”

 

Lyanna grinned, her hand hidden in Jaehaerys’ bassinet. The baby cooed softly up at his mother. Elia watched Lyanna curiously. She had had the same worry when she had given birth to Rhaenys. Lyanna was not so different from her.

 

“I think Jaehaerys will be a mighty warrior. A real Northern fighter. Like his mother.” Elia said. “And he will be a Targaryen prince as well.”

 

Their eyes met for a long moment before Elia looked back to the sea. The waves crashed up against the shore as though the sea demanded her attention. The sound of it washed over her and brought her peace.

 

“Will your brothers be here soon?” Elia asked after a moment of silence.

 

“They should be.”

 

“Are you excited to see them?”

 

“I am.” Lyanna smiled, her grey eyes lit up with happiness. It took Elia by surprise. She had never seen such light in Lyanna’s eyes, except perhaps after she had sparred with Oberyn.

 

“I should leave you to greet them on your own.” Elia said, making to stand. She turned to the children, but Lyanna stopped her with a hand on her arm.

 

“No. I’d like them to meet you. I’ve written to them about you and have promised them a meeting. They know all you’ve done for me and wish to thank you.” Lyanna laughed, “As if you would want their thanks.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I want their thanks?”

 

Lyanna blushed, another surprise to Elia. “You don’t seem like the kind of woman who would bother with such trivial pleasantries. Your conversation isn’t shallow.”

 

“I’m sure your brothers’ gratitude isn’t shallow.”

 

Lyanna laughed, “You’re right. But you don’t need it.”

 

Elia smiled, “No, that’s true. I would help you with or without your brothers’ thanks.” She laughed, “Perhaps I’ve been pleasant to you this whole time only to get some favour in return?” She teased.

 

“I’m very much in your debt. I wouldn’t mind owing you a favour.” Lyanna looked up at her with her bright eyes.

 

Elia shook her head, “I would never ask that of you.”

 

Jaime cleared his throat behind them and the two women turned. Behind the Kingsguard stood two tall Northern men. Elia recognised Eddard immediately, his long brown hair was cleaner and longer than when she had last seen the new Lord Stark.

 

Benjen was a long faced youth, still lanky and thin in places unlike his older brother. He had pleasant eyes. Lyanna’s eyes.

 

“Your brothers, Queen Lyanna.” Jaime announced, his voice a drawl. Eddard eyed the back of his golden head with distrust.

 

Elia only gave Jaime a sad smile, but the Kingsguard gave a slight shake of his head. _His disdain doesn’t bother me._

 

She met Eddard’s eyes as the two men stepped forward to greet Lyanna. The wolf girl hugged Benjen first, her younger brother holding her tight.

 

When Lyanna turned to Eddard, Elia averted her eyes. Somehow it was too intimate to see the older Stark displaying such affection.

 

Rhaenys and Aegon watched from under the table, and Viserys had finally set down his charcoal to eye the two men suspiciously.

 

“Aunt Lyanna?” Viserys spoke up, “Who are they?”

 

Lyanna turned back from Eddard, her face a picture of joy. “These are my brothers. Ben and Ned.”

 

Benjen smiled awkwardly, his grey eyes never once meeting Elia’s gaze. Eddard nodded firmly to the Targaryen prince, polite as always.

 

Then he addressed Elia.

 

“Queen Elia. It has been some time since last we met.”

 

Lyanna blinked in surprise, “You two have met?” She looked to Eddard with a raised brow.

 

He nodded, “After the sacking.”

 

Lyanna’s smile faded, a shadow crossing her features for a moment. Elia didn’t have to think too hard to figure out what ghost haunted Lyanna in this moment. Robert Baratheon’s rebellion, undertaken in her name, still played heavily on her mind it seemed. As it should, Elia thought.

 

“It was not a pleasant meeting.” Elia murmured, “But thankfully times have changed.”

 

Rhaenys ran up behind her, wrapping her arms around her mother’s leg. She peeked out at the Northerners curiously.

 

“Your daughter has grown. And so has Prince Aegon.” Eddard said, a grim smile on his face. He nodded, seemingly pleased, as though he gave Elia his approval for this feat. “I am glad to see them grow.”

 

She smiled, her hand atop Rhaenys’ dark head. “I have you to thank for that.”

 

“Not just I.” He shook his head, and when he met her eyes they were unreadable, “But I have you to thank for Lyanna’s wellbeing here. You have taken good care of my sister and you have my gratitude for it.”

 

Elia smiled, her gaze flicking to Lyanna’s pretty face. Eddard’s little sister looked between them happily.

 

“Lyanna is family now.” She said, “And she has become a friend to me over the past few months. But I shall leave you to speak in private.”

 

Elia looked to Viserys and the little boy nodded to her and began to pack up his things.

 

“No, no. Please, they can stay if they want.” Lyanna said.

 

Elia hesitated for a moment.

 

Why did she hesitate? Did she not trust Lyanna with the children?

 

Elia knew that Lyanna would enjoy their company, and watch over the children like they were her own. And Lyanna had yet to introduce them to her brothers properly. She would want to show them her new life, provide them with some reassurance that she was being taken care of. That she was adjusted to her new life. Elia could understand this.

 

She turned to Viserys, “You can stay if you’d like. But don’t be too loud.” She said.

 

Viserys nodded, turning back to his maps.

 

Rhaenys smiled at Eddard, her black eyes glinting with mischief. Elia took her daughter’s hand, “And you behave.” She said sternly. “Don’t get in the way.”

 

Rhaenys blinked up at her innocently, “Okay, mama.” She said.

 

Elia sighed, letting her daughter join Aegon who remained underneath the table, fascinated with the chalks still.

 

She turned to Jaime and, silently, they left the three Starks to talk with one another.

 

The sky above King’s Landing was darkening, but it was near midday. Elia felt a strong, cold breeze come in from the sea, bringing with it the electric scent of an oncoming storm. She ran her hands over her upper arms to bring some warmth into her skin.

 

Jaime walked beside her, instead of behind, but Elia did not reprimand him. She found that the line between Kingsguard and friend was blurring when it came to her relationship with Jaime Lannister. But she also found that she did not mind.

 

“Which brother do you think she is most like?” Jaime asked.

 

Elia shrugged a shoulder, “I did not know Brandon very well, nor do I know Benjen. I feel he is still too young for us to see his true nature. But Eddard is an easy man to know.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“He doesn’t seem to have a dishonourable bone in his body. Once you know that about him, you can guess at what he’s thinking.”

 

To Elia’s surprise, Jaime scoffed - a bitter sound. “He takes great pride in his honour.” He said. His tone made her look at him curiously. Perhaps he too had some history with the Lord Stark. And from what she could see it wasn’t pleasant. He had been arrested by him after the sacking. Perhaps words had been exchanged between the two? Eddard certainly did not like the Lannister from what she could tell.

 

“Who am I most like?” She asked as a distraction.

 

Jaime raised a brow, his cat-green eyes appraising her. It was a searching look, one that was not limited to her face. His gaze roved her body as well, and Elia bristled at his arrogance. Yet she found that his attention pleased her somewhat. A Dornishwoman would not shy away from such attention, so Elia allowed herself to enjoy it.

 

“You are like both your brothers. Not as fierce as Oberyn. But I feel,” He smiled, “you have more of your younger brother in you than Prince Doran."

 

"What makes you say so?"

 

"You two fight more often, don't you?"

 

Elia nodded, looking away with an embarrassed smile.

 

"It's because you are so alike. Cersei and I fight more than I ever do with other members of my family. When my younger brother grows older I doubt I will fight with him the same way as I do with her." Jaime shrugged a shoulder, "Cersei and I have a close bond."

 

Elia nodded, "It must be hard to be apart from her."

 

She searched his face, but he seemed lost in thought. Far away from her.

 

Elia put a gentle hand on his arm, his golden armour hard and smooth beneath her fingertips. Jaime blinked and looked to her in surprise, a small smile pulling at his lips.

 

“You’re very forward.” He teased.

 

Elia rolled her eyes and Jaime’s green gaze lit up with mischief in response. She found she didn’t mind.

 

“You forget who you’re talking to, Jaime.”

 

“Jaime? Not Ser Jaime? Not Kingslayer?”

 

“When have I ever called you that name?”

 

“Never.” He said, his hand coming to rest atop her own. “And I am grateful.” He averted his eyes, looking down at their joined hands. Something passed over his face, a frown forming on his strong brow.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“You’re my queen.” He said. “And Rhaegar is my king. I would never presume to think you and I were anything other than what we are. Except,” He paused, “That you have made it clear we are friends. And the king has made it clear that he doesn’t intend to hold you to marital expectations.” Jaime smirked, the familiar sight of the Lannister’s arrogance bringing Elia some comfort in this unusual conversation.

 

His thumb brushed over the back of her hand and Elia’s breath caught. Internally, she admonished herself. Why did she need what he offered so badly? She should be fine on her own.  


“We are friends, Jaime.” Elia nodded.

 

“Is that all we are? Because recently,” His eyes remained on their hands, his thumb running over her brown skin again. Elia held her breath. “Recently, it seems that something has changed.”

 

“You have changed.” Elia murmured.

 

“After Aerys?” He looked up at her. Their faces were so close. She had not seen him this close very often and only ever briefly. He had light freckles across his cheeks, barely noticeable on his sun-kissed skin.

 

Elia nodded, “Ever since then you have become someone different. I liked you before and I like you after. But now you’re...different.”

 

“In a bad way?”

 

“No. Not in a bad way.”

 

“Perhaps you see me differently.”

 

She nodded slowly, knowing that much was true. A soft drop of rain fell onto her arm, then onto their joined hands.

 

It was then that they parted from one another. But neither one of them moved onwards down the path. Jaime still had something to say.

 

Elia didn't mind the rain and she could not deny she wanted to hear what he had to say.

 

“What I am trying to tell you, not very well might I add,” He laughed softly, but it was nervous. “Is that I admire you. You have been my charge for so long, but the more time I spend around you the more I see who you are.” He murmured, “You’re not just my queen, Elia. You’re my closest friend here.”

 

Elia could see how difficult it was for him to open up this way. She offered him a smile, "And you are my closest friend. I trust you with my life and the lives of my children."

 

"Even after what I've done?"

 

"Yes." Elia said, "You know how I feel about what you've done." She shot him an exasperated look.

 

He didn't smile. "You don't know everything I have done."

 

Her smile faltered, "I've done terrible things too. We all have." She was growing impatient. "Is this what you had to tell me?"

 

The rain was falling harder now, more raindrops hitting the crown of her head. She could already see the golden strands of his hair turning a deep bronze where the water fell.

 

"No. I wanted to tell you," He fixed her with his gaze, something intense in his eyes that made her forget the rain and her impatience. "that you mean more to me than you know. I've only ever been with one woman." He looked away then and Elia knew exactly what it was he was telling her even if he did not say it outright.

 

Jaime continued, "But she's not here. She won't be here. And I want to be here in King's Landing. Protecting you. Watching the children grow. Serving a just king."

 

Jaime leaned forward and took her hand and she let him. His skin was warm, if a little wet from the rain.

 

"But that's not the only reason I'm telling you this. You have caught me, Elia. I don't know how, I don't know why. But I want to be beside you always. Keeping you safe. And keeping you happy."

 

Elia was about to answer him, not really sure what she was going to say but feeling the need to say something. But he took her hand and lifted it to his lips before she could speak. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles, his green eyes full of emotion.

 

Elia watched him closely and he released her hand. "You don't need to say anything yet. Think on it if you need to."

 

She smiled sheepishly, feeling her cheeks heat. "I will think about it. But," she laughed softly, "But I do like you, Jaime."

 

A thunderclap sounded in the distance and it was enough to tear both their eyes from one another. They looked skyward, both knowing they should head indoors.

 

Jaime gestured for her to walk ahead down the path towards the palace. But Elia walked beside him, their hands brushing gently as they strolled together in peace.

 

Right now, Elia felt that not even the storm could reach them.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“The Kingslayer?” Rhaegar’s voice rose in surprise.

 

Elia shot him a look. “Don’t call him that. You of all people shouldn’t be calling him that.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so used to hearing it from the other Kingsguard I suppose.” Rhaegar said. He paced in front of her armchair, the fireplace roaring to try to fill her chambers with enough heat to beat back the cold of the storm outside. It seeped into the stone of the Red Keep, the Targaryens and Martells inside could not stand it.

 

Elia was sure the three Starks in the palace would be fine.

 

“So Jaime propositioned you?” Rhaegar raised a brow. “He’s very young.”

 

“He’s not that young.” Elia huffed, “What are you trying to say, Rhaegar? That I am too old?”

 

“No! Not at all. You’re a beautiful woman and-”

 

“Oh, be quiet.”

 

Rhaegar paused, eyes wide and then they crinkled into a smile. He chuckled. “I only meant that he may be too young in spirit for you.”

 

“I think he’s done quite a bit of growing up in the last year.”

 

Rhaegar nodded, coming to stand before her. He looked down at her, then crouched so they were eye to eye.

 

Elia looked over his face. She found she had taken to doing this whenever they were alone together. Whenever he would come to her chambers to ask her advice, to see the children, or just to sit with her and talk about Rhaella. Elia would search his face - an open book to her - to see if he was okay.

 

“I only worry that he will hurt you. He’s a Lannister. I don’t know what his father has been telling him, but if word got out that you and he were involved in such a way there would be chaos. Tywin Lannister wouldn’t mind chaos. He would see it as an opportunity.”

 

Elia blinked. That hadn’t occurred to her.

 

She believed Jaime when he spoke, but was he that good of a liar? It seemed these feelings had come out of nowhere, now that she thought about it. They had been good friends, that she was sure of. But it was only after Rhaegar had told her - in front of Jaime - that she was free to take a lover that Jaime had shown interest.

 

“You really think Jaime could do that?” Elia asked. She did not believe for a second that Rhaegar knew Jaime better than she. Elia said it more to think it over aloud, with Rhaegar offering her an alternate opinion. When it came to Jaime she could not deny she was biased. Her emotion towards him made it so.

 

“I don’t know. I know the Lannisters are loyal to one another, perhaps more so than they are to their king. Jaime may be no different.” Rhaegar murmured. He ran a hand through his silver hair. “He killed his last king, Elia. You need to find out where his loyalties lie before you move forward.” He paused, his purple eyes curious. “Do you _want_ to move forward with him?”

 

Elia’s hands fiddled with the pale yellow cloth of her gown. “I’m not sure. I am fond of him.”

 

“But do you desire him?”

 

“I don’t know, Rhaegar.” She snapped. “The last man I desired did not make it a very pleasant experience for me.”

 

Rhaegar sighed, eyes looking skyward as if for help from one of the Seven. “I’m sorry. You know how sorry I am.” He said, his hand on her knee.

 

Elia didn’t move it, she knew he did not want to patronise her. He was concerned, she could see it on his face. He was worried for her, but not just for her. For the children, for himself. For the kingdom.

 

Elia put her hand over his. “I know. I’m just confused. I need time to figure out whether I want Jaime that way. Whether I even want to take a lover.”

 

“I offered it to you as though it was something I could give.” Rhaegar murmured, his eyes downcast now. “But there are still precautions we must take. I trust Arthur with my life.” He looked up at her, a bemused expression on his face. “But you have made it clear you want nothing to do with him.”

 

She scoffed, “You don’t know our history.”

 

“I do.” Rhaegar said, “It was why I encouraged him to act on his feelings towards you. I thought it would be perfect if you chose him as your lover.” He smirked, “But I respect your opinion of him. And ultimately, it is your decision.”

 

Elia nodded. “Would you think ill of me? If I did decide to take a lover?”

 

“No.” Rhaegar frowned. “Elia, nobody would think ill of you. None of the Kingsguard, not Lyanna, especially not I. You are human.” He squeezed her hand. “Full of life, emotion, desire, pain.” He spoke softly, the firelight dancing in his eyes and in his silver hair. “But more importantly, you are my dear friend, my family, and I want you to be happy.”

 

She smiled and returned his squeeze, his skin rough and warm and so familiar. But she let him go, and he stood and paced again before her.

 

“How is Lyanna?” Elia asked, her eyes following his movement.

 

“She is well. The Maesters say the child is healthy.”

 

Elia raised a brow, “And what do you pray for? A girl?”

 

Rhaegar paused, glancing at her. His eyes seemed to glaze over, his thoughts far away. It was familiar to Elia. He would get this look whenever this strange mission of his was on his mind.

 

He nodded, “A girl would make things right.” He said softly.

 

Elia sighed, “I pray for a girl, too. If only so that neither one of your wives has to bear witness to this madness of yours any longer.”

 

“Madness?”

 

Elia knew she had misspoken. It was still too raw. His father’s madness and his Targaryen heritage was enough for that word to mean more than she realised.

 

And yet, wasn’t it madness?

 

“You left a wife and two beautiful children to fulfill this plan of yours. I would call it madness.”

 

Rhaegar turned to face her, hands behind his back. They held each others’ gaze for a moment. Then he sighed, and that glaze was gone from his eyes. He was her Rhaegar again.

 

“Do not treat Lyanna the same as you did me.” She said quietly. “That girl is my friend. You brought her here and upset too many people when you did it. Please, don’t make this even harder for her.”

 

Rhaegar shook his head, “You know I won’t.”

 

“I don’t know that.” She said quickly. “In fact, I know the opposite. You are not yourself when you speak of this three-headed dragon of yours. You’re not yourself when you pray for a girl child. When you turned away from Jaehaerys right after Lyanna had brought him into the world for you.”

 

Rhaegar swallowed hard, but he remained silent.

 

“Lyanna was hurt by it. Any woman would have been.”

 

Rhaegar nodded slowly. “I promise I will try. I love my children, Elia.”

 

“That I know.” She offered him a soft smile.

 

He looked over at Rhaenys and Aegon, both asleep in Elia’s large bed. She would have to move them when she was ready to retire.

 

“Thank you for taking us to Dorne.” He said.

 

Elia turned her head to look at him in surprise.

 

“I forgot to say it once we had returned. But I believe it was the happiest moment of my life when I saw the children playing in the Water Gardens.” He smiled, his purple eyes full of love. “I want to return some day.”

 

Elia beamed, “So do I.”

 

Rhaegar did not stay for much longer and when Elia went to bed that night she found that she could not sleep. There were too many worrying thoughts of the Kingsguard outside her door that would not leave her head.

 

\---------------------------------

 

The storm lasted through the night, but began to quiet the next morning. Viserys had come into her room in the night and had curled up beside her in bed. She woke in the morning to find him fast asleep, tucked into her side.

 

She wondered if Dany had woken, and asked a chambermaid if the baby had found the storm upsetting, but the young woman reported that the girl had slept through it. Elia smiled. She was Stormborn after all.

 

Rhaenys was awake, playing quietly with her brother on the floor. She looked up at Elia when she woke and toddled over to her. She was approaching her fourth year and Elia could barely believe it herself.

 

“Mama, where is Jaehaerys?” She asked.

 

“He’s with Lyanna.”

 

“Why isn’t he here? Papa says he’s our brother.”

 

Elia sighed. She had known they would have to be told the truth eventually, but somehow she had hoped Rhaegar would explain all of it to the children, not just that Jaehaerys was their brother.

 

“You know that I am not Jaehaerys’ mama, right?” Elia said softly, sitting down with the children. Aegon took the opportunity to crawl into her lap, his silver hair falling in sweet ringlets about his face.

 

“But papa is his papa?” Rhaenys asked, a confused frown on her brow.

 

Elia nodded.

 

“And Lyanna is his mama.” Rhaenys said. “So he is our brother? Or something else? Viserys is not my brother. Is Jaehaerys like him?”

 

Elia shook her head, “It’s very complicated. Jaehaerys is your brother. You two must treat him as such.”

 

Rhaenys and Aegon nodded, though the boy was still too young to truly understand, he looked at his mother with clear eyes. She almost believed he could understand what she was saying.

 

Viserys woke then and demanded to see Dany. Elia told him to ask nicely, and the boy - sheepishly - apologised and asked the chambermaid to see his little sister. Rhaenys wanted to come along and once Aegon saw them both leaving he cried out and toddled after them.

 

Elia caught sight of Jaime outside as the door shut behind the three children and the maid. She stood up with a sigh, donning her dressing gown. They needed to talk.

 

Elia moved to the door, just as a knock sounded at it. She tucked her hair behind her ear, a habit she had picked up whenever her mother would enter her room and proceed to scrutinise her appearance. It seemed she had not yet shaken it.

 

“Come in.” She called.

 

Jaime entered quietly, the soft clink of his armour the only noise as he shut the door behind him. There was tension between them and Elia surveyed his expression to find it strangely guarded.

 

The realisation came to her soon after. “Rhaegar spoke with you.”

 

Jaime nodded, hand resting nonchalantly atop the pommel of his sword strapped to his hip.

 

“I’m sorry. I had to tell him.”

 

“I know. I only wish his first instinct was not to distrust me.” He rammed a hand through his blond hair, “I serve his family. I’m loyal to him.” He fixed Elia with his gaze. “What must I do to prove that?”

 

Elia nodded, “He only worries that perhaps you may be more loyal to your family.”

 

“I’m part of the Kingsguard.” He said. “I gave all that up.”

 

She approached him slowly, clad in her dressing gown and only just realising that perhaps it was a little inappropriate to be in front of him like this. But she didn’t really care. She was from Dorne. And perhaps it was time to start acting a little more Dornish.

 

“There is a way to prove it.” She said.

 

“How?” He frowned, looking down at her. His freckles could be seen in the morning light, though it was dimmer than usual because of the storm that remained unrelenting outside.

 

“If I were to take you as a lover you could not tell a soul.” She said quietly, fighting back her slight embarrassment at uttering the words.

 

“I wouldn’t. Not unless you told me to. I would do anything to keep you safe, Elia.” He said quietly.

 

The room was so silent, she could hear her own heart beating in her chest. Or perhaps she was imagining it. Maybe it was working harder than usual. Pumping that Dornish blood through her to give her enough courage for what was to come.

 

“Do you promise me?” She asked.

 

Jaime nodded solemnly. “Of course. I promise.”

 

“And what of this other woman you were with?”

 

At that his face changed. His expression grew sorrowful and Elia wondered if the woman had died or perhaps she had left him for someone else, because he looked so terribly sad.

 

After a moment, he steeled his gaze. “She isn’t here. And...” He hesitated, thinking about the right words to say. “And the longer I am apart from her the more I seem to find myself. She will always have a part of me.” He said firmly.

 

Elia’s heart sunk. Perhaps he had changed his mind about his feelings for her.

 

“But you have a part of me, too.” He murmured.

 

Elia looked up at him and the room around them seemed to shrink.

 

By the Seven, how badly she wanted this.

 

And how badly he wanted her. His fingers were leaving the pommel of his sword, reaching for her waist. Elia moved at the same time he did. He slid his arm around her, his golden gauntlet hard against her back, just as her arm came around his shoulders and she pulled him down to meet her mouth.

 

Jaime came willingly, such heat in his kiss that it set Elia’s blood aflame. She could feel her desire rising in her and she kissed him earnestly, her hands sliding into his golden hair as his hand came up to cup her cheek.

 

The kiss sweetened when he touched her like this. Elia could feel his affection taking root in her, making itself known. She could feel how much he wanted to care for her. How much he wanted to protect her. He had leaned his body over her own, tilting her head and bending her back.

 

Elia placed a gentle hand on his chest and they pulled apart, still in one another’s arms. Her black eyes met green. Her soft smile built into a laugh as he grinned a self-satisfied grin.

 

Without a word, just a look in her eye that he matched in turn, she tugged him by the arm and over to the bed.

 

Thunder shook the palace walls - the storm returning in full force - but Elia could not feel it. All she could feel was lightning.


	8. Bargaining

The baby girl wailed from her cot and her mother got up to comfort her. 

 

“She’s been crying for an age, Elia.” Lyanna murmured, her voice quiet. She lifted the baby to her chest, trying to soothe her. “What does she want?”

 

Elia sighed sadly and stood up to join the mother and child. “She’s just tired.” She murmured.

 

“But she won’t sleep.”

 

A stray tear rolled down Lyanna’s cheek and Elia lifted a gentle hand to wipe it away. “Give her to me. You need to rest.” She said kindly.

 

Lyanna shook her head stubbornly. “She’s my daughter. I should be able to settle her.”

 

“It’s not your fault, Lyanna. She’s just a baby.” Elia raised her arms to take the child and after a moment Lyanna handed the crying baby over. 

 

The younger woman cringed at the wails coming from her daughter. She sat in the chair by the fire and squeezed her eyes shut.

 

It took a long while and more of Elia’s patience than she would have liked but she finally settled the baby down. She laid her down in her cot, her fingers ghosting over the fine silver wisps of hair on the baby’s head.

 

“Thank you.” Lyanna said softly. 

 

She looked exhausted, and Elia felt only sympathy for her. The labour had not been difficult, and they had all been overjoyed when it was announced it was a girl that had been born. But the baby had changed Lyanna somewhat, made her melancholic and tired. It didn’t help that she refused the assistance of the wetnurse.

 

“It will get easier. You need to accept help, Lyanna. You don’t need to do this alone.” Elia came to sit on the arm of the chair Lyanna was now collapsed upon.

 

“ _ You _ did it alone.”

 

“I did not.” Elia said.

 

Lyanna looked up at her with tired grey eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

“I nursed them, yes. But when the babies got like this I knew it would drive me insane to handle them on my own. Rhaegar helped. And the wetnurse.” She looked to Lyanna pointedly.

 

The Northern girl smiled, though it was strained. “You may have a point. I may be being too stubborn.”

 

Elia bit her lip.

 

Lyanna laughed softly. “You have been thinking that this whole time.”

 

She shrugged, “I can be stubborn, too. I understand.”

 

Lyanna yawned and rubbed at her eyes. Elia thought she would stand to move to the bed but she shifted in the armchair and laid her head in Elia’s lap. Her brown hair - unwashed and unkempt - shone copper in the firelight and looked beautiful against Elia’s blue skirts.

 

Elia’s hands moved to the locks of hair, stroking over them gently. Lyanna let out a sigh of content and Elia shifted her hand to her head, fingers running over her scalp as they gently detangle her hair. 

 

Lyanna closed her eyes and dozed. Elia herself was lost in thought, her fingers stilling on the other woman’s head.

 

_ “Visenya.”  _

 

_ Rhaegar’s smile was almost infectious as he said the name. Or it would have been if Elia hadn’t felt the pang of an old rage at his pride. And his choice of name. _

 

_ There was jealousy there too, as she watched Lyanna take the wailing child. The girl was smiling weakly, but she cradled her new daughter with love that Elia could almost feel herself. She knew that feeling. She could remember it. _

 

_ Elia would never be able to do this again. To bring a life into the world. _

 

_ Did she even want to? _

 

_ It wasn’t as though Rhaegar would want her to. He knew she could not. And if she were being honest he had enough children already. _

 

_ Would Jaime wish it of her? _

 

_ Did he know she couldn’t bear children anymore? _

 

_ “Elia.” Lyanna’s voice cut through the questions swirling around her mind. She offered the baby to her.  _

 

_ “Hold her.” _

 

_ Elia glanced at Rhaegar and he nodded encouragingly. He had eyes only for Lyanna.  _

 

_ She looked away quickly. She took the child with care, cradling the girl close. _

 

_ She looked nothing like Dany. She had thought the baby would if she were to take after Rhaegar in regards to features, but this little girl had Lyanna in her and it showed. _

 

_ Visenya. _

 

_ Elia watched the infant stir, her eyes shut tight, her pink face wrinkled and blotchy. _

 

_ This should have been her baby girl. _

 

_ Rhaegar’s Visenya. _

 

_ She was the reason Elia’s world had fallen apart. This little thing in her arms, that she could not give him, had been the reason he had looked elsewhere and found Lyanna. Such a tiny thing had caused such catastrophe. _

 

_ And now she was finally here. His precious third dragon. _

 

_ Elia’s grip on Visenya tightened and the baby whined. _

 

_ “Elia?” Rhaegar’s murmur made her look up at him.  _

 

_ He took the child from her. “Isn’t she beautiful?” He asked, but his eyes searched her expression curiously. Even Lyanna seemed to have quieted. _

 

_ Elia nodded quickly and stood. “Yes. Forgive me, I have lingered too long. I’ll leave you both with your daughter. My congratulations once again.” She said, rushing over the words before she turned to the door and left. _

 

She looked to the door now, and as though she had predicted it, a knock sounded and Rhaegar poked his head into the room. He smiled at Elia.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.” He spoke softly, stepping into the room. “How is Visenya?”

 

“She’s well. Difficult to manage. You will need to be around more. Lyanna shouldn’t have to do this on her own.”

 

He nodded. “How is she? She looks tired.” He said, eyes saddening as he reached out to stroke Lyanna’s pale cheek.

 

She stirred, eyes opening. “Elia?” Her voice was thick with sleep.

 

“It’s me, my love.” Rhaegar murmured, kneeling down as Lyanna sat up in the chair.

 

Elia got up from where she had been sitting and stretched, feeling her muscles ache from the position she had been in for so long. She didn’t mind though. Lyanna had needed to rest.

 

“Visenya’s alright.” The Northern girl smiled, “Elia helped me to get her to sleep.”

 

Rhaegar smiled, hand on Lyanna’s knee. He looked up at Elia gratefully. “I promise to be around more.”

 

Lyanna nodded, “Yes, I can’t keep asking Elia to help.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Elia said. “I almost miss it.” She looked over at Visenya’s crib. “And I want to help you.”

 

“You’re too good.” Lyanna smiled sleepily, reaching for her hand.

 

She let her take it and gave it a squeeze. When she let go there was a genuine sadness in Lyanna’s eyes that worried her.

 

She and Rhaegar exchanged a glance before she excused herself and Rhaegar helped Lyanna into bed. 

 

She closed the door gently behind her and turned to find Jaime leaning against the wall.

 

“You were in there a while.” He smiled, “Should I be concerned?”

 

Elia rolled her eyes and set off down the corridor with him walking beside her. “You shouldn’t be so informal when we’re in public.”

 

“Why not?”

 

Elia shot him a look and her stomach flipped at the expression on his face. 

 

He shrugged a shoulder, armour clinking. “I’m certain that people already know.”

 

Was that true? She turned a corner, continuing down a corridor of familiar red stone. 

 

Did she even care if people knew? 

 

“Oh?” Elia raised a brow and came to a stop before her chamber door. “What makes you think that?”

 

Jaime lifted a hand and stroked Elia’s cheek tenderly. “You don’t hide it very well.”

 

Her eyes cast down the corridor, making sure nobody was watching them. Even she surprised herself when she then leaned forward and kissed him quickly.

 

She pulled back and watched Jaime blink, his green eyes alight with mischief. “I knew you would be bold, but that was perhaps too bold.”

 

“Why did you think I’d be bold? Because I’m a queen?” Elia teased.

 

“No. Because you’re Dornish.” Jaime laughed softly. “I’ve heard much about Dornish women, you know.”

 

Elia laughed, “Believe me, they are usually far bolder than I could ever be.”

 

Jaime smiled softly. “How is Lyanna?” He asked, voice lowered in a whisper.

 

She shook her head and his smile faded. “She needs help, but she’s stubborn. And she is not her usual self.” 

 

In truth it saddened Elia more than she had expected it to. Lyanna was always a breath of fresh air and a wonderful friend to sit and converse with. Her smile was enough to lighten Elia’s days in the palace. But since Visenya arrived all that had changed. She could see Rhaegar’s worry and she shared in it. 

 

They had all heard stories of the mental fatigue a newborn can bring its mother. Elia knew just how exhausting it could be physically, but she had escaped the deep melancholy a baby could bring. She worried that Lyanna did not have the same luck.

 

“Perhaps a trip North might help?” He suggested. At Elia’s furrowed brow he continued. “I find that a long trip helps me clear my mind. There’s something about being in a different place that facilitates change.”

 

“Change?”

 

He nodded, “A decision I need to make or turning over a new leaf is always easier when I take a break from my usual routine. A long journey always provides that.”

 

Elia hummed, thinking it over. “I’ll suggest it to Rhaegar. Thank you for thinking of it.”

 

“I worry for Queen Lyanna.” He murmured, “So do many in the Kingsguard.”

 

She nodded solemnly, “So do I.”

 

 

* * *

 

“Where is the North?” Rhaenys asked.

 

Viserys heaved a sigh, the boy exasperated by her incessant questions. He lifted the map he had drawn, a beautiful rendition of the known world. Each kingdom was outlined in dark charcoal and labelled neatly in his looping hand.

 

His small finger jabbed at the topmost kingdom on the map. “There. Aunt Lyanna’s family are wardens over it.” He said.

 

“Wardens?”

 

“They take care of it.”

 

“What does papa take care of?”

 

“Rhaegar takes care of all of it.” Viserys’ purple eyes shifted to his hand-drawn map. His finger circled the entirety of Westeros.

 

“Wow.” Rhaenys said, eyes wide. “So he’s warden of all of it.”

 

Elia stifled a laugh, eyes lifting from her sewing to watch as Viserys’ eyes grew wide in disbelief.

 

“No!” He said, frowning. “Your papa - my brother - is  _ king _ of all of it. How do you not know this?”

 

“Oh.” Rhaenys nodded, turning to Aegon who sat beside her. “It snows in the north, did you know that?”

 

Aegon beamed up at his sister and nodded. “Snows.” He said, his voice quiet and eyes searching. Rhaenys clapped her hands and Aegon copied her, his chubby palms coming together without a sound. He laughed and the sound filled Elia with joy.

 

Elia lay her sewing down, “Viserys, why don’t you check on your sister?”

 

“She’s fine. She’s not crying.”

 

“No, she’s not. But you can bring her over here to play with you all. Rhaenys, even you have to try to include Dany. And Jaehaerys.”

 

Rhaenys’ face twisted into a grimace, but Elia set down her sewing and shook her head. 

 

“I know they are just babies and they are not much fun, but it’s important she grows up with you all. She’s old enough to pick up on things, so she will know you are leaving her out.”

 

That was a lie. 

 

Dany and Jaehaerys were only around a year old and were only just learning how to behave, not yet able to pick up on the nuances of relationships and interactions. But Elia didn’t want them to leave the younger children out.

 

“Do we have to play with Visenya, too?” Rhaenys whined.

 

“No, she’s too young. But when she’s older, yes.” She said firmly, picking up her sewing again.

 

Viserys and Rhaenys got up to collect Dany from the maids next door. Aegon stood up and toddled over to Elia, smiling sweetly all the way. “Ma.” He said, lifting his hands.

 

She picked him up and set him down in her lap. Her fingers ran through his short silver curls.

 

He settled against her, his purple eyes closing. 

 

Now that he was growing older, Elia could see more of her shining through in him. He would always look more like his father, but his skin wasn’t as pale anymore, some of Elia’s golden tan coming through. Even his face had a softness to it that wasn’t entirely Rhaegar.

 

It made her heart warm to know he had some of her in him. That her son was also hers as well as Rhaegar’s. 

 

When they had first married all that had mattered to her was her duty. To give him a Targaryen heir. When she thought of her baby back then it had always been thoughts of a beautiful silver haired, pale skinned, purple eyed prince. And that was what Aegon had been. 

 

But now that she was no longer the woman she used to be, she wanted her children to look like her as well. She was no longer obsessed with having a Targaryen child. She wanted her child. A Martell baby. A Dornish baby. That was what Rhaenys had been and Elia had been ashamed when she was born.

 

Now she couldn’t be happier with her children. They could be both and they should be both. Not one or the other.

 

Viserys and Rhaenys came back holding Dany’s hands, one on either side of her. The little girl was still unstable on her feet, but she insisted on walking around everywhere. 

 

They brought her into the room and Rhaenys sat down beside her, handing her a crayon and going back to her own colouring. 

 

Dany smiled, scribbling the crayon over the paper excitedly while Viserys looked on for a moment with an unreadable expression. Elia watched as he turned back to the map he was currently sketching out.

 

She made a mental note to check in with Viserys about how he was doing. He had become more and more irritable. Elia wondered if it was just because he was growing older and didn’t have many friends his own age. She could understand his frustration with Rhaenys who was in her sixth year while he was in his ninth. 

 

But part of her wondered if he was still grieving his parents. If, perhaps, she had done something wrong in her care of him. 

 

Elia tightened her hold on Aegon imperceptibly. Would Rhaella disapprove?

 

Without knocking, Jaime entered the room. Viserys didn’t look up from his drawing, but Rhaenys and Dany did. The older girl got up and ran to him with a squeal that startled Aegon and made him whine.

 

Jaime laughed, hugging her as she clung to his leg. “Princess, you can’t run at me like that every time you see me.” He laughed. 

 

“Why not?” Rhaenys asked.

 

He smiled, “Because I’m Kingsguard. I’m always looking out for suspicious people and when you run at me you look very suspicious.” He teased.

 

“No!” Rhaenys giggled.

 

“Yes!”

 

Elia shook her head, watching the two of them with amusement. “How does it feel to behave just like a child, Jaime?”

 

He lifted Rhaenys up and the little girl immediately set about playing with his white cape. He sent Elia a wink. “I’m behaving like a princess. A well-behaved, not at all annoying princess.”

 

“Don’t call my daughter annoying.”

 

“I didn’t. I said she was not annoying.” He looked back over his shoulder as Rhaenys tugged on the cape, a mischievous grin on her face.

 

A knock on the door lifted Viserys’ head from his map and he got up and ran to it just as Rhaegar came in.

 

“Ah, Viserys.” Rhaegar smiled, his hand resting on his younger brother’s shoulder. 

 

“Look at what I’m drawing!” Viserys said, tugging Rhaegar over to his map. “I did all of Westeros.”

 

“I can see that.” Rhaegar smiled, looking up at Elia with a smile. “Well done, Viserys.”

 

Elia caught sight of Jaime setting Rhaenys down silently despite the little girl’s protests. 

 

“Your papa is here.” Jaime whispered to her. Rhaenys whined, but Jaime straightened as Rhaegar approached and gave his king his full attention.

 

Rhaegar gave him a polite nod and turned to Rhaenys. “Looks like I’m no longer her favourite.” He joked.

 

Elia met Jaime’s eyes and watched as he stifled a smirk. A shrug of his shoulder told her that he knew he was the favourite of more than one girl in the room. 

 

Elia blushed, to her dismay.

 

“Rhaegar, may I speak with you about something?” Elia spoke up as Rhaenys begrudgingly allowed her father to lift her up. 

 

He nodded and immediately Jaime left the room to return to his station outside.

 

Viserys watched him go silently.

 

Rhaegar leaned down to kiss Dany’s temple as he passed and his little sister smiled, but returned to her colouring enthusiastically.

 

“What did you want to speak about?” Rhaegar asked.

 

“Mama wants to go to North.” Rhaenys said.

 

Viserys piped up. “ _ The _ North!”

 

Rhaegar nodded to his brother, “Yes, the North. But why do you want to go there?” He asked Elia with a frown.

 

“Not for me, but for Lyanna.”

 

“Has she expressed to you a desire to go?”

 

“No.” Elia said, “But Jaime suggested-”

 

Rhaegar chuckled, a bitter sound that Elia had not heard from him before. “Oh, so because your new paramour suggests it I must make it happen, is that correct?”

 

She paused for a moment and appraised him and Rhaegar had the decency to avert his gaze.

 

Elia let out a laugh, short and sharp and building into something uncontrollable. 

 

He was  _ jealous _ . And it was so ridiculous she could not contain her disbelief. She laughed until she annoyed Aegon who frowned at her unhappily. Finally, she settled.

 

“Have you finished?” Rhaegar asked politely, still looking to Rhaenys whose head lay on his shoulder.

 

“I can’t believe you are jealous of Jaime.”

 

“I am not jealous.” He scoffed.

 

“You’re acting like a child.”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

“You are.” Elia insisted.

 

Rhaegar sighed and looked to her again, meeting her wide eyes and bright grin.

 

She snorted, “After what you did, how can you be jealous of me taking a lover?”

 

“I know.” He said. “That’s not what I’m jealous of.” 

 

“Then what?”

 

“His ease with you. He’s got something I never had.”

 

“You didn’t want that what you had anyway.”

 

Rhaegar’s jaw clenched and he watched Elia in silence. Then finally he shifted his feet. “Are you happy?”

 

“I am.”

 

“Then so am I.”

 

“Jaime mentioned the trip North for Lyanna’s sake.”

 

Rhaegar blinked in surprise. “For Lyanna?”

 

“Yes. I think it would be good for her.” Elia said softly, “To be around family.” She continued quickly, “I agree with the idea. When I went back to Dorne I felt more myself.”

 

“She has been different since Visenya was born.”

 

“Visenya?” Rhaenys perked up. “Can I see her again, papa? Please?”

 

Rhaegar laughed and kissed his daughter’s head. “Of course. When she’s not napping.”

 

“She’s always napping!”

 

He smiled, “You were the same at her age.”

 

“Rhaegar.” Elia regained his attention. 

 

He nodded. “Yes, I think it’s a good idea. I’ll ask the maesters to assess her and Visenya first to see if they can make the journey.” He turned, setting Rhaenys down and she wandered back to sit beside Dany and draw.

 

He moved to the door and opened it to leave, his eyes finding what Elia what assumed was Jaime’s face. 

 

Rhaegar looked back at her, “I am truly happy for you, Elia.”

 

Elia tried to revel in it. Her husband’s approval, her lover’s attention, her children around her. But all she could think about was Lyanna. And her worry ate at her for the rest of the day, even when she lay beside Jaime that night.

 

She looked over at him, his form pale in the moonlight but not as pale as Rhaegar’s had been. He was breathing deeply, fast asleep, when Elia got out of bed and wrapped herself in her dressing gown.

 

She shouldn’t leave without warning Jaime. But the risk wasn’t that great and she was willing to take it.

 

Elia left the room silently so as not to wake Jaime. She walked with purpose past the children’s rooms and further through the Red Keep to Lyanna’s chambers.

 

She knocked softly on the door, poking her head in to find the chamber dark, a few candles burning low and overflowing with melting wax.

 

A body was sprawled out in bed, dark hair spilling across a pillow.

 

Rhaegar wasn’t here and Elia was grateful. She didn’t think she could make excuses for her visit if he was here. Lyanna wouldn’t ask questions, but Rhaegar’s eyes would search her and leave her bare.

 

She didn’t really want to wake the girl, so she sat in an armchair by the cold fireplace. Visenya was asleep in her crib and Elia couldn’t help but think the baby should have been moved to a nursery so Lyanna could get some sleep for once.

 

Why was she here?

 

For her own peace of mind? Or for Lyanna?

 

She wasn’t sure.

 

Even she was feeling strange. Jaime was sweet, and attentive, and kind to her. But she could not deny that after the shift in their relationship she was feeling unlike herself. 

 

She felt young and girlish and she hated that feeling. 

 

She didn’t want to be some lovesick girl, kissing her lover in corridors and keeping him a secret. She didn’t want Rhaegar’s jealousy, over what she wasn’t sure, and she didn’t want to feel this way.

 

Did she dislike being in love?

 

Was it because she and Jaime could never marry? Or have children? Was it because she knew that whatever it was between them was temporary?

 

But Jaime was right. A trip North could fix her problem. Wake her up and clear her mind.

 

She looked over at Lyanna and found the girl awake and watching her from where she lay. The dim light from the candle by her bedside reflected in her grey eyes. Elia stiffened in surprise.

 

“Elia.” Lyanna murmured. She lifted a pale hand to rub at her eyes. “Rhaegar told me what you asked him. Thank you.”

 

“It wasn’t my idea. It was Jaime’s.”

 

“Then please thank him for me.” Lyanna said. “How are things with him?”

 

Elia paused, “Good.”

 

Lyanna nodded, looking to Visenya’s crib. “She’s asleep, you don’t have to be here. You should be sleeping.”

 

“I could say the same to you.” Elia got up to move to her bedside.

 

Lyanna lay back when she neared her and smiled up at her. “Remember how you hated me?”

 

Elia paused, taken aback. “Why are you thinking about that?” She sat on the edge of the bed, frowning.

 

“I just never thought you would be sneaking into my chambers in the middle of the night like this.” 

 

Elia laughed sheepishly and Lyanna continued, “I never thought you would ever like me.”

 

She let out a sigh and took Lyanna’s hand. Her skin was cold. “I do like you. If you don’t mind, I’ll stay here tonight. We’re all worried about you.”

 

“I know.” Lyanna sighed, her grey eyes finding Visenya’s crib again. “You can stay. I would like that.”

 

Elia nodded and watched as Lyanna shifted over in the bed to make room for her. Elia got under the covers and lay back, her eyes roving over the floral carvings on the canopy of the bed.

 

Lyanna’s hand found hers under the covers and Elia - involuntarily - let out a sigh. The last candle died a moment later, leaving them both in darkness penetrated only by slivers of cold moonlight.

 

A strange tension came over her. She closed her eyes to try to rest, but her body was aware of the one lying beside her. 

 

She listened to the silence, the twin breaths of Lyanna and Visenya the only sounds she could make out. She heard the clink of armour outside the doors. A Kingsguard returning to his post. 

 

She turned her head on the pillow and could make out Lyanna’s pale face beside her. Her brown hair was a shadow across the sheets and her face was more peaceful than Elia had ever seen it. 

 

Elia wondered if she looked that way when she slept. She wondered what Rhaegar thought when he sees Lyanna like this. Maybe he was used to the sight?

 

A pang of jealousy made her pause. But it wasn’t jealousy for Lyanna.

 

Elia turned back to look at the canopy. She felt Lyanna’s hand in her own slacken.

 

She was jealous of Rhaegar. 

 

She brushed the thoughts aside, sliding her hand away from Lyanna’s and curling onto her side. Elia fell asleep quickly, lulled into her dreams by the rhythmic breathing beside her.


	9. Yearning

“She’s ugly.” 

 

“Viserys!” Elia blinked in shock. “You can’t say that.” She leaned in and hissed in his ear.

 

The little boy looked up, his face confused. “Why? She is!”

 

Lyanna laughed, the baby in her arms stirring. 

 

Elia glanced at Visenya. Maybe Viserys had a point, but he couldn’t say such things. 

 

She took Viserys’ arm, bending down to his ear. “That’s rude to say.” She said. “Visenya is Lyanna’s new baby and she will look funny for a little while until she gets older, but that’s not the sort of thing you say out loud. Especially when Lyanna is here. Now, say sorry.”

 

Viserys opened his mouth to protest, but Rhaegar cleared his throat and the little boy glanced up at his brother. 

 

With a grumble, he apologised. 

 

Lyanna smiled, “That’s alright. I forgive you.”

 

Rhaenys peered over Lyanna’s shoulder, standing on a chair behind her. “She doesn’t look like Jaehaerys.” She said, looking up to find the black-haired toddler babbling at Dany across the room.

 

Aegon was in his father’s arms, peering down curiously. 

 

“Visenya might look more like Jaehaerys when she gets bigger.” Lyanna smiled.

 

Elia watched her. She had improved a little in the last few days as they had been preparing to leave for Winterfell. A raven from Eddard Stark had returned an hour ago to inform them that they were always welcome.

 

Viserys was beyond excited, being the only child old enough to understand what they were travelling to. 

 

Elia hadn’t been North, and if she were honest, she had never felt the need to visit. She came from the deserts of Dorne. A place like Winterfell would never feel natural to her.

 

But seeing Lyanna so brightened by the idea of returning home made it worth it in Elia’s eyes. She and Jaime would be out of place, but they could be out of place together.

 

She smiled to Lyanna warmly, and the woman returned the smile. Her cheeks were rosier than usual and Elia hoped it was a sign of her improving health.

 

Jaehaerys waddled over to his father, looking up with a babble. Aegon watched him silently, the little boy’s face so serious. Elia wondered if it was a Targaryen trait. Would Aegon grow up to be as melancholic as Viserys and Rhaegar?

 

Rhaegar ruffled Jaehaerys’ dark hair, but the baby was staring at her and not his father.

 

“Hello.” Elia smiled and lifted her hand in a wave.

 

Jaehaerys smiled tentatively, hiding his face behind Rhaegar’s leg. He peered at Elia shyly and then glanced at his mother as if for permission.

 

Lyanna nodded encouragingly and Jaehaerys almost immediately waddled to Elia’s side. He held to her skirts, little pale hands gripping the cloth and running over the embroidery.

 

Elia smiled, tucking his dark hair behind his ear. “Such a sweet boy.”

 

“Your boys love you, don’t they?” Rhaegar laughed.

 

She blushed, exchanging a look with Lyanna. The Northern girl grinned, “Your boys.” She repeated, her voice full of amusement and her eyes flicking to Rhaegar’s face.

 

Elia wasn’t sure what she was implying. “I’m very lucky.” She murmured.

 

“It’s not luck.” Lyanna smiled, “You’re very charming.”

 

“Charming?”

 

Rhaegar nodded, “Charming.”

 

Elia threw back her head and laughed, startling Dany where she sat a few feet away. The baby blinked once and then returned to her toys.

 

“Nobody has ever called me charming.” She said.

 

“Your boys think you’re charming.” Lyanna said, a hint of something teasing in her tone. Elia almost breathed a sigh of relief. Lyanna was back to normal if she was back to teasing her.

 

“Not just my boys, it seems.” Elia couldn’t help but tease back.

 

An expression she couldn’t quite place crossed Lyanna’s face for a moment. Elia brushed it aside, but as she left Lyanna’s chambers later on - Jaime by her side as usual - she wondered if she didn’t have Lyanna entirely figured out as she had previously thought.

 

* * *

 

The journey was almost too much for Elia. She didn’t tell anyone how her body ached from sitting for so long in the carriage. How the children’s cries almost drove her mad at one point as they travelled along the King’s Road. Even Jaime went oblivious to Elia’s discomfort and irritability.

 

Lyanna seemed to see it but, thankfully, she said nothing. Rhaegar made the mistake of asking her about her mood and received a verbal tirade in response. Elia knew he had learned his lesson after that.

 

She hoped the terrible journey wasn’t a warning about how the trip would go once they reached Winterfell.

 

Lyanna spoke highly of her home as they neared Winterfell and the children were enraptured. Viserys in particular had taken to jotting down notes and sketching the sea of pale grass and ashen trees as they journeyed further north.

 

“Look!” Viserys gasped, scrambling to the window of the carriage. He pointed at the turret in the distance, the first glimpse of Winterfell with its grey stone walls rising up behind a hill.

 

The children pressed their faces to the window, far too many bony elbows and knees pressing into Elia’s thighs and ribs. 

 

Lyanna shot her a sympathetic look from her seat opposite her. She reached forward and placed her hand on Elia’s knee, squeezing comfortingly.

 

Elia offered her a small smile in return.

 

She turned to the window to take her first look at Winterfell.

 

It looked miserable. The stone was as dull and unwelcoming as the few Northerners she had met during her life. The castle seemed to be crying out with each inch they crept towards the giant gate: ‘Foreigners will find no comfort here, Winterfell is for the Northmen alone.’

 

Elia glanced at Lyanna out of the corner of her eye.

 

How could someone so lovely grow up in such a place?

 

Lyanna caught her looking and smirked.

 

“Who should we expect to see when we arrive?” Elia asked her.

 

“My brothers, Eddard and Benjen. Eddard’s wife, Catelyn Tully. And she will have with her my nephew and niece, Robb and Sansa.”

 

“How old are they?”

 

“Robb is three years, and Sansa has only just been born.” Lyanna smiled, and it held a note of genuine joy. 

 

Elia felt relief at the sight. “You must be very excited to see her.” 

 

“I am. We need another girl in the family.” She laughed.

 

Rhaegar chuckled, catching both women’s attention. “You bring with you another girl to add to the family as well.”

 

Elia smiled and wrapped an arm around Rhaenys’ waist to steady her as the carriage rocked over unsmooth ground.

 

She almost forgot sometimes that they were the only family Rhaegar had. 

 

Both she and Lyanna had their own families. Brothers waiting for them across the realm. With their own children and their own lives.

 

All the family Rhaegar had in this world was sitting in this carriage.

 

Would this be enough for her too?

 

She thought of Oberyn and chewed her lower lip in thought. A small hand on her arm brought her back to the present. 

 

Jaehaerys was seated next to her, the toddler blinking up at her with grey eyes. He smiled and held to her arm, content to just sit beside her.

 

He kept her attention as they rolled into Winterfell. Reminding her that, yes, this was enough.

 

* * *

 

She did not like Catelyn Tully. But she could respect her, albeit begrudgingly. 

 

She made polite conversation, she complimented her young children. They were fine children, and Elia could see the beauty in them both already. 

 

Catelyn Tully barely smiled, and when she did it screamed of disingenuity. Catelyn did not care about Elia. She cared more about Lyanna and what her good-sister thought of her. 

 

She reeked of desperation, a new bride who wanted to fit into her husband’s family. Elia knew she would dislike that more than most. Hadn’t she been the same? The same desperate bride, wanting to be both liked and respected? Mistaking rudeness and coldness for strength and power and believing that would then earn her love?

 

But Elia knew that perhaps she didn’t understand. Perhaps here in Winterfell to be cold was to be strong.

 

She was seated beside the Tully-turned-Stark at the feast. Catelyn smiled that strained smile at the small talk Elia made. The same smile she had greeted her with earlier that morning when they had disembarked from the carriage and been introduced. 

 

Robb and Rhaenys had taken to one another surprisingly well. Viserys stewed with envy, his one playmate stolen away by the Stark prince. They ran about together between the long wooden tables stretching the length of the hall. Rhaenys was fast, but Robb was faster and she seemed to like the challenge of catching him.

 

Aegon had given up chasing them and was now seated in Elia’s lap, tired out and dozing. Sansa lay in Catelyn’s lap, the baby girl still too young to walk properly. 

 

Lyanna was a force the whole hall could feel. Like a strong breeze she had blown into the hall and left everyone in a daze. Elia was aware of her presence on Rhaegar’s other side. Her laugh was like a peal of bells, her face shone like moonlight.

 

Visenya lay in Eddard’s arms, the Northern lord holding her expertly as he and his sister conversed.

 

“Your husband must be very pleased.” Elia said to Catelyn. “Your firstborn was a son. And now you bring him a beautiful girl.”

 

It was empty words. She could not care less. A thousand women had been lucky enough that their firstborn be a boy. Catelyn was not special.

 

Catelyn was peering around Elia and Rhaegar, trying to see Lyanna where she sat. 

 

Elia bit back a smirk as the woman turned her eyes on Elia, her disinterest shining in them. “I believe he is, my queen. I thank you for your compliment.”

 

Elia nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Catelyn spoke first. 

 

“I must confess, I never could understand your husband. You managed to give him a son. Yet his eye wandered nonetheless.”

 

Elia tensed involuntarily. She adjusted her grip on Aegon, trying to buy herself time to figure out how to respond. Anger burned in her chest and she knew it was obvious in her eyes as she met Catelyn’s gaze.

 

She had only  _ managed _ the task of birthing a boy, whereas Catelyn had done it easily. 

 

Her husband’s eye had wandered regardless. Meaning Elia was what had displeased him, not the children she had borne him.

 

The woman had not yet learned. Catelyn didn’t pick her battles, but fought them all. Even though Elia wasn’t an enemy, she was ready to make her into one if it could prove she was a warrior.

 

Elia steadied herself, levelling Catelyn with a stare. “Perhaps the fault lies not with me. Perhaps it lies with my husband.”

 

Catelyn seemed taken aback at Elia’s reply. 

 

“And Queen Lyanna is a rare beauty, I can understand Rhaegar’s decision.” Elia did not pause to think of her jealousy of Rhaegar that had only worsened since they had arrived in Winterfell. She continued, “Not only that, but Lyanna has become a dear friend to me.” Elia smiled and didn’t let it reach her eyes. 

 

She spoke, and what was hidden in her words she knew Catelyn would hear. 

 

“I know Lyanna well.” 

 

_ Better than you.  _

 

“I have her confidence.” 

 

_ You do not. _

 

“I know she is truly a strong woman. In every sense of the word.”

 

_ And you are not. _

 

Catelyn paused, the silence between them stretched on until Lady Stark nodded. She murmured some apology or another, but Elia could not hear over her heartbeat in her ears.

 

She stood - orange gown the colour of the sand of her home - swirled around her and she walked away without excusing herself.

 

Elia had no patience for such a woman. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

“Pay her no mind, she’s only a Tully.” 

 

Jaime’s arrogance was a comfort she accepted with open arms. He was normality, and they both stood out in Winterfell. He, because he was a Lannister with an open dislike for the Lord Stark. And she, because she was Dornish. And perhaps because she was Rhaegar’s other queen.

 

Despite the three of them having come to a comfortable agreement between themselves, Elia was not foolish enough to believe that everyone in Winterfell agreed with her decision to stay in King’s Landing and remain Rhaegar’s wife.

 

She knew, logically, that it was none of their business. That if they should judge anyone it should be Lyanna. And Elia knew some of them would be judging Lyanna. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel that she was just as judged.

 

Catelyn Stark had made that clear.

 

“Don’t be disrespectful, Jaime.”

 

“She disrespected you. It’s only what she deserves.”

 

Elia pulled her furs tighter around herself and glanced around the courtyard. The air had taken on a terrible chill. Her cheeks and nose had tightened and felt strange and she kept rubbing at them to bring back the warmth in her skin.

 

Jaime watched her and brazenly took her hand in his. 

 

Elia looked around, but the courtyard looked deserted. 

 

“Don’t let her get to you. None of what happened was your fault.”

 

She smiled, squeezing his hand gently and he returned her smile, his face soft with his affection.

 

Elia wanted to kiss him. She imagined tugging him forward by his golden breastplate, her fingers in his golden hair, his lips parting beneath hers.

 

She sighed, her eyes looking up at the night sky and taking in the stars. She caught sight of Rhaegar and Arthur, standing together in the window of an upper room overlooking the courtyard. 

 

They were faced away from the window, the warm orange of the candlelight in the room lit up the edge of their faces.

 

Jaime followed her gaze and scoffed a laugh. “Those two will be feeling out of place as well.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Arthur is Dornish.”

 

Elia hummed in agreement, “Yes, but he doesn’t really act like it. Arthur doesn’t have a home anymore. He’s at home when he is at Rhaegar’s side.”

 

Jaime grinned, “Or standing outside his door.”

 

She smiled.

 

“Rhaegar will be feeling out of place.”

 

“No, he’s king. He’d feel like that anywhere. He’s probably used to it by now.” 

 

Jaime ran a hand through his hair, Elia’s eyes followed the motion. “I should go to bed.” She said.

 

Jaime’s face split into a grin and he followed her inside and up to her chambers, closing the door firmly behind him.

 

* * *

 

Lyanna wore a yellow gown, bright as the sun. Elia couldn’t keep her eyes off of her as she entered Rhaegar’s chambers where breakfast was served for them all.

 

She walked in and sat down without preamble. “Good morning.” She greeted.

 

Rhaegar and Elia exchanged a look. 

 

She could see his relief plain as day on his face. Lyanna seemed much better now that she was back in Winterfell, and around her brothers.

 

“How was your evening?” Lyanna asked her, serving herself food and meeting Elia’s eyes across the table.

 

Elia thought back on her evening and cleared her throat. Jaime and she had gotten closer than ever last night, not just physically. The atmosphere in Winterfell had made them feel like they only had one another and it had shone through in their coupling. She had fallen asleep in his arms, listening to his heartbeat.

 

But Elia couldn’t talk about that. And there was something else she wanted to tell Lyanna. “I had an interesting talk with Catelyn.”

 

Rhaegar’s eyes widened imperceptibly and he shot her a look, which Elia ignored. 

 

He had obviously heard the conversation with Catelyn.

 

Lyanna smiled, none the wiser, “Oh? How is she? I barely know her.” She said sheepishly, glancing down at her plate as she cut a sausage.

 

“She definitely would like to get to know you. I think she feels a little outcast.”

 

Lyanna frowned, “I hope I didn’t make her feel that way.”

 

Rhaegar shook his head, “I don’t think you have. Perhaps your arrival has only worsened feelings she already had?”

 

Lyanna nodded, “I can talk to her today and put her at ease.” She said.

 

“She was rude to me.” Elia said, almost rushing to get the words out. Rhaegar had been about to steer the conversation in another direction.

 

They both looked at her, but Elia focused on Lyanna’s expression. 

 

Why did she care what Lyanna thought? Why did she want her sympathy?

 

Lyanna frowned, “How was she rude?” She asked.

 

“She said I struggled to give Rhaegar a son and said that even though I had managed to Rhaegar still left to find another wife. She made it seem like it was my fault. Like she was better than me.”

 

Rhaegar pinched the bridge of his nose, a new gesture that Elia hadn’t seen him make before. He spoke, “I heard the conversation and Catelyn was being rude.” He nodded, “But it’s hardly noteworthy. Ladies of the greater houses in the realm always play such games.”

 

“Not here.” Lyanna stood up from the table, the beautiful yellow gown a contrast with her stony expression. “I’m going to speak to her.”

 

Elia kept quiet. 

 

Serves Lady Stark right.

 

Rhaegar turned to Elia once Lyanna had left the room, “Why are you stirring up problems?”

 

“Me?” She blinked. He had never spoken to her like this before. His face was disapproving, like she was his daughter and not his wife.

 

“Yes. You could have let it go.”

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

He paused, only just seeming to realise who he was speaking to.

 

Elia leapt at the hesitation, flashing her anger - always beneath the surface and easy to reach. “I’m not your maidservant or Kingsguard for you to talk to me like that.” She braced her hands on the arms of her chair, preparing to stand. “I’m your queen. And what a nightmare I have had to live through to be it.”

 

Rhaegar remained quiet.

 

She strode to the door in silence and let it slam behind her.

 

* * *

 

She and Jaime were exploring. His presence was soothing after the tension at breakfast that morning. And Elia was still fuming with Rhaegar. 

 

Who did he think he was?

 

She shook herself and paid closer attention to where she walked as they took a few icy steps down towards the training field.

 

Jaime took her hand to help her down, her shoes not made for the slippery surface. His touch lingered on her hand a moment longer than needed.

 

Elia offered him a smile. “Will you train with the Northmen while we are here?”

 

He scoffed and it was enough of an answer.

 

She bit back a laugh. “They aren’t so bad, you know.”

 

“They are with me. I will never find comfort here. I’m a Lannister.” He shrugged.

 

“Do you think your sister and father would find the same disdain here? Or your younger brother?”

 

Jaime tensed, as he always did when Elia mentioned his family. Eventually he shook his head, “I’m not sure. They hate us all, but they do hate us in different ways. I feel that Tyrion has not done anything to offend them yet.”

 

“Your sister will be especially despised.”

 

“Why?” Jaime snapped, not angrily, but as though Elia had no right to mention his sister.

 

Elia shrugged, “Because she’s a woman.”

 

He seemed placated by that answer, but Elia eyed him curiously. Why did he become so defensive? 

 

Why was it only when she mentioned Cersei?

 

The crash of steel on steel caught their attention as they neared the training ground. The grass was slick with ice and water, caused by heavy rain the night before. 

 

Elia had barely heard the rain when she was in bed with Jaime last night. She had been too distracted.

 

Lyanna no longer wore her yellow gown, but her long chestnut braid gave her identity away. She twirled and the braid swung behind her. Her sword came up to push her sparring partner away. 

 

Elia watched with a smile. She could recognise Lyanna’s style now, having watched her many times. She always admired the way she moved. She and Rhaegar had a grace about them that had once made her jealous. She never saw herself that way, though Jaime had told her often that she had her own sort of grace. 

 

Lyanna seemed to notice their presence because she glanced up at them and lifted a hand to stop her partner from attacking. The man bowed and turned away as Lyanna started up the small slope to reach them.

 

Elia found herself adjusting her furs and Jaime caught her tucking her hair behind her ear. He gave her a questioning glance which she ignored.

 

“Elia.” Lyanna smiled, her grey eyes bright with the exertion she had just partook in. “Jaime.” She greeted him, but her gaze passed over him to find Elia again. “Can we talk?” She asked.

 

Elia nodded, turning to walk beside Lyanna along the pale green grass. 

 

The Northern girl - for that was what she was out here - turned to Elia. “I spoke to Catelyn. She’s an interesting woman. But she admitted she was rude last night and she said she regrets how she spoke to you. I think she’s a little nervous.” Lyanna smiled an equally nervous smile.

 

Elia wondered why Lyanna was nervous. She knew why Catelyn was. “I’m not going to hold a grudge.” She explained, thinking that was what made Lyanna anxious. “I only wish I could have sorted this out myself, without you having to defend me.” She sighed, “I feel like a girl.”

 

Lyanna shook her head, “No, what you did was right. Catelyn didn’t have any respect for you before last night. Despite that, she still values what I think of her above what you think.”

 

Elia nodded, eager to change the subject. “How was she with you? Do you think you will get along with her?”

 

Lyanna nodded, her bright smile returning. “I do. I’m glad. She seems to love Ned. Truly.” She met Elia’s eyes. 

 

Elia wondered how those same eyes could look like stone in Ned Stark’s head and like molten silver in Lyanna’s. How soft her gaze was. How happy she was out here.

 

“I like seeing you happy.” Elia said. 

 

She was aware of Jaime following behind them. He was Kingsguard again. Not her lover any longer. That was not his role right now.

 

“I want to see you happy always.” Elia murmured.

 

Lyanna leaned in, as if to embrace her before she seemed to change her mind and pulled back again. “Thank you. And thank you, Jaime.” She turned to the Kingsguard.

 

He bowed. 

 

“It was your idea to come here. So, thank you.” Lyanna smiled.

 

The three of them parted ways, Lyanna back to her sparring and Elia and Jaime back into the walls of Winterfell. 

 

Elia glanced back as they approached the icy steps. She caught sight of Lyanna’s braid flying through the air, her sword swung high in a silver arc, before she turned to the steps with a small smile and ascended them.

 

* * *

 

The young Stark boy, Robb, was in her chambers. He had demanded to see his new friends and had been escorted in the afternoon to Elia’s rooms to play.

 

He and Rhaenys got along well, but he seemed to have a fascination with Aegon and Jaehaerys. The older boy would watch the younger ones curiously, until Rhaenys tugged at his arm and regained his attention.

 

Eventually, Elia’s daughter grew impatient. 

 

“Why do you keep looking at them? They’re just babies!”

 

Robb blinked, the blue Tully eyes bright and alert. “I want a little brother. You’re lucky you have two.”

 

“You have a baby sister, though. I have one too!” Rhaenys beamed with pride, “Visenya. She’s going to be my best friend. And Dany, too.”

 

Robb shrugged a shoulder, a gesture that surprised Elia. 

 

Children always surprised her. She always expected them to be too young to behave the way they did. Sometimes they acted just like adults - in their expressions or gestures or the way they spoke - and it would always take her aback. They were always watching and learning. It was a terrifying thought.

 

Robb didn’t explain himself to Rhaenys and went back to playing with her, but Elia caught him glancing at the two boys often.

 

A knock on the door a while later announced Catelyn’s arrival. She entered the room with the confidence of a woman who knew this was her home, and Elia was only a guest. She nodded to Elia politely, and Elia returned the acknowledgement without rising from her chair.

 

The Lady Stark set about collecting Robb and Elia turned back to her stitching. 

 

“Queen Elia.” Catelyn spoke, gaining her attention.

 

The woman was easy to read. Her face an open book, but Elia could see she was still learning. Soon, Elia was sure, she would be closed off to all but her husband. 

 

“I want to apologise for last night-”

 

“It is nothing, Catelyn.”

 

The Tully smiled, grateful for the use of her first name.

 

“Still, I hope we can move past my rudeness. I do wish to be friends with you and Lyanna.”

 

Elia looked at her properly. Robb had her features, the auburn hair and blue eyes. She was beautiful, cold as stone, but when Catelyn looked at her son and daughter Elia saw real warmth. 

 

Family, Duty, Honour. The Tully words. 

 

Elia thought they were good words to live by. And she knew this woman in front of her chose to live by them.

 

“We are family.” Elia smiled, “In a way.” She laughed, and Catelyn smiled again. “Lyanna is like a sister to you, and she is like a sister to me.” Elia didn’t really believe what she was saying, but she knew it was the right approach. She stood and moved to Catelyn.

 

Catelyn nodded, “That makes us sisters, I suppose.”

 

Elia smiled, “I never had a sister growing up.”

 

“I did.”

 

“Lysa?”

 

Catelyn nodded. “She will always be my sister. But she isn’t here. I feel,” She hesitated, meeting Elia’s eyes. The word she wished to say but couldn’t bring herself to speak aloud seemed to float in the air between them. 

 

It whispered itself in her ear.

 

_ Alone.  _

 

Catelyn felt alone here in Winterfell. Hadn’t Elia been the same? In King’s Landing without her brothers or mother. With only Rhaegar for family.

 

“Lyanna and I are only visiting.” Elia explained, “But you don’t need us. You have two children, and a husband who is honourable and kind. You’re a Stark. Yes, your children have your Tully colouring, but being Tully is part of who they are. Who they will always be.”

 

Elia looked to Rhaenys behind her, and Catelyn followed her gaze. 

 

“You’re a Stark.” Elia nodded, lifting a hand to take Catelyn’s in her own. “Show them with what you do. Not what you say. No matter how often you claim it, they will never believe you until you show it to them.”

 

Catelyn paused, and then a soft smile pulled at her lips. “I severely underestimated you, Elia.”

 

“Many do. Even my mother and brothers. But I showed them otherwise.” She said.

 

Catelyn turned to leave, a woman without preamble who could sense the conversation had ended. She paused at the door, Robb tugged at her hand to get them to go.

 

“We should spend more time with one another before you leave.” Catelyn said.

 

Elia nodded, “Of course. I would enjoy that.”

 

She watched the other woman leave with her son. She found herself looking forward to spending time with Catelyn. Surprisingly, her agreeing to see Catelyn more often was not just a pretence.

 

They had come to Winterfell for Lyanna. But Elia wondered if it the trip held something for all of them as well.


	10. Depression

Eddard Stark loved children. It didn’t really surprise Elia. She had guessed as much and so when he paid close attention to the children at dinner that evening it came as no shock to her. Still, Elia found it interesting how his demeanour changed. How easily he taught lessons to them.

 

He was always meant to be a Lord.

 

Did that mean his elder brother was always meant to die?

 

Elia wouldn’t let herself think about things like that. What was the point?

 

It was a more intimate affair for dinner that night. They dined in a spare room with Lyanna’s brothers and Catelyn. Cat was seated beside Elia again, and though Elia was still wary of the woman she had a newfound respect for her.

 

“Jaehaerys.” Eddard looked down at the little boy in his arms, his hard face softened into a smile. “He has our colouring, doesn’t he?” Eddard said with pride.

 

Elia glanced at Rhaegar, but her husband only smiled.

 

“Seems all our firstborns take after their mothers.” Cat said.

 

Elia thought of Rhaenys and Robb and laughed. She glanced at Lyanna and found the girl smiling. It was a relief. She knew how sensitive Lyanna was about it. 

 

“Living down South will mean he will grow up different. You already have more colour to you.” Eddard nodded to Lyanna.

 

Elia had only seen Lyanna once while she was still living in Winterfell. It had been a glimpse of her at Harrenhal when Rhaegar had crowned her Queen of Love and Beauty. Elia could barely look at her beautiful face back then, she had been too embarrassed, fuming, and desperately trying to hold back tears. She didn’t let them all see how it hurt her. Looking back on it, she could barely remember what had happened, just flashes of memory that came to her like the glimpse of words as you flip a book.

 

Lyanna nodded, “That would be thanks to our time in Dorne.” She smiled, meeting Elia’s eyes across the table.

 

“How is Dorne?” Cat asked.

 

“Beautiful. Really, very beautiful.” Lyanna said softly, and met Elia’s eyes again.

 

Rhaegar spoke then, telling the Lord and Lady Stark about their trip to Dorne. Elia would usually have had something to say, since they spoke of her home, but she was busy watching Lyanna. She was aware how often she did this. She used to do it with Rhaegar, to make sure she was behaving the way he was. But with Lyanna it wasn’t for that reason. At least she didn’t think it was.

 

Something was different about Lyanna. And it wasn’t just her confidence what with being back in Winterfell, in her home. Elia couldn’t put her finger on it.

 

They adjourned early that evening, putting their young children to bed. Jaime joined her in her chambers and they spoke about the dinner, but Elia soon grew tired of that topic.

 

They lay beside one another, she was dressed in her shift and he was in his armour still.

 

“Isn’t that uncomfortable?” Elia asked.

 

He had his eyes closed, his arms crossed beneath his head. “Yes. But unless we’re about to make love I would prefer to keep it on. Just in case someone were to come looking for me.” 

 

He opened his eyes to glance at her.

 

Elia watched him, lying on her side. “If you keep teasing me I’m going to send you away before any of that lovemaking has a chance to occur.”

 

Jaime laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up pleasantly.

 

There was something on her mind. Something she had thought about even when she had first realised her feelings for the Lannister. 

 

“Do you ever think about how much older I am?”

 

“Than who?”

 

“You.” She replied.

 

Jaime’s smile faded. He turned his head to watch her. “No.” He said, shaking his head. “Do you?”

 

Before she could reply, he propped himself up on an elbow so he looked down at her. “You obviously have thought about it if you’re asking me this.” He said.

 

Elia shrugged a shoulder. “It doesn’t bother me. I was only wondering if it bothered you.”

 

“It doesn’t, Elia.” Jaime leaned over her, his armour clinking softly. 

 

He was so bright it made her eyes hurt. Glowing and golden. She could see why Tywin was so proud of him. Jaime was the perfect heir. 

 

He leaned down and kissed her. “You’re beautiful.”

 

“That’s not why I mentioned my age.” She snorted.

 

Jaime smirked, but a crease appeared between his brows. “Why then?”

 

“Don’t you want to be with women your own age? I don’t want you to feel like I’m holding you back. You’re a Lannister in your prime. Where you are in your life is not where I am in mine.”

 

“You think I have never been with a woman my age?”

 

Elia blinked. She had almost forgotten. He may be younger than she, but he was a man. He was allowed to have partners outside marriage, to have relations with other women who he never intended to marry. And he probably had those relations even before he came to the capital.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’ve been with women my age, Elia.” He said, sitting back on the bed.

 

“Of course. Back in Casterly Rock.”

 

He nodded absently. “Yes. One such lady there. Though she was a little older than me still.” He murmured.

 

He got that look in his eye again, and Elia sent him away a moment after. She knew she would be getting nothing from him when _she_ was on his mind.

 

* * *

 

Rhaegar hadn’t apologised for what he had said to her, but Elia knew he was sorry. He hated it when she was angry with him, and he did his best to make her happy in lieu of an apology.

 

He brought her flowers the next morning, and even though Elia rolled her eyes at the bouquet of wildflowers, the gift touched her.

 

They walked together towards the stables with Rhaegar trying to shake Viserys from his side. The little boy had taken to following Rhaegar around. He was old enough to feel uncomfortable here in Winterfell, a place he knew neither he nor his brother belonged in.

 

The morning was chilly, but the pale sunlight warmed her just a little where it peeked through grey clouds. Eddard had invited Rhaegar on a hunt that morning due to the fine weather. 

 

Elia could barely believe they considered _this_ fine weather.

 

“Viserys. Here,” Rhaegar leaned down, holding his forearm out to his younger brother. “Will you help me buckle my vambrace?” 

 

Elia looked down at them both, two silver heads bent together as Rhaegar talked Viserys through the motions of buckling the leather vambrace. 

 

She could imagine Aegon doing this, with Jaehaerys by his side as he always would be. The two of them brothers, almost like twins, following one another wherever they went. Jaehaerys would look up to his older brother, but once they grew into young men they would find their own interests, separate from the other. And they would no longer need her, either. Nor Lyanna.

 

She could feel Lyanna’s eyes on her as the three of them approached the stables. It was busy out front, the horses being readied for the ride and the men coming and going with saddles in arm, or quivers of arrows. Elia saw her immediately. Lyanna was seated atop her horse, waiting patiently as her brother saw to the hunting party supplies. She smiled to Elia and Elia returned the smile.

 

“I’m sorry to leave.” Rhaegar said from beside her, gaining her attention. He smiled sheepishly and glanced at Viserys beside him who was busy sketching a nearby horse, his tongue poking out in concentration. 

 

Elia chuckled, “I’m used to his foul mood.” She whispered, “He will be over this obsession with you soon enough. I remember when I was the same with Doran for a time.”

 

“Doran? Not Oberyn?”

 

“No, Oberyn is younger than me.”

 

Rhaegar nodded, “Of course. I always forget. You two are inseparable.”

 

Elia watched him approach Eddard, the Northern lord showing the king to his mount for the day.

 

Inseparable, he had said. Oberyn was always with her, in her heart, in her head - giving her terrible advice - and that was the way Rhaegar saw her.

 

But she didn’t see Rhaegar alongside Viserys or Dany. Perhaps because of his age, or because he was king, he was always alone when she thought of him. A solitary figure with people in his life creating a nice even line either side of him. Elia and Lyanna. His two children with them both. His two siblings. His wives and their two brothers.

 

In the beginning, she used to picture him and Lyanna together. He was not separate from her. But now that she knew Lyanna, she had taken on her own form. And Rhaegar was alone again in her head.

 

She watched him mount his horse, pass a remark on the temperament of the creature, and then turn to Eddard as the two of them rode ahead of the group. He nodded to Elia as he passed, and offered her a smile as a way of saying goodbye.

 

Elia turned to go, but Viserys tugged at her hand.

 

“I want to watch them all go.” He said.

 

She nodded as the boy let his sketchbook fall open, the charcoal skimming over the paper in bursts to create the likeness of a horse and rider.

 

“I wish you were coming with us.”

 

Lyanna’s voice pulled Elia’s gaze from the sketchbook and to the Northern girl’s pale face. She sat astride her horse, her hair in the long braid Elia had grown accustomed to seeing during their stay in Winterfell.

 

“Why would you wish that? I would be of no use to you on a hunt.”

 

“No, perhaps not.” Lyanna laughed, “But your company will be missed.”

 

“Rhaegar won’t pay heed to my absence.”

 

“I will.” Lyanna frowned, a gentle pull at her brows. She sighed, her hands adjusting her grip on the reins. “When will you realise, Elia, that I think of you more often than any of them do?”

 

Elia could only stare at the woman before her.

 

Lyanna shook her head with a sad smile. “Cat has promised to entertain you while we are gone.” She said. “I made sure she does.”

 

“You don’t have to do that for me.”

 

Lyanna nodded, “Oh, I know. I wanted to.” She smiled and bid Elia and Viserys goodbye.

 

She watched her ride out of the gates, her horse the last to leave, and with a tug on Viserys’ hand the two of them returned to the castle.

 

* * *

 

_Any of them?_

 

Elia couldn’t just stay indoors and sew after she heard what Lyanna said. She needed to get out of her chambers for a while and think it over. She wondered if she had understood her correctly.

 

Jaime wasn’t with her on her walk through the castle and out to the grounds. He had left earlier with the children and taken them to see the sparring, mostly to let them run around and tire themselves out.

 

The hem of her gown was stained with mud, but she didn’t mind. She relished each sinking step in the earth and the pull of it on her shoe as she moved forward. It made her feel like she was going somewhere, even if her mind had drawn a blank and she was only wandering.

 

Rhaegar was one of the ‘them’ Lyanna spoke of. But Elia already knew how little he cared for her. She didn’t hold it against him, because she never expected it of him. He had tried in the beginning to be everything she wanted, but it never came naturally to him. He had his own mind to deal with, his own thoughts to wrangle. And now he was a king, and she was not his only wife, so how could she expect such attention from him?

 

But who else did Lyanna talk about?

 

Arthur? She thought she had put an end to that romance long ago. But perhaps Lyanna didn’t know about that?

 

She could mean Jaime. 

 

But what did she know about their relationship? About him and how he was with her? How could she know anything?

 

Elia noticed she was no longer stepping in mud but on pale grass, long and unkempt. She looked up and stopped in her tracks. The grove of pale trees stretched out ahead of her, their crimson leaves the only colour she had yet seen in this bleached place.

 

She stepped forward into the godswood and then hesitated. This was a place of worship for gods that were not her own. A part of her wanted to kneel by the base of one of those trees, with their strange faces, and entreat the Old Gods for a sign that she was doing the right thing.

 

A sign that Rhaegar would be a good king, and loved by the people, and he would not meet a similar end to his father and leave them in danger.

 

That her family would grow up happy, despite the confusion of Lyanna and her children being family as well.

 

That she was making the right decision with Jaime. Jaime who was so much younger than she was, who had been her friend throughout everything and who cared about her and her children. But he was torn in two. And Elia couldn’t help but feel that there was an end for them somewhere in the future. That they had a limit they could reach and then he could go no further.

 

She didn’t have to worry about marrying Jaime or bearing his children. They would never get there. He would never want that. At least, not from her.

 

But that was fine, wasn’t it? She couldn’t have children or marry anyway. 

 

And she loved him, didn’t she? Even if he had feelings for another. Some girl out there who held his heart still.

 

That was fine, wasn’t it?

 

She took a step back from the godswood, afraid that someone might find her here.

 

Elia turned to leave, and felt the eyes of the Old Gods on her back. And heard the echo of their question in her head.

 

It was fine, wasn’t it?

 

* * *

 

 

She ran straight into Eddard, who had returned from the hunt tired and disheveled and was heading to the godswood to pray.

 

He looked her over and fixed her with a stern look. Elia wondered for a moment if she had done something wrong. Was he offended that she been in the godswood? 

 

“Queen Elia, may I speak with you?” He asked politely. His gruff voice sounded strange when he spoke like a lord. She was so used to the Southron way of talking when she spoke with nobility.

 

She nodded and he led her around the wall that kept the godswood separate from the rest of the castle. She wondered what he wanted to talk about. He made no move to speak for a while, and so Elia decided to break the silence.

 

“How was the hunt, Lord Stark?”

 

“It went well. Lyanna wished to return in time for dinner hence our swift hunt.”

 

Elia made a sound to show she understood.

 

“What is it you wanted to speak to me about?” She asked, and stopped beside the stone wall to face him.

 

There was a pause, filled with a gentle gust of wind that rustled the trees. Elia became even more aware of the white branches and red leaves that whispered over the other side of the wall.

 

“You have been very good to my sister and her children.” Eddard started, he beckoned her to keep walking beside him. “I want to thank you.”

 

“There is no need. I am fond of your sister and her children are like my own.”

 

He nodded, “I understand. I know Lyanna feels the same. She is quite fond of you.”

 

Elia couldn’t keep the slight furrow from her brow. Why was he saying this? Had something happened during the hunt?

 

“Is everything alright, Lord Stark?”

 

He looked at her properly then, “Yes. I believe so. I know this must sound strange to you. You must be confused. I care for my sister, you must understand...” He paused and it was long enough for Elia to put together what he was trying to say.

 

“You think I mean her harm?” She asked incredulously. She almost laughed in his face, but catching his stoic expression stole all the amusement she felt at the ridiculous accusation. “You actually believe it.” She said.

 

“I don’t know your intentions with Lyanna. It makes little sense to me, and many here, the way you have seemingly welcomed her into your marriage.”

 

Elia sighed. She should have expected this from her first trip to Winterfell. They had only heard stories, and not seen the three of them together yet. And Elia could barely understand the customs up here. Perhaps they would never understand. 

 

“You have nothing to worry about, Lord Stark.” Elia said. “I mean her no harm.”

 

“It is not your harm I worry about, Queen Elia, it is your kindness.”

 

Now she really didn’t understand. It showed on her face, because Eddard continued with a sigh.

 

“Lyanna is young. And she grew up here in relative freedom.” His ever present frown deepened, “She ran off with Rhaegar looking for something more. Love, I can only assume. And I don’t think she has found it, at least, not the way she expected.” 

 

Elia met his grey eyes, waiting for him to keep speaking. She could feel something tighten in her chest. Dread. Or excitement? She didn’t know. But when Eddard Stark blushed a ruddy red she held her breath and prayed he wouldn’t say what she knew he was going to say.

 

“In Dorne-”

 

“Lord Stark.”

 

He ignored her. “In Dorne, women love one another in-”

 

“Stop.” Elia shook her head, watching him watch the ground. “Why are you saying this? It is highly inappropriate.”

 

“I understand.” He hesitated, prolonging her discomfort. “But that is the case in Dorne.”

 

It wasn’t a question. 

 

Yes, Elia knew many women who would love and lie with other women. In Dorne it was common, but she had never had such relations. 

 

She nodded to Eddard.

 

“Lyanna had freedoms here that she would not have had elsewhere. Except, perhaps, in Dorne.”

 

Elia knew what he was trying to say. She knew why Lyanna was behaving so strangely with her. She - finally - understood what Lyanna had felt for her all along.

 

“Stop. I cannot hear this.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“No, you do not. I am not…” Elia let out a noise of frustration. “I have taken a lover. It is more complicated than you know.”

 

Eddard seemed surprised for a moment, before he schooled his features into an expression of indifference. “It does not need to be so complicated. What do you feel? What do you want?”

 

“I cannot discuss this with you.” She said firmly. “Forgive me, Lord Stark.” 

 

She left, marching away from him and the godswood and the secret he had just revealed to her. 

 

What else had been revealed, she wondered? Elia shoved the thoughts aside, but she could not get rid of the feeling in her chest.

 

* * *

 

They left Winterfell the next morning, Rhaegar riding ahead to attend to urgent business. He left Elia and Lyanna in the carriages with the children. 

 

Elia could barely look at Lyanna, the painful silences stretching into days on end. 

 

Lyanna, to her credit, left Elia alone with her thoughts. Mostly.

 

_“My brother said he spoke to you.”_

 

_Elia turned from the window. “He did.”_

 

_“I wish he hadn’t.” Lyanna sighed, her brown hair loose and falling over her shoulders._

 

_“Why?” Elia couldn’t keep her gaze on Lyanna, her eyes finding her and then shifting away._

 

_“I was meant to…” Lyanna looked at her properly then, her grey eyes full of emotion._

 

_Elia had to turn way. She looked out the window again, and was thankful when Visenya demanded her mother’s attention so that she no longer watched Elia._

 

When they finally arrived in King’s Landing it was Rhaegar who informed her that he was sending Jaime in his stead to speak with Tywin.

 

When she asked why, he told her the matter was too complex.

 

When she asked if he could send someone else, he gave her a look that made her feel like a child. Like some stupid, lovesick girl.

 

She returned to her chambers and sat with Aegon, who demanded that she read him a book. Elia read the words without really paying attention and soon Aegon grew frustrated and left her for his siblings.

 

She couldn’t help but feel dread. Winterfell had changed everything, just like Jaime had predicted.

 

Now he was going back to Casterly Rock for who knows how long. Back to that girl who he still loved. 

 

And King’s Landing no longer felt the same. Not now that Elia knew about Lyanna’s secret.

 

Elia got up and sat at her writing desk. The second her quill touched the paper she began to pour out her thoughts to her brother. She told Oberyn how much she missed him. And she begged for his advice.

 

Was it fine? What did she really want? 

 

She asked him the questions she asked herself.


	11. Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the VERY long time it took to post!

“You act like an old crone, Elia, but you’re still youthful. Stop sitting about and sewing.” 

 

Oberyn’s familiar drawl drifted over to her on the breeze. Elia was seated in her usual spot in the palace gardens, shaded by a canopy of vines and overlooking the ocean. She put down her sewing and looked up to find her brother alone.

 

“I don’t think I have seen you alone once on this trip.”

 

“You don’t like Ellaria?”

 

Elia shook her head. “That’s not what I said.”

 

“But you don’t, do you?”

 

She grumbled, “That’s not what I said.”

 

“I knew it.” Oberyn collapsed in the chair beside her with a sigh, his usual grace abandoned. He looked tired. Elia didn’t want to think what was causing him to lose sleep. She was sure it had everything to do with the Sand woman and their insatiable appetite for one another.

 

Elia turned back to her sewing halfheartedly. She knew Oberyn couldn’t stay quiet for long. Her peace was long gone whenever he was around. She was unsurprised when he opened his mouth a moment later to say, “How are you not bored?”

 

“I’m sewing.” She said, still trying to focus on her work.

 

Oberyn didn’t take the hint. He stood and strode to the parapet, his hands braced far apart as he leaned over to take in the dark water below. “Rhaenys has grown fond of Ellaria, you know.”

 

“I’m glad.”

 

“Are you?” He glanced back at her, “How old is my niece now?”

 

“In her seventh year.”

 

“Hopefully she grows into a likeable young person. Unlike the king’s brother.”

 

Elia sighed, looking up at him from her sewing. “Leave Viserys alone, he’s much older than the other children-”

 

“He’s spoiled.”

 

Elia opened her mouth to keep speaking but shut it quickly. She knew it was true and often wondered if it was her fault somehow? 

 

It must be. She had been something like the boy’s mother for most of his life now. The way he was must be a reflection of her parenting somehow?

 

“How is she?” Oberyn asked.

 

Elia knew who he was referring to. “Lyanna is well. She’s being taken care of by the midwives.”

 

Lyanna was with child again, to the delight of everyone. Visenya, now in her second year, had taken to toddling after her mother, demanding her attention. It seemed the little one could sense her mother’s new distraction and was not taking well to it. 

 

Elia couldn’t help but wonder if Rhaegar prayed for another girl. Maybe her two children did not count as part of the three headed dragon he wished to recreate. Maybe he would write them off if this new baby was a girl? Perhaps he shall rename Jaehaerys as his Aegon and take Rhaenys’ name for this new child.

 

Oberyn distracted her again, “Isn’t it strange?”

 

She looked to her brother, “What?”

 

“That she’s lying with him while she’s in love with you.”

 

The words sent her reeling. _In love with you._

 

It had been moons since Elia had discovered Lyanna’s secret. And all thanks to Lord Stark’s endeavour to protect his sister from heartbreak, for that was what that strange conversation must have been, Elia knew. He had wondered about Elia hurting Lyanna if she did not return her affections. But Elia knew Lyanna was tougher than that. She would be understanding if Elia told her she did not feel that way about her. But what did she feel?

 

Jaime had left for Casterly Rock with a sweet goodbye. She could see the distance in his eyes before he had even left. He was already back home, with his twin and his brother and father. Years separated them.

 

And she found that she didn’t mind. 

 

Lyanna had avoided her the first few weeks, but eventually the two of them had fallen back into their usual rhythm. They would sit together in the garden, sew and paint, and spend time with the children. 

 

It wasn’t until Oberyn and his lover had come to the capital that Elia began to remember Lyanna’s feelings for her. He confronted her with that reality at every opportunity.

 

“She isn’t in love with me.” Elia said, her sewing forgotten. 

 

“She is according to her brother.”

 

“Well, I don’t know why she would be.”

 

“You should ask her.”

 

Elia let out a noise of frustration. “Don’t come to King’s Landing again if you’re going to be this insufferable while you’re here.”

 

“You’re upset because I’m making sense.” Oberyn wasn’t looking at her, still gazing at the ocean. The waves were calm today and only lapped at the hulls of boats docked in the bay.

 

Elia couldn’t argue with him. He was making sense. She knew it was fear that stopped her from acknowledging what had changed and speaking with Lyanna. She knew it wasn’t fear of Lyanna’s love, but of her own emotions. What would people think if they knew Lyanna loved her? 

 

That was her mother again, always talking about what others would think. The real question that she knew she had to answer was whether she was the sort of person who could allow herself that freedom? She had married Rhaegar because she had to. She had let Aerys endanger both her and her children because she had no other choice. She had stayed with Rhaegar and Lyanna out of necessity. 

 

The only thing she had ever done for herself was love Jaime. So why couldn’t she do it again?

 

She was dancing around the answer and she knew it. Even Oberyn could tell.

 

Her two children were escorted into the gazebo by their Kingsguard. And, thankfully, this distracted Oberyn from his sharp remarks and Elia from the truth of them.

 

Aegon and Rhaenys were close in age, only a year separated the two, and still Elia could see a stark difference in personality between them. They looked different and acted different, but it warmed her heart to see them play together. She knew, sooner or later, Aegon and Jaehaerys would be separated from the girls as royal sons would be. But for now she treasured them and their bond.

 

“Uncle,” Rhaenys approached Oberyn, “Ellaria says she is not my aunt. Isn’t she your wife?” Rhaenys asked and looked up at him with intelligent brown eyes.

 

Elia snorted a laugh at this and watched her brother grin. 

 

He shook his head, “No, she’s not. She’s my lover.”

 

Rhaenys wrinkled her nose in mild disgust. “Ew!” She yelled. Oberyn threw his head back in laughter.

 

Aegon came over to Elia’s side and peered over her arm to look at her sewing. “That’s pretty, mama.” He said softly.

 

She smiled and lifted the design higher. It was a small white dragon on blue cloth, a gift for Jaehaerys to display in his bedroom should he wish it. 

 

“A dragon.” Aegon smiled, his purple eyes looked over the design. “Father says I am a dragon.”

 

“Does he?” Elia hummed and reached out to tuck Aegon’s silver hair behind his ear. “Do you feel like one?”

 

Her son nodded, “Like this one,” He pointed at the white dragon, “A happy dragon.” He beamed.

 

Elia kissed her son’s forehead and wished Doran was here, so that they could all be together. She wondered, for a moment, what her mother would say if she were here. What would she think of her children? Her family?

 

She was watching Oberyn play with her children - lost in thought - when Selmy approached her. She heard the clink of his Kingsguard armour before she saw him striding towards her gazebo. When she saw his expression, she knew something was wrong.

 

“My queen,” He bowed, his breathing heavy, “Queen Lyanna needs you. Urgently.” He bowed again.

 

The kids had stopped to watch Selmy and at this Rhaenys frowned. “What’s wrong with Lya?”

 

Elia stood and cast a glance at Oberyn. 

 

He nodded, “I’ll watch them.” He said, “Go.”

 

She didn’t hesitate and hurried to follow Selmy as he led her back into the Red Keep and up to Lyanna’s chambers. 

 

There was a flurry of activity around the bedchamber. Maids huddled together out in the hall and whispered until they caught sight of Elia approaching and dispersed quickly.

 

“Ser Barristan, what has happened?” Elia frowned.

 

He paused in front of Lyanna’s door. “It’s best if the queen informs you herself. The king will be here soon.” He offered her a kind smile, but sadness touched his expression.

 

As Elia approached the door a maid emerged carrying a bloody cloth in hand.

 

She felt her stomach drop. She was loathe to go in. Something horrible had happened. She could already guess what it was.

 

She entered the room anyway, and saw Lyanna on her bed, curled on her side. Elia quietly dismissed the chambermaids who hovered around their queen. They would not be able to help. But Elia wasn’t under any illusion that she would be helpful either.

 

“Lya?” She said softly as she approached the bed.

 

Lyanna stirred, and looked back over her shoulder. When she saw Elia her face crumpled and she began to cry.

 

Elia quickly sat down on the bed and took her in her arms. She let Lyanna cry onto her shoulder, she could feel the warmth of her tears soaking into the sleeve of her gown, but she didn’t mind.

 

She knew she had lost the baby. She could see the bloody water in the basin, the fresh sheets and nightgown that Lyanna now wore. She thanked the Seven that at least Lyanna was safe. 

 

Eventually the door opened to admit Rhaegar. He was pale, and his eyes were filled with a deep sadness. Someone had told him already. Perhaps Selmy? It did not matter.

 

Elia looked to him as he approached and once he was close enough he leaned down to kiss her temple - a silent thank you for her care for Lyanna - before he sat on the bed and took them both in his arms. He held them while Elia stroked Lyanna’s hair softly.

 

She didn’t know what to say. Even to Lyanna, whom she felt she could say anything to. What would she have wanted to hear if this had happened to her?

 

Nothing. 

 

Nothing could make this better. Or change what had happened.

 

Lyanna took a deep breath that both Elia and Rhaegar could feel. They slowly disentangled as Lyanna straightened up. Her pale skin was blotchy, her eyes puffy with tears. She seemed exhausted, and leaned against Elia as if sitting up was too much for her to do on her own.

 

“Lya.” Rhaegar spoke first, his sad eyes watched her face. “Lyanna, are you alright?”

 

She nodded. 

 

“Do you want to rest?” He asked.

 

She didn’t respond. Elia wasn’t sure if she had taken offence or if she was just too tired to reply.

 

“Shall we leave you?” Elia asked quietly.

 

At this, Lyanna looked to her. She shook her head, “No. No, I don’t think I want to be alone.”

 

Both Elia and Rhaegar nodded. 

 

“Of course we’ll stay.” Rhaegar said and got up to stoke the fire.

 

Elia helped Lyanna lie down. She noticed that Lyanna winced slightly and so she lowered her down onto the bed gently. 

 

“I don’t want you to treat me like I’m fragile.” Lyanna whispered. 

 

Elia shook her head, “You’re not. We won’t.”

 

“Rhaegar will.”

 

Elia hesitated and glanced over at the silver-haired man by the fireplace. Lyanna was right. 

 

“I won’t.” She said.

 

Lyanna managed a small smile, but it faded quickly and she looked like she was about to cry again. “I’m sorry.”

 

Elia shook her head, “Don’t be sorry.” She frowned, “None of this is your fault. You’re allowed to be upset.”

 

“I don’t know why this happened.”

 

“Did the maesters tell you anything?”

 

“No. Not yet.”

 

Elia nodded and lay down beside her on her side so she faced Lyanna.

 

They lay together in the quiet until Elia finally heard Lyanna’s breathing even out and knew she had fallen asleep.

 

She sat up carefully so as not to wake her, and saw Rhaegar seated in an armchair by the fire. One look at how still he was sitting let her know that he was not okay.

 

She got up to go to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to alert him of her presence. 

 

He flinched only slightly, so lost in thought that he hadn’t realised she was there.

 

“Elia.” He sighed, his hand came up to rest over her own atop his shoulder.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Are you?” He asked.

 

“I was not the child’s parent.”

 

“No, but you cared for her like your own. She was like your own daughter, I am sure.”

 

Elia could not deny that was what it had felt like. She had been overjoyed to hear Lyanna was with child. She felt so much like a mother to Jaehaerys and Visenya already.

 

“You think the baby was a girl?”

 

Rhaegar looked back to the fire. “Don’t you think she was?”

 

Elia let out a heavy sigh. “Rhaegar, you need to stop this.”

 

“Stop what?” He asked and frowned at her.

 

“This foolish mission you have been on since we were wed. You pushed me away in pursuit of this three-headed dragon you so crave and you will do the same with Lya before long.”

 

Rhaegar watched her in silence for a moment and she was surprised to see his gaze so clear.

 

“You always think the worst of me, Elia.”

 

At this she was taken aback. She blinked in surprise, “What? That isn’t true.”

 

“You have always thought of me that way. I can never meet your expectations. And when we argue you berate me. You bring up what I did to you and I can only apologise again.”

 

He turned his gaze to the fire. “You have always thought so highly of me. But I’m not a king, or a dragon, or some perfect creature. I’m only a person.”

 

Elia had known she did this. She knew what she was doing when she brought up his betrayal in their arguments. There was no way he could argue with her after she threw that in his face. It was a craven thing to do. And it had been years since he had done it.

 

She opened her mouth to apologise when he interrupted her, his chin propped up on a hand. “And don’t think I haven’t seen how she looks at you.” He said.

 

Elia glanced back at Lyanna asleep on her bed. “You’re not jealous, surely?”

 

“Why can’t I be?” He looked at her.

 

She frowned, “I just didn’t expect you to be.”

 

“Here you are again with your expectations of me.”

 

“This is hardly the time for this conversation.”

 

“It is never the time for this conversation, because you don’t want to have it.”

 

“Rhaegar.” She paused, her eyes closed in frustration for a moment before she let out a breath and her energy left her. “I’m sorry.”

 

He sighed, paused, and bowed over before the fire with his head in his hands. Elia watched as his shoulders began to shake with silent sobs.

 

Elia perched on the arm of his chair and rubbed his spine comfortingly. “I’m sorry, Rhaegar.” 

 

She wasn’t sure what else to say while he was in such a state, but once he had calmed enough to sit upright again she asked, “What would you have named her?”

 

He glanced up at her with tears in his eyes still, “Rhaella.” He said, the word was only a whisper escaping him.

 

Elia’s heart ached in her chest. She wrapped her arms around him and let herself feel it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Oberyn had come to Lyanna’s rooms to fetch Elia for a walk. They had made their way to the gardens slowly and spoke quietly about Lyanna’s health. 

 

The day was dim, dark clouds covered the sky and cast the gardens in a grey haze. The air was cold as well, and Elia had to draw her cloak about herself often as they walked between manicured hedges.

 

“How is Rhaegar?” Oberyn asked, no hint of mockery in his tone that could usually be found when he spoke of her husband. 

 

“Heartbroken.” She replied.

 

“Ellaria has bought something special for her from the market. Will you bring it to her for us?” Oberyn asked.

 

Elia nodded, “Of course. What is it?”

 

“Just some sweets. She was not sure what else she could do for Lyanna.”

 

The two of them came to a stop by the parapet overlooking the ocean. Elia gazed out at the grey water. What could she do now that this had happened? What could any of them do?

The waves crashed against the stone. She glanced at Oberyn. He was standing straight, looking at the horizon.

 

He caught her looking and offered her a sad smile. Slowly, her brother put his arm around her and Elia felt tears prick her eyes. She cried openly, the cold breeze lifting her dark hair and freezing the hot tears on her cheeks.

 

“All three of you are strong. Together you will get through this.”

 

“But why has it happened?” She asked, “I don’t understand. And nobody has the answer.”

 

“Do you think you’re the first to ask that question?” Her brother gave her a gentle squeeze. “There is no answer. Terrible things happen, Elia. There is no reason. No balm that can make this better.”

 

She looked up at him and he kissed her forehead. 

 

“Let yourself feel it. Allow the pain to be felt. Let it crash against you. And once that is done, it won’t be so bad.”

 

_Let it crash against you._

 

Elia glanced at the sea again.

 

_Like waves on stone._


End file.
